Dear Caitlin,
You may never read this, but I need you to know that I still love you with all my heart and soul. I feel my heart warm up and my stomach tingle with butterflies when I think about you. I cry when I remember all the times we fought and argued. I can't regret those times because they made us stronger. Even after all of those things, I still love you more than life itself.

Hey again. It's Jazzy again. I just wanted to say that I have a Youtube channel for my disease. I doubt that any of you know what my disease is like. It affects millions of people. You just don't know. I'm having surgery on May 10th. I wish more people would help our disease just like cancer. We hurt too and we suffer. So please support people with my disease.
Go to www.ccfa.org and visit my page on Youtube. I think it's www.youtube.com/BattleWithUC

Hey everyone. I'm back again. I've been pretty sick. I will probably get surgery in the next month or so. I hope it'll make me better. I might have to stop dancing for awhile. It's pretty depressing. I'll live though.

I'm back! I'm doing better than ever! I am still single but happy. I still talk to my ex, and we're friends now. I believe you can be friends with your ex. My life is back together. I love it. I'm hoping that the doctor let's me off my anti-depressants really soon! I'm on a sleeping pill because my body has a hard time falling asleep. I'm finally sleeping in my own room. I used to be scared of my room but I like it now. I have 4 new best friends. We hang out like all the time. This weekend is one of my friends birthday! I'm so excited. We're going to Universal Studios together.

I am so much better. It's been weeks since I've been here. I'm not sure where to start. I took the CAHSEE this week. I know I passed both parts. Whoot whoot! I'm happy and crazy hyper. I love my life right now. I still miss my grandpa but I know he's happy and not suffering anymore.

Today is Caitlin's birthday. I'm excited for her. I drew her a cupcake and said Happy Birthday. She doesn't really care that it's her birthday. She says it's just another day. I'm trying to be a good friend and make it more exciting but she won't talk to me anymore.

Eloisa rejected me. She sees me only as a friend. But she thought my gram was cute. I don't care about cute. It's just another tadpole in my pond that swam away from me the first chance they got. I'm not going to find my cute little tadpole. I don't think I'm going to be a "player" and take chances or risks. I'll sit back and wait. Because if someone wanted me like that, they'd look for me and fight for me.

Last Friday I lost my grandpa. He was the only grandpa I knew and we got really close in the past few years. He drove me to school everyday. But on Feb. 3rd he was admitted to the hospital because of a heart attack. And on Friday he had another heart attack. They revived him but right after he had another heart attack. He passed away a quarter to 5pm. It was awful. I cried a lot that day. And here I am, writing a eulogy for him and creating a slideshow of his pictures. His funeral is on Valentine's Day. I'm so scared to see him in a casket. I need a hug and words of motivation.

I came out to a close friend today. I felt so relieved. It was great. She was curious and happy for me of course. I told her about Eloisa and she approves. We can't wait to see what happens with her.
I hope Eloisa feels the same way as I do. My cute little bundle of laughs and sweetness. Ahhh <3

Homecoming day was just like any other day except for the pep rally, the football game, my halftime performance in the JV game, the winners of the elections, and the day before the homecoming dance.
The pep rally went great during both lunches, the JV game performance was even better, and my parents came to watch me perform at my JV game. I enjoyed it.

Next week is Valentine's Day. And of course our school is selling Valentine Grams. I bought two today. One for my bestie (wifey) and the other for this girl. She and I used to be pretty tight. We had a fight around my birthday in November. Her name is Eloisa. I love her so much (like a friend). But as I think about it now, I realize that we were much more than friends. We held hands a lot, kissed cheeks, hugged longer than necessary, and flirted on several occasions. You might think that it's nothing but I recall times where we acted more than just best friends. Here's one I remember...

Today I got in a huge fight with Caitlin. What she said really hurt.
She texted me saying "Well I guess I should just rip the bandaid off and tell you"
I replied "Tell me what.?"
She said "I'm with someone already... btw you don't have to invite me to your bday party. Prob hate me now anyway."
And of course that really hurt. Broke my heart. Like I mean seriously. I couldn't breath or think of anything but oh my gawsh. My eyes flooded with tears and I was out of it. I tried to put soap on my toothbrush and brush my hair with it. Who says that? Like it's no big deal.

My Valentine, you're all I want;
In you, I find joy and delight;
You give me everything I need;
I'm happiest when you're in sight.
I think of you both night and day;
I'm drawn to you in pure attraction;
When you're not here, I ache for you,
For your fulfilling satisfaction.
I dreamed of love like this, and yet,
I never thought that I would capture
The deep, exciting thrills we have,
This intoxicating bliss and rapture.
Please be my Valentine, and more;
Be my life, my world, my all;
Together we can be content,
And share life's pleasures, big and small.
-Chapin

Hey everyone! Long time no post. A lot has changed since I've last been on here. Where do I start?
Well I'm a "friend" with my ex. I'm still deeply in love with her. But I'm trying not to be an evil ex, you know? It's actually a lot worse even though we aren't together. The fighting. It's like neither of us feels like their's closure. It's hard not to want to kiss her or hold her hand. I have to stop myself when I talk sometimes. I accidentally call her "babe" or "love" or whatever else I nicknamed her.

Dear 2013,
I'm so excited! I get to start over in school. New semester, new classes, new teachers, no dance, and now I can join the LGBT club at school! YES! I can finally get myself out there or at least get advice and motivation to come out. I'll make new friends and do what I want. Last semester I felt so tied down with dance. I couldn't do certain things because I could have gotten injured. It sucked. Now I can go skateboarding at the park or play baseball with the guys because I'm as free as a bird. I just haven't learned how to fly yet.