Happy Easter, for those who celebrate this day!
Today is a special day for me, no only because it's Easter Sunday, but it's also my one year anniversary of writing my first journal on here. So much has changed in the last year that it's hard for me to believe at times.
I had my thirteenth birthday last week, but now that I'm "officially" a teenager I don't feel any different. Except that I'm no longer able to call myself a 'tween, and I'm thankful that's over! In some cultures I'd be considered a man now but I don't belong to one of those cultures : (
My Dads threw a really cool birthday party for me, but it was a bittersweet occasion for me. It will be the last time that my best friend Austin and I will get to be together for what may be a long time, and it was hard for me to hold my emotions back so I didn't.
Okay, here I am again! I've been really busy with school, and spending time with Matthew and Sarah, which is really what this journal is all about.
Before I met Sarah, girls and especially doing anything with one never really crossed my mind. My heart was entirely with Matthew and ravaging his body in every imaginable way hehe.
My uncle in Ohio told me about this story, and after some deep thinking I decided to share it with you all. Fourteen-year-old Teddy Foltz was allegedly raped then beaten to death by his stepfather. Here's a few links:
Rest In Peace Teddy
Today after school my Dad's went out to dinner and a movie for what we call WEdnesday Fun Night, it's the one day of the week they can just be together without dealing with me.
I texted Sarah and when I told I had the place to myself she asked if she could come over? Not a big deal really, but after what happened at the dance...well I wasn't sure what would happen?
She came over, and asked if we could use the hottub, something we've done a bunch of times...but this time she pulled out her bikini from her backpack and asked me if we wanted to change together.
Last night we finally had our Sadie Hawkins dance at my school, rescheduled after the tragedy in Newtown, CT. Originally they were going to cancel it but it was turned into a dance/fundraiser for our local food bank. I feel really good about my school doing that.
We used my place as a gathering point, and Sarah and Emily came with their Moms...and they were just so pretty. Sarah wore a blue dress and Emily was in a black one, which is kind of funny being neither one of them ever wear dresses. Lots of pictures were taken and both Matthew and I slipped in kisses when we could.
Right after Christmas I went with my other Dad to visit his brother Steve and his twin sons Connor and Colin in Hartford, Connecticut. Joining us was my companion dog, showing of her new "Please Pet Me" vest inspired by the folks who took their healing dogs to Newtown.
Uncle Steve and my other Dad are really close, and they're always e-mailing and texting each other but this was their first time being together in almost 10 years. It was cool seeing them just hugging and being happy to be in the same room again.
I will never forget December 14th, 2012. I was in math class when my teacher turned on CNN and we watched the news of the Newtown shootings live. Soon we saw pictures of the faces of those lost, and the pain started. Many of my classmates were in tears that day, myself included.
At home my Dads, my Mom and Grandma hugged me tight, and later my boyfriend and I embraced, tears filling our eyes, speechless about what had happened.
Last Thursday (I know this is late!) before school started Sarah came up to be and asked me if I'd be her date at the upcoming Sadie Hawkins dance and I said yes...
And she kissed me on the lips in front of everybody!
Hawtdamn! I didn't expect that!
About the same time that morning Emily went up to my boyfriend Matthew and asked the same question, instead of giving him a gentle kiss when he said yes she slammed him against a locker and gave him a long hard kiss!
My school is having a Sadie Hawkins dance right before we go on winter break, and I can't say I'm excited about it because it's girls inviting a boy they like to it. Now if it was a Sam dance you could ONLY invite a member of the same gender...that's not going to happen.
I was in my last period today and I got a text attached to a picture of a girl in my grade, Sarah, asking me if I could meet her at the park right by where I live after school? I texted back yes and didn't hear anymore from her.
The last few weeks have been hard for me, dealing with the loss of my Grandpa and just trying to cope with that. My family's been great, just being there for me me and putting up with my emotional wreckedness. I'm going to try to write on here more often and not worry so much about trying to write the perfect thing each time.
At Thanksgiving dinner we prayed together as a family and my Grandma thanked me for bringing her family together, and said my willingness to reach out and accept a total stranger was a brave thing to do.
I just did what I thought was the right thing to do.
This made me smile :)
This past week has been the hardest I've ever faced and now I'm finally starting to get my act together so I can function. I didn't think life without my Grandpa would be this hard, but I also had nothing to compare it to except for my first companion dog dying.
Watching my Grandpa die was more traumatic for me than I could handle and I guess I'm not as mature as I'd like to think I am? I've been seeing a grief counselor and I think that's helping, but right now I'm still putting everything that happened together.
Last night my Grandpa lost his battle with cancer, and I was alone with him when he went. It was pretty bad actually : (
My family and I want to thank all of you for your kinds words, prayers, and just being there for us. It's great to know that people still care about others.
And Grandpa...thank you for everything : )
Mom got the keys to her new place on Monday morning, which was great timing because I was off school Monday and Tuesday because my school is a polling place for the election. It ended up being two really good days, and having President Obama re-elected made things even better. I just don't think Mitt Romney would have done anything positive for GLBT's.