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This is too much for a dream journal

Please be more active, Oasies. I'm feeling lonely right now with the lack of multiplicity in people offering help. The site's just down to elph and me now. When I need your guidance the most, you abandon me.

_ -||^ - -

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Well then

My strategy of trying to find spots in the hall for conversation is not working, since I haven't spoken to the OG since Monday. So I'm going to need to find something else. I just don't know what. And I'm getting lost, and worried that the only person I can actually be around without being reminded of the flaws in humanity is vanishing. I'm lonely and my misanthropy is growing. Swans is helping a bit, for now.

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I tried out non-fictional writing... (more overly emotional whining)

Coat your precious surfaces in soft and special patchworks
Burn the flaws from your neatly tailored strings
When the patrons are absent you will be the unseen expert
Asking no reception from those adjacent
Concealing the ultimate quality
The blessed borders
Which decant their holy manna to only
The warm and woven druid
The lost adherent

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I'll vent my problems to you, friends

The man must have seen that I was having fun in PE, moving around and talking to you-know-who. So he decided to move me to the opposite end of the school from him and make me sit the whole period in a fucking boring, pointless class that only does the opposite of what it supposedly exists to do. How fun.

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At the advice of lonewolf, I tried writing fiction.

the BEAST
wandering
the empty abyss
crushing the skulls of its ancestors
the DEAD remnants
the only memories
destroying the past
severing pieces of its flesh
so it can continue
its search
the MINOTAUR of the infinite
parallel expanses
scraping
at the bones of TIME
its madness fueled
by the
eternal
echoes
as the walls of this DEATH CHAMBER
this birth tomb
are cut down
the
infinite
black
the emptiness
offers no understanding
no end
the dead march cannot be severed from existence
time has lost meaning
the indestructible abomination
the golem of pain

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Holy shit, no.

School is closed tomorrow, too, for fucking nothing. The universe saw that this weekend was at a time that made me really unhappy, and that it was dragging by slowly, so it just had to take to opportunity and turn the four-day weekend into a six-day weekend, at least. I really hope Bratwurst Day is open, because I can't take this any more.

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Dream Journal #15

I went to DC with my family to the 9:30 Club and saw Godspeed You! Black Emperor play a show. Afterwards, I heard of another one being played up north, at some large, fictional city beginning with an A (located a bit north of where Baltimore is in real life). I left my family in secret and began a voyage on foot to the next show.

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The wheels of the lonely traveler slowly grind on the surface of my soul

Regarding a topic mentioned in my last journal that seems to have been overlooked:

I'd appreciate it if someone would help me out a bit to get through the weekend. No more class with this guy would be a pretty big deal, so I'm not doing too well right now. There's just been a discomfort following my mood even when my mind's off of the subject, and it's making me feel like shit.

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Things are not going well.

Everybody else is seeing Pat the Bunny and Matt Pless in concert in Baltimore, and I stay at home napping and being unhappy all day. This four-day weekend is going to be boring. Nobody showed up at lunch today, so I had to spend the period in the woods, getting muddy and exploring my mind. Today was the last day of PE, my favorite class, so I get to start listening to bullshit in health and I don't get a period to wake me up in the morning any more, so that's fun.

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I have to post something about this.

I've already PM'd with someone regarding this, and mentioned it too implicitly in some of the poems I've posted, but it's at the point at which I feel I need to be explicit about it.

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No more dream journal (exciting things)

Pat the Bunny is playing a concert with Matt Pless in Baltimore and I have to see it. If I do not, I will cry.

Neutral Milk Hotel is playing a concert in D.C. on the 31st and if everything goes to plan I will see it. If I do not, I will cry even more.

A song of mine is being released on eight-track tape, currently scheduled for early February, and it will be the first music by me that will be released by a separate organization, and I am excite.

I will be recording my last album onto cassette, and will give it to local record stores as well as sell it online.

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Nice to see you again.

The break's over, and I'm back to those silly conversations about everything and nothing to everyone else that inspire me to move in the morning. Even when the week turns to shit, I still have something, or someone, nice to justify it. A year and a half of development sure has gone far.

Sorry I'm not talking about anything else at the moment. This is the only subject that I have nobody else with whom it can be discussed.

Fuck cops.

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Obligatory Christmas post

On top of the Festivus gift of House of Leaves that I have been enjoying, I also just received two Christmas gifts: a Roland MKS-30 and a vinyl copy of In the Court of the Crimson King. I will possibly be doing a collab with someone I know this weekend, and I require a MIDI interface that will allow me to send sustained signals, which my current piece of shit one for some reason will not.

Also, it's been a nice, warm Christmas. Not a flake of snow to be seen.

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I have something to do now!

I just started reading House of Leaves and I am ready for what may just be the trippiest literary experience of my life. The guy at the store already remarked on how trippy it is as soon as I said the name. (The girl was apparently not aware of it, and was pretty surprised when she saw all the near-blank pages.) Anyway, that's irrelevant and all that matters now is Zampanò's appartment.

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Today was the bomb!

In a literal way, though, so it wasn't fun. I had to stay in my first period class for nearly three hours, so I missed my favorite period and I didn't get to talk to anybody I normally talk to. Today was boring. Pretty much nobody was there and I didn't even get to see a certain person who is in a way somewhat important to me (elph should know who I'm talking about). So I guess a day like this is something I have to write about.

Also, Merzbow's birthday was yesterday, so this is obligatory:

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