This may sound snotty or smug to those of you with very big problems, but I have to say I'm thankful that my sexual preference hasn't been a source of torment since I've come out. Aside from longing to be with someone -- and very few human beings don't experience that -- I've managed to live out my life pretty smoothly. I know that's not the case with many people here. I'm sorry.
Well then. I hope it sticks this time. So far, so good. I've gained two pounds. My nose isn't running. My only possible symptom is a slight headache, but that could be from reading off the monitor.
Maybe that dream about my professor was a sign. Maybe it was an omen of better health and better weather. It was pretty nice out today. I think it's all connected.
Maybe I'm going insane...
I had a dream that I was hanging out with my East Asian politics professor on a Disney cruise ship. For reference, he is a ~50 year old man, tall, thin, clean shaven, who always came into class with a skullcap on. He had an accent that sounded like a combination of New Yorker and news caster-style British. Imagine someone like Woody Allen pronouncing all their 'a's long, as in "father". It was so strange listening to him lecture.
I've felt like utter shit today. I'm thankful that the resturant date was called off today, at least. My nose has been running, and my stomach has been cramped up since around noon. It's really hurting now. I don't know why I'm writing this, sympathy from strangers who can't even touch me won't make the pain better. Maybe I just want to take my mind off it...
I'm thinking of sleeping it off, if I can.
I'm listening to Fool's Paradise's archives this morning. They're a radio show with awesome songs like "She's A Bad Motorcycle" and "Screaming Mee Mees from Planet X". That DJ Rex is one cool cat, daddy-o. The url is http://www.wfmu.org/playlists/FP, if you're interested.
On an entirely different front, there's http://www.the-clitoris.com/default.htm. It's a site about women's genitals. Lovely, I know. It's actually educational, and has a bit of a feminist lean. You can learn the average length of the clitoris and why some women smell different than others. I know, it sounds kind of funny, but it's a good source for information. Sex education in school is pretty sorry, so you'll almost be guaranteed to learn something.
I went to bed at 7 pm. I was really tired and had a stomachache. I'm not sure if the stomachache was related to my cold or not, but I hope it isn't, since I want to keep the weight I've gained. Going on a sickness-induced diet is not something I want or need. I mean, I don't particularly enjoy being in pain, or vomiting, or having diarrhea...
I'm pretty sure I'm coming down ill. My throat's been bothering me, my sniffles haven't gone away, and I've been coughing every morning since Monday. This especially sucks since I'm going to see one of my relatives on the weekend.
This is actually a news story I caught at the New York Times Online. I know that nonmembers won't be able to view it if I just post the url, so here's the article in full. Be careful out there, kids, you don't want your ass to bleed from diarrhea:
Advisory Issued on Rare Disease Spread by Sex
By DAVID TULLER
Published: November 9, 2004
Federal health officials are advising doctors to be on the alert for a rare sexually transmitted disease that is on the increase among gay men in the Netherlands and other countries.
Blacks fought years and years for their civil rights, and, as legend has it, that fight ended sometime after the '60s, and all of a sudden white people quit lynching them and everyone was tolerant. Colorblindness ruled the land.
But blacks know that "colorblindness" is bullshit. Even if nobody rational is going to openly attack blacks anymore, there are still subtle acts of prejudice going on...the condescending way some store clerks treat blacks, for example. And the really hateful bastards didn't disappear, they just went underground. The Civil Rights Era certainly ended prematurely, if we believe the popular myth.
In one of my rare forays into the outside world, I visited the local hippie-owned thrift shop and bought myself a load of books. The prices ranged from a quarter to a dollar. I have not finished most of them. I'm a dirty, rotten pack rat, and I barely have room on my shelves for them.
Yeah, meeting somebody's a pain in the ass. I think you should be required to take a test determining your social intelligence before you come out. Either that, or everyone get tatoos advertising their sexual affiliation. I'm clueless. Completely. I have no gaydar. All I know is that the college girls I see in lower Manhattan are kind of cute...even if they're all with their boyfriends.
Yeah, so, some milder grievances. I've been out as woman-liking since senior year of high school, but, ironically, I've dated nothing but guys ever since. As a matter of fact, I didn't even get a boyfriend until after I came out. Of course, when I told him about my feelings, he took "bisexual" as meaning "automatic threesome".
The guy after him was kind of a homophobe, so I chose not to say anything to him; probably should have though, since it would have been an easy way to filter out an ass. He wasn't a huge asshole, but he had this really slick, superficial manner about him, and he'd whine like a little girl if his ego was wounded in the slightest way. If I wasn't paying enough attention to him on AIM, he'd get into an argument with me, and he took high offense when I teasingly called him a nerd for liking Star Trek.
It's not like I stuffed him in a locker...