I used to be social; I loved talking to people, I wanted to know everybody, and I really wanted to be able to experience other people's lives; I thought living from someone else's perspective and actually experience how they do things would be the most enlightening experience ever (an idea which obviously changed when I thought more about solipsism). But now I'm sort of antisocial, and pretty much only voluntarily communicate with strangers online (preferably at night). I do talk to people at school, but only because I'd be bored to death if I didn't, with the school's music player policy.
I have absolutely nothing to do. The Internet is so slow. 4chan got old after a few hours and I saw that there were no really good threads. Now I'm just listening to Merzbow hoping for something to read online. Please, if you have any suggestions for entertainment, post them here.
In other news, I'm getting back into Merzbow. I always look at Discogs.com in my French class, and that drew me back to him (because Merzbow has released more albums than any other musician in history).
I just had a little internal laugh at how effeminate I was as a child. I've changed quite a lot. Now I'm just a brony geek, not at all masculine and not at all feminine.
I also got my report card. My GPA for the marking period is a solid 2.0. (Don't worry, cumulative is still a 3.)
In other news:
My cat's sitting next to me on my chair while I'm typing this. He's great.
Anyway, stream of consciousness.
I love experiencing entirely new environments, and being in new states of thought. It's so much more fun when I experience a familiar environment in a completely different way. There is nothing more interesting, in my opinion!
A few people walked right past my house while I was sitting on the porch handing out candy. So I had to resist saying "Fuck you then, more candy for me." That was a fun Halloween. . . .
I burned a playlist of Halloweenish songs on CD and played it on a boombox for the trick-or-treaters. That was something to do with all this boring time I have lately. (For anyone curious, here was the track listing:
Moar Ghosts 'n' Stuff (Hard Intro Mix) by deadmau5
Ghosts 'n' Stuff (the version without Bob Saget at the end) also by deadmau5
Friendly Ghost by Eels
Halloween Mask by Electric Owls
This is just a quick update, since I have to do my homework.
I just went on a walk with my mother, and we made an agreement that, since my current diet is so terrible, and since she's the healthiest human being I know, she will select what I eat based on her own standards now. So this is exciting.
Unfortunately, she said I'll have to be the one to convince my father to take me to the gym again to exercise. If not, I'll see if I can ride my bike or something, like she always does.
It was a pretty shitty yardsale, not much reason to be there longer than a few seconds to see that all they had was absolute garbage. But the thing is it was at a church. And I saw an Obama bumper sticker. That really restored some hope for humanity, that someone going to a church event prefers the slightly more liberal candidate.
This is just a compilation of the more significant thoughts I've had throughout the (very long) day. Some of it has been in my mind a while, and I'll use that to begin a stream of consciousness that will likely go all over the place and become an unorganized mess.
And this sort of is mostly written for myself, but I do want other people to read it and just give me some spiritual inspiration, or insight, or whatever you think of. Treat this page as much of a stream of consciousness for you as for myself.
I guess this first section will become a continuation of the haircut one.
I'm looking forward to when I get to go out and do stuff alone. Then I can actually go and look for a boyfriend, because that's when I will actually have the means to keep a relationship.
Until then, I'll just lay around, listening to some political and spiritual commentary from the Amazing Atheist while pondering both his arguments and other subjects that come to my mind.
The final boss of the Internet:
Thank you, /b/.
I approve of it. I usually think my haircuts look pretty bad at first, and then they seem better, but this time I think it looks good immediately.
I'm starting to care more about my appearance. I don't even care what other people think of me (unless they're potential boyfriends), so I don't know why. Maybe I'm just becoming gayer.
Things to do
Listen to some good music. Like maybe a work in progress, a remake of one of my older songs:
Sometimes I do sort of still want a boyfriend. A small percentage of the time, when I have nothing else to occupy my mind, but still. But there are no openly gay people my age in the area. The closest to my age I know of is some disgustingly feminine guy who, according to what my sister's told me of him (even though she was his friend), he sounds extremely ignorant and annoying.
Hopefully, at least. The town hall election is coming tonight, and I know he'll be bad at that. he can't answer questions he isn't prepared for, because he doesn't believe anything he says. It's just all rehearsed. When he hears a question he can't answer, he likes to just ignore it, so Obama has this one. Then again, Obama has proven to disappoint a lot, because he's a pussy.
We need another Bill Clinton. I'm going back and looking at his town hall debate in 1992. Damn, he was a good debater. He answered immediately with no hesitation, and still made good arguments. Bravo, Bill.
Everybody I talked to in class last year is gone now, in different classes, so I have new "friends". They're completely unaware that I'm gay because I never new them until now, yet one of them keeps saying things like "you're gay" and shit. They're usually pretty cool, though. One of the people at my lunch this year is someone I've sat at the same table with, and he's ultra-conservative (though not homophobic; he just seems obsessed with economic conservatism). But he seems okay. Still, this isn't nearly as awesome as last year. All my friends now are nerds.
Well, this was supposed to be an on-topic journal. It kind of turned out differently. Fuck you, read it anyway.
I'm growing increasingly misanthropic (thanks to the Amazing Atheist). Right now I'm sort of at 50% of people other than me should die, the other 50% is okay. Or maybe more like: 10% of the time everybody else should horribly die before me while I watch the world burn, the other 90% of the time I'm calm and I don't give a fuck.