As the title suggests. I am so very happy. I'm in love you see. The rest of this post will probably give the impression that I am immensely depressed. But these are all tiny insignificant problems really when compared to the insane head-over-heels happiness that I am feeling. Just little niggles I need to get out of my head really. Because by the end of the upcoming school week pretending that there is nothing going on between me and Jane they will be bothering me more, but I think it's best to write about it now while I'm feeling optimistic. I'm waffling...
Apologies for the speedy consecutive posts, but I haven't posted in a very long time, and there are things in my head.
Right so you've all forgotten me, a posted a few lameties about a year ago then got confused changed my mind and vowed never to do so again. However, I am now confused and have changed my mind again. Life, eh?
So there's this girl... "I've heard this one before" you say. Yes, you have, but I have no one to turn to again so you'll just have to put up with it.
To summarise my current feelings, I'm probably bisexual, but I only want to end up with a guy. For various reasons including kids, marriage, convenience blah blah blah heard it all before.
Right, I haven't written an entry for a couple of days because I've been busy watching plays and shit. Yeah, I watched 'Tis Pity She's A Whore yesterday, was pretty fucked up. That's not really helpful to talk about... ummm... yeah so that meant I got back really late and barely got any sleep so I was pretty damn tired this morning. I had a free first lesson though, which I thought would be helpful, but no, AR was there so I couldn't sleep and I spent the whole hour feeling really tense and awkward and generally uncomfortable. How can she do that to me? It's ridiculous.
So, I was thinking, and I thought to myself, I feel quite sad. I hate it. I don't want to be sad. So I thought how I might go about curing this sadness and apathetic-ness that is my current mood, and I thought, I'm just gonna be happy. I like being happy, it makes me happy, strangely enough. Obviously, there are a few things that have to be tweaked in order to achieve this happiness, but ultimately, I just need to be happy. I'm going to go to bed before 11 every night so I get a good 8 hours sleep.
So... I'm feeling very apathetic. I shall talk about my day, because I don't really have any thoughts in my head right now
8am - woke up, ate breakfast.
9am - washed
9:30am - parents went out, did some singing and dancing, as you do.
11am - ate some icing sugar, as you do.
11:30am - parents returned, took me to a friend's house for a concert thing, we did some rehearsing and stuff.
3:30pm - concert started
5:30pm - concert finished.
6:15pm - got home in time to watch Liverpool vs. Cardiff penalties.
6:30pm - just surfed the internet and Facebook and stuff.
I have just watched the End of the Affair. I am, therefore, feeling pretty damn depressed. It's definitely not the most uplifting of films. Kind of wish I'd read the book first, I shall do that as soon as possible. I cried a lot, which is quite embarrassing, I always cry at films, and books. I cried solidly through HP and the deathly hallows part 2. Both times I saw it. It was a crap film but it was more the significance of it you know.
So I just posted a Facebook status asking if anyone wanted to come to a concert, and AR commented asking where it was! She then immediately went offline, but hey, she commented, this means she thought about me. It was a wonderful (and pathetic) feeling. I'd imagine she just wants to know then she'll go with a bunch of her friends. I'm pretty sure she will have gone to college in Holland somewhere by then anyway.. We can but hope.
You know what’s wonderful about this site - everyone assumes you’re gay. Makes a nice change.
I may have said I would only post in the mornings, but I changed my mind. After today, I shall do it in the evenings.
So. I have spent a large portion of the day listening to James Blunt, just to give you an idea of the state I am in… “You’re beautiful… I will never be with you…” and all that shizzle. It’s been huge fun. Bear in mind I usually listen to people like Bellowhead and I’m From Barcelona.
I know I only just posted a journal entry, but there you go. I enjoyed it.
This may only be the fifth time I have come out, but I'm really starting to get pissed off with it. It takes me at least 3 hours to get it out (this was the record time last night) and I get so damn nervous.
So this is how it goes. About a year ago I went through the whole process of coming to terms with the fact that I was bi. It took me about 6 months to deal with it and finally come out to a couple of my friends who were both cool with it. Although, I have now grown apart from one of them for different reasons, (she’s just quite annoying really. Plus she hangs out with these other kids now who I find really very boring). Anyway, the other friend has a boyfriend and they’ve been together for ages and she spends pretty much all her time with him and I never see her.