i've made a friend...who i barely even know, yet we have shared so much already... it's confusing... he's someone i can tell things, with a certain security. i trust him without question. even though i'm trusting by nature, it's still abit strange for me to be so open with someone relatively new, so quickly... i think this is a good thing =]
i'm trying to keep to a comitment now. because a person can so rarely remember everything that goes on, during everyday of that person's life. in atempt to cling to some of those smaller details, a decision had been made to try and write at least once every few days, so as too keep everything fresh in mind. it will be good to be able to look back in the future at what was said about things that were happening as they happened.
yesterday i had to enroll at the college i'm about to start. it was really tedious and i felt really crap already cuz i had to walk all the way there, which took me like 40 minutes, and i hadn't eaten anything at all yet ,and had only a glass of coke to drink.. it was sooo bloody hot. then when i got there, i had to fill out a ton of forms and then wait to be 'interviewed'. after that i had to go around a room collecting papers and information about the place in general.
i've finaly found someone who i can connect with.
its a bit clichéd(sp?), but i can feel anything with him,
and be happy just to actualy feel it. i'm a bloody walking advertisement for teen angst, half of the time. but life never opens one door without slamming another in you're face, i'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop... maybe i shouldn't be so pesamistic(sp? dammit, i can't spell
why do all these people who are higher up on the the teenage social status scale(bull shit i know...), feel the need to make themselves feel better about the own mediorce stints of time on this god damned orb. and when said people are away from 'the crowd' they act all different and apollogise about being so big a retard, that they just go along with what everyone else says, just to fit in, cause the feel like its the only way they can be happy and feel good with themselves.
god knows why we goes through days feeling like we have nothing to do, no where to go, no point to being even alive. then you log onto the net and its possible to find dozens of people, if not more, who feel the exact same way. god bless the internet!!! and thank jebus for bands like Staind, Papa roach, Yellowcard and Trapt to while away the hours... <(^-^<) <(^-^)> (>^-^)>
Lost and broken,
Hopeless and lonely.
Smiling on the outside,
and hurt beneath my skin.
My eyes are fading,
My soul is bleeding.
I'll try to make it seem okay,
But my faith is wearing thin.
So help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long.
Help me fill this soul,
Even though this is not your fault,
That I'm open,
And I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
I feel like i wanna talk to someone,
to spill my fears, thoughts and hopes.
But it isn't so easy, choosing what to say and to who is key. one wrong word to the wrong person can make things soo much more worse.... why is being gay, and 16 soo damn hard. why couldnt i 'realise' my sexuality in a few years time. when i'm more of an age to act freely upon it.
It feels like i'm standing still on the peak of a mountain, crying out for help, but only hearing my echo in responce... is this what the rest of my life will be like...?
the one day i leave the house for more than a few hours,
and it's a crappy day! i cant believe some people. ranting on about how
gay people should be lined up and shot... they fear what they dont comprehend,
so they try and use extermination as an answer. what a bunch of bloody wankers!!!
people who can say they're 'open minded' can store alot of stupid beliefs in
their so called 'minds'.
it's my first time writting here again since january, i've missed doing it,
but my school cant access it because of blocks.
anyways, i've been living in spain for about 7 months, and i've just fitted
in with the change, i just go along with it.
thanx to everyone who wished me good luck when i was moving.
it meant alot to me.
at the momment, i'm in england for my summer holidays.
5 more weeks left here, and i'm going out my head with boredom...
o.k, so today is totaly like my versiion of some weird coming of age type movie.
i guess when you reach your mid-teens you start goin through this sort of sickly little episode, it reminds me of a dawson's creek episode.
i need to find out where my life is going...
wings of darkness frame a soul,
of who was once an angel in heaven,
but god scorned this creature for being impure,
and condemned it to earth,
to live an unforgiving existance.
this creature took the form of an ancient omen,
and set upon it's quest to reclaim it's place in the sun,
it travelled the globe in search of redmeption,
but only finding the wake of evil where ever it went.
to this day it still wanders,
trying to purge it's spirit of all sins,
apearing to those who are believed to be doomed,
it searches for the lost hope in man.
that is the call of the raven...
it is sooo true,
most guys from countries outside of your own tend to lean towards the hotter side of the spectrum. to the standard english bloke, a nice tanned spanyard looks like a god.