Linden, I'm proud of YOU!
I've been busy since I last wrote on here, but now I finally have time to do a update that isn't rushed.
I think anyone who has been reading my journals knows my relationship with my mom is over, but part of me is hanging to to hope that there's something wrong with her that's causing her irrational behavior. I've talked to everyone in my family about this, and they all are shocked that I would even feel this way. Dad told me that's he's proud of me...and he's also told me that he doesn't want me to get hurt.
The last ten days have been rough, just hellish.
Last week my mom made a surprise visit when dad wasn't home, but it wasn't to say "hi" or check on me. Since the cable was in her name she had to return the modem and DVR to not get the super high equipment charge, and she came to collect them.
Or as she said, "Give me the fucking modem and DVR right now you little pervert!!!"
But it didn't end there. All the utilities were in her name and she had them all disconnected.
"Give me your fucking phone NOW!!!!"
It's been too long since I've written on here, and the reasons why are real bad.
In my last journal I had the impression that things were going good for me, and they were, but there was a hidden thunderstorm that was about to hit, and I wasn't prepared for it.
Right after I wrote the "Pizza With Dad" journal my family went down to Florida for a weekend getaway, and my parents let my boyfriend Colin come along with us. We stayed at a Holiday Inn Express, with my parents in one room and Colin and I in another.
Almost a week after Mother's Day my dad had the talk with me that my brother Michael had mentioned would be happening, but they way his did it made for a good time.
Right around dinner time a pizza was delivered and instead of eating in our house we ate in my bedroom above the garage. That was my first hint that dad really wanted to talk to me, the second hint was that my mom wasn't there. She was out showing a property and would stop somewhere to eat.
It's been almost a month since I last posted on here and lots has happened, and I finally can sit down and write again. It feels good to be back on here!
I really want to start by writing about Mother's Day, because what happened really changed me and my family.
Last Tuesday in debate were held a classroom debate on whether or not the subject matter of the speech I gave at the tournament was appropriate or not?
Most of my classmates sided with me, but a few took the other side as I had expected they would.
This is my speech:
"As kids, we are often reminded of how we are the future. The actions we take, the decisions we make, and the lifestyles we choose can impact our futures. As a member of that uncertain future, I feel a need to ask the tough, and when necessary, the uncomfortable questions.
This school year I've come to equally anticipate and dread the Monday after a debate tournament mainly because we spend the class going over the judge's scoring sheets, with our teacher interpreting the results to us.
After giving my speech about gay athlete's I really didn't know what to expect, even though I knew my score had to somewhat low. Could I have been in fourth place, missing third by a point or two? Or did I just suck?
I've had lots of friends sleep over at my place, but mostly it's been my best friend and neighbor Tommy, and when he stays the night it's more of us being goofy together than sleeping.
Having my first boyfriend spend the night? Wow, I was so nervous.
Colin came over around 8 last Saturday night and I introduced him to my mother, who asked him a lot of questions. Actually, it was weird because my parents never really do that when I have a friend over, but this time she did.
Weird title, I'll admit it.
The Saturday of the debate tournament came, but the biggest debate I hate was with myself: Should I wear the shiny tie or not? Lots of over thinking there, believe me.
Right before my father and I left that morning, Colin sent me a text asking if we could give him a ride to the tournament and back because him mother was called in to work. He lives on the way there, so it wasn't a big deal to pick him up.
Been a tough week for me. My area was hit with flooding a few days ago, and my family wasn't all that affected because we're on a higher elevation than the rest of the town, but we didn't have internet for a a few days and no school as well.
A few days after I read my speech to my class I started getting notes in my locker, anonymous comments about my speech. There were no negative ones, but most were eye opening.
A few examples:
On Monday in debate class I read what was essentially an edited version of my last journal (The Gay Athlete's Anguish), adding a part about the fear of changing and showering with a gay teammate to replace any personal references, along with a part about how Americans are becoming more accepting of gays, except when it comes to sports.
When I finished there was silence. I mean I could hear the clock on the wall behind me ticking. Or was that my heartbeat?
This is something I originally was going to use for my Introduction To Debate class, but I think it'll be more suitable here.
I've been playing sports for my entire life, really for as long as I can remember. Some of my earliest baby pictures have footballs and baseballs as props, and I think being an athlete is in my blood. I've played on competitive teams since I was five, and being taller than the other boys has always been an advantage to me as is being a naturally fast runner.
Living on the Gulf coast in a popular tourist area has lots of good points, but there's also elements of it that I hate, or at least creep me out.
Or maybe it doesn't?
We have lots of tourists, seasonal residents, and the year rounders who have a love/hate relationship with the temporary residents. Even I feel that way about them!
I've never really described myself, and I think if I do what I'm going to delve into later on in this journal might make more sense?
I wrote last time in my journal about some of my interests, and this time I want to write about what it's like living on the Gulf coast and how my life has changed.
I'm the youngest kid in a large family of all boys (my oldest brother is in his 30's) and in 2011 my older brother moved out and went to college far from my state's capital city where we used to live. We lived in a huge house, six bedrooms and three baths in a rich neighborhood, but my parents decided to downsize since it would just be the three of us.