The conversation lasted about 5 minutes, I think. Maybe less.
Me: I want to tell you something.
Mom: What did you do?
(she said it in this kind of accusatory tone, which I don't understand because I literally never get into trouble, except for a couple of computer viruses a while ago and being behind on my schoolwork.)
Me: No, it's not like that. I want to be honest with you out of respect.
Mom: Oh, okay.
(she had this really amused tone like this was going to be a joke.)
Me: I'm bisexual.
Mom: Alright. What works for you, works for me.
I told my friend Audrey over email that I'm bi. She was really nice about it, which I expected. She told me she's bi, which I didn't expect. I'm happy, she's happy, we're good friends. So...yeah. Don't know what else to say.
So, I haven't been here in over a month. Part of it was the three very busy weeks at Shakespeare camp, and the other part was that... I don't know, I've just been withdrawing from almost everything lately. Anyways...
Shakespeare camp was awesome! I got along really well with everyone, and it was very appreciative environment. All the nerdy stuff I love to talk about, they loved to talk about too. I wish it had lasted longer!
In a week I'm going to this summer program for Shakespeare. I'm so excited! We're going to be studying one of his plays, performing it, and preparing a monologue for any future auditions. I get to meet people who will be into stuff I'm into. I get to escape this house for a few weeks. Not to mention the great Shakespeare studying.
So my debate and speech group performed our speeches for an assisted living facility for the elderly this evening. Or was it technically late afternoon? Anyways, my best friend Beth (who I have a crush on and doesn't know I'm bi) was home from college, and since her brother and sister are in the club and her parents run it, she emceed the performance. Afterword we all went out for ice cream. It was a lot of fun. The conversation varied from horror movies to colonies on mars leading to a mars revolution.
Well, a couple of days ago I was hanging out with my friend Robert, the only person who knows I'm bi. This girl, Trisha, was with us. She's not really a friend of mine, more of a friend of a friend. Anyways, Robert made some joke or comment that I responded to. It wasn't offensive, but my response indicated to my queerness. Anyways, Trisha got nosy and started asking what Robert told me. I couldn't tell her what he said though, because then I would have to come out.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m just an outsider by nature, and if that’s ever going to change. I was sort of hanging out with friends today, but I felt kind of invisible because I wasn’t participating in the conversation. I’m just really introverted and live in my head a lot. If I could just get the hang of finding some common interests and carrying conversations. Unfortunately, this made me think of Beth, because I could always talk to Beth about anything so easily.
I came out of the closet to a friend, Robert. I almost chickened out, but he said “Bullshit, tell me what’s bothering you”. It was great! He said he didn’t care, and asked if I wanted to know some pick up lines. I asked him not to tell anybody, and he said he wouldn’t. Of course he asked some questions, like how do I know if I haven’t date anybody and who do I see myself marrying. Then he asked if I liked anybody, and before I said anything he guessed from my face that I do. He tried to guess a few names, and then I just told him Beth.
I don’t think I mentioned this in my last journal entry, but I’m homeschooled. I’m part of a local group of homeschoolers, and tonight the teens of the group were supposed to go roller skating, but it got cancelled because not enough people were interested in going. So, I thought I’d make another journal entry.
Hi there. I'm Ann. Nice to meet you. I've been, I guess it'd be called lurking on here for a while. My mom read extensively internet predators so she made sure I knew of the dangers of the internet, but I ended up scared of what would happen if I joined a site. I've gotten computer viruses before, so, I was afraid that would happen. And I'm in the closet, the bi closet, so there's that fear that anyone will find out. But I could really use some support right now, and I'm going to be eighteen in less than a year, so I figured what the heck.