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When Your Secret Has Been Visible All Along

I haven't written on here in five weeks, it really seems like it's been five years.
My life's been weird lately, but it now seems like things are more stable.

For spring break dad, Carter and I went down to Florida to do some work on a friend's vacation house in exchange for staying there for free, and dad let me bring along a friend because my brother Hayden was going to be at Scout camp for most of spring break. Naturally I chose my boyfriend Luke.

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After baseball practice yesterday dad wanted me and Hayden to run some supplies to the hunting cabin we own that's about 20 minutes away. It's more like a shack, but we go there at least a few times a month, mostly in the spring and summer.

What I didn't tell Hayden was that I had Luke meet us out there with Jake, and really the reason I didn't tell him was I was afraid he wouldn't want to go. I mean you can't get nervous about something you don't know about it, right?

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When You Have To Tell The Truth

In my last journal I wrote about some big changes that had happened in my life, and this time I'm going to discuss the other one.

I didn't know this, but my brother Hayden has suspected me of being gay for a long time but never said anything about it...until a few weeks ago.

Now that we're sharing the basement one thing we do on Friday and Saturday nights is stretch out on the sleeper sofa and watch a movie, and then sleep together. It gives us a chance to talk privately, and since we don't see each other much during the week it's also a good time to catch up.

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Did My Journal About Carter Suck?

I have to ask this because I didn't get a single comment on it, and taking in a relative like that is kind of a big deal?

Just wondering?


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Over the last month since I last wrote on here there's been some real big changes in my life, the biggest is that I now have two younger brothers.

Right after I recovered from my flu/pneumonia combo dad sat Hayden and I down and updated us on our cousin David and his eight-year-old son Carter, and while they've never had it great David had just lost his job and if none of our relatives could take Carter in he'd have to turn him over to the state. Think of the poorest people you know and those two are even poorer.

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I Hate The Flu!

I've been sick the last two weeks, and got out of the hospital Friday after being there a few days with a flu/pneumonia combination that could have gotten really bad for me. The good news is I'm better, bad news is basketball season for me is over.

I shouldn't be too surprised by that really, especially after missing practice because I was too weak, but it's kind of like after all the dedication and practice it's just over for now. My school had a chance at playoffs with me on the team, and not to sound cocky, without me it would have been that much harder.

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I wrote previously mentioned chatting with a gay teen that lives near me, and this time I'm going to write about Luke, and what it's like to have a secret boyfriend.

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This time I want to write about my best friend Tanner, our friendship, and the secrets I keep from him.

I've known Tanner my whole life, and he's just a few weeks older than me, and our families have a even longer history spanning several generations. We've always done stuff together: Scouts, sports, and even sex. I'll write about that later in this journal.

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Everything I Never Wanted To Know About Being Gay I Was Taught In Chat Rooms

In the spring of 2012 we remodeled our small two bedroom house and finished the basement, turning it into a third bedroom with a full bath. By brother Hayden and I had outgrown our twin beds and there was no way two full size ones would have fit in that room. It was our Spring Break project, and a flip of a coin decided who would get the basement.

I won!

With more privacy, I was able to spent more time online researching gay stuff. I needed answers to some tough questions:

Why was I attracted to boys and not girls?

Why was I attracted to a girl that LOOKED like a boy?

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The Summer With Jake

I again want to thank everyone for their great comments, and I appreciate this site more each time I come here. I wish I didn't have to sneak on here to write stuff, but that how it has to be for now.

I want to write about some things that happened to me a few years ago that I think opened my mind up me to becoming gay, or at least cracked the door open a tiny bit.

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The Pressures I Face, And How I Cope With Small Town Boredom

I want to start by thanking everyone who made comments on my first posting here, it feels great to be welcomed like that and I hope I don't disappoint anyone with what I write.

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Hello From The Heartland!

Hi! I'm Brady, I'm almost 15, and this is the first time I've ever done anything like this. I'm writing this because I think people out should know that gays like me exist, and just how hard it is for us to be different. I think people on here will understand that. None of the names I use here, including mine, are real but it has to be that way.

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