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Again, fixated on the pendulous hummingbird. Oscillating, revolving, returning, but only when it is forgotten. The pulse is strongest after its decay. It fades only to reveal itself once more. It is the rain shower that feeds the waterfalls. Attacks resonate throughout the empty universe.

I just want someone to talk to.

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What a find.

Here I am on my returnal to familiar ports, a prisoner. New leadership has taken its reign now, another autocrat. I wonder how I'll get out of it this time. I guess I've found myself once more in the right and wrong place. What a find.

My dreams follow me where I go. They've taken a terrifyingly inspiring trail, of jealousy, disgust, and unmitigated horror, and I fear the underlying masochism.

Please help me. I'm trapped.

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Dream Journal #13

The human species was being threatened by a new disease that was being transmitted through liquid contact with animals. This disease slowly caused the blood to become stagnant and pressure in the bloodstream to rise, making veins bulge and skin pale before death.

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Dream Journal #12

I had an alternate version of the dream from #9. This time, instead of being friends with this guy, I met him and he was a complete asshole and I pretty much wanted to kill him, he was that mean. I can't remember any specifics, but now whenever I look at him I simultaneously get angry and sad because of how mean he was to me in that dream.

I think the dream might have been a misplaced personality of someone I really hate who everyone else I know loves for some reason. That person thankfully wasn't at school today, which made the day much more enjoyable.

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solitary exploration

I was in a bad mood on Friday at lunch so I expored behind the football field, in the practice area. That place always inspires me. It's even better when alone and while listening to Oneohtrix Point Never's ambient music. I took plenty of photos but they don't inspire nearly as much as actually being there. It's surprising how beautiful the area behind such a dull and uninspiring place can be.

Schools always seem like such a strange community to me, especially such a gigantic high school that I am forced into.

Anyway, hanging outside alone during lunch is the best thing ever.

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the high point of my day

i enjoy speaking during these minutes

the time when i would rather be with than without

seeing is euphoric

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My computer has now been converted to a dual boot system and i am now typing this on IceWeasel using CrunchBang. I have begun what I hope to be a transition to using GNU/Linux as my primary OS kernel, and CrunchBang as my primary OS. Open source software is the best. Now I'll have to figure out a way to partition more hard drive space to this system so I can make room for all my music.

In other news, this has transported me to the center of existence today:

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Dream Journal #11

I dreamt that I was in (my subconscious version of) India, and went on a boat ride down a southbound river. I don't know what river it was, but it was bordered by vast, lush grasslands with tropical trees and occasional tributaries. There were elephants, and the grass was greener than anything I'd seen before. The sky and water were incredibly blue, making the whole scene unbelievably vibrant and saturated with light. There were small hills on the West border of the river that partially obscured some of the area to our right during that portion of the ride.

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Super-lucidity (+ Dream Journal #10)

That seems like the best way to describe it.

At the climax (and the only remotely enjoyable part) of my day, I was outside playing (or rather pretending to play) a shitty game of football in the field beside my school. I was completely ignoring the game, but the atmosphere of the field, with the bad weather, was so powerful that it felt as if every memory I had ever experienced was manifesting in that field at that exact time. It was one of the best sensations I've experienced in my life.

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Dream Journal #9

Last night's dream was pretty confusing. I dreamt that I was best friends with this guy from one of my classes. But I don't even know the guy. I've never even spoken to him, and never really cared much about him, but we just randomly became very good friends in the dream. I know some people on here might jump to conclusions, so I promise it wasn't like gay or anything, it was just an entirely platonic friendship. I don't know why.

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Dream Journal #8

This dream took place during a nap I had earlier.

Television was down. My mother was going to the local satellite headquarters to discuss solving the problem, and I was joining her to provide company at the boring satellite building. When we left the house, it was raining, but it was very sunny out despite the weather. The rain was very clear and soft, but was flooding the world.

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Dream Journal #7

This was kind of put off for a couple of days, but I had this dream twice.

I'm traveling through these underground industrial ruins, searching massive, dark, rusted tunnels for signs of living civilization in a colossal, inescapable complex. I eventually stumbled upon this large, rocky passage that leads to a small makeshift gate put together out of a couple of sheets of rusted copper, and a thick fence made from a bunch of sticks of wood. The gate was open, so I entered.

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Dream Journal #6

This was easily one of the absolute wildest dreams I've had in my life.

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Dream Journal #5

Strangely, this dream took place in real time, or just a bit slower even, over only a couple hours or so, which is very rare for me.

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Dream Journal #4

Just now I dreamt that a dog (that I remember being somewhat close to, but not very much) had died and a friend and I had to escort its soul to the land of the dead.

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