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Obligatory Christmas post

On top of the Festivus gift of House of Leaves that I have been enjoying, I also just received two Christmas gifts: a Roland MKS-30 and a vinyl copy of In the Court of the Crimson King. I will possibly be doing a collab with someone I know this weekend, and I require a MIDI interface that will allow me to send sustained signals, which my current piece of shit one for some reason will not.

Also, it's been a nice, warm Christmas. Not a flake of snow to be seen.

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I have something to do now!

I just started reading House of Leaves and I am ready for what may just be the trippiest literary experience of my life. The guy at the store already remarked on how trippy it is as soon as I said the name. (The girl was apparently not aware of it, and was pretty surprised when she saw all the near-blank pages.) Anyway, that's irrelevant and all that matters now is Zampanò's appartment.

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Today was the bomb!

In a literal way, though, so it wasn't fun. I had to stay in my first period class for nearly three hours, so I missed my favorite period and I didn't get to talk to anybody I normally talk to. Today was boring. Pretty much nobody was there and I didn't even get to see a certain person who is in a way somewhat important to me (elph should know who I'm talking about). So I guess a day like this is something I have to write about.

Also, Merzbow's birthday was yesterday, so this is obligatory:

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CyCles

appy
frustration
fatigue
auto-euphorization
kontent
disgust
self-hater
solipsism
they're free to do as they please, I assure you
absolute bliss, I have no words!
you are (not) an imprisoned dude
needs motivation
laugh
noxious
irony
desire
sexual desire (with nobody in partikular)
diverged, separate, mind kontrol
philanthropic and happier
romantik feelings (with somebody very partikular)
illusion
s
t
e
r
e
o
t
y
p
e
s
adherence
billions of dukklings inside my mind
you feel that?
misanthrop
isolation
lazy
materialism
memories
shut the fukk up
the fukk

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Spirit they're back

When I'm outside, I like to look over the trees on the horizon and imagine that there's an undiscovered world beyond them that civilization hasn't yet corrupted, and no other people exist. It makes me feel like there is still a place where I can be free and not be bothered by the materialism of other people.

I had a dream last night about being chased by people who controlled the society in which I was. As fast as I could, I packed all my stuff into a white van. It took too long, and a flying witch came down from the sky while I was outside and carried me off.

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Explain

Again, fixated on the pendulous hummingbird. Oscillating, revolving, returning, but only when it is forgotten. The pulse is strongest after its decay. It fades only to reveal itself once more. It is the rain shower that feeds the waterfalls. Attacks resonate throughout the empty universe.

I just want someone to talk to.

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What a find.

Here I am on my returnal to familiar ports, a prisoner. New leadership has taken its reign now, another autocrat. I wonder how I'll get out of it this time. I guess I've found myself once more in the right and wrong place. What a find.

My dreams follow me where I go. They've taken a terrifyingly inspiring trail, of jealousy, disgust, and unmitigated horror, and I fear the underlying masochism.

Please help me. I'm trapped.

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Dream Journal #13

The human species was being threatened by a new disease that was being transmitted through liquid contact with animals. This disease slowly caused the blood to become stagnant and pressure in the bloodstream to rise, making veins bulge and skin pale before death.

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Dream Journal #12

I had an alternate version of the dream from #9. This time, instead of being friends with this guy, I met him and he was a complete asshole and I pretty much wanted to kill him, he was that mean. I can't remember any specifics, but now whenever I look at him I simultaneously get angry and sad because of how mean he was to me in that dream.

I think the dream might have been a misplaced personality of someone I really hate who everyone else I know loves for some reason. That person thankfully wasn't at school today, which made the day much more enjoyable.

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solitary exploration

I was in a bad mood on Friday at lunch so I expored behind the football field, in the practice area. That place always inspires me. It's even better when alone and while listening to Oneohtrix Point Never's ambient music. I took plenty of photos but they don't inspire nearly as much as actually being there. It's surprising how beautiful the area behind such a dull and uninspiring place can be.

Schools always seem like such a strange community to me, especially such a gigantic high school that I am forced into.

Anyway, hanging outside alone during lunch is the best thing ever.

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the high point of my day

i enjoy speaking during these minutes

the time when i would rather be with than without

seeing is euphoric

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Howdy

My computer has now been converted to a dual boot system and i am now typing this on IceWeasel using CrunchBang. I have begun what I hope to be a transition to using GNU/Linux as my primary OS kernel, and CrunchBang as my primary OS. Open source software is the best. Now I'll have to figure out a way to partition more hard drive space to this system so I can make room for all my music.

In other news, this has transported me to the center of existence today:

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Dream Journal #11

I dreamt that I was in (my subconscious version of) India, and went on a boat ride down a southbound river. I don't know what river it was, but it was bordered by vast, lush grasslands with tropical trees and occasional tributaries. There were elephants, and the grass was greener than anything I'd seen before. The sky and water were incredibly blue, making the whole scene unbelievably vibrant and saturated with light. There were small hills on the West border of the river that partially obscured some of the area to our right during that portion of the ride.

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Super-lucidity (+ Dream Journal #10)

That seems like the best way to describe it.

At the climax (and the only remotely enjoyable part) of my day, I was outside playing (or rather pretending to play) a shitty game of football in the field beside my school. I was completely ignoring the game, but the atmosphere of the field, with the bad weather, was so powerful that it felt as if every memory I had ever experienced was manifesting in that field at that exact time. It was one of the best sensations I've experienced in my life.

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Dream Journal #9

Last night's dream was pretty confusing. I dreamt that I was best friends with this guy from one of my classes. But I don't even know the guy. I've never even spoken to him, and never really cared much about him, but we just randomly became very good friends in the dream. I know some people on here might jump to conclusions, so I promise it wasn't like gay or anything, it was just an entirely platonic friendship. I don't know why.

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