crookedsmile's picture

Conversations

How are you, Mouth? It's Ears and Brain here we felt that it was time we sat
down together and went through a few things. Call them ground rules if it
makes you feel happier. We've been working together for a long time now,
Mouth, haven't we?"

"Sure have, Brain."

"Except, Mouth, we haven't really. For some reason you seem to think that it's perfectly okay to just go off without consulting us. The chain of command seems to have

crookedsmile's picture

Haikus

Yeah, I know. I need help. Haikus shouldn't be this fun.

Thought I had this kicked
I have to admit I'm a
syllable junkie

I can't stop counting
fingers constantly moving
need some therapy

thought I was cured and
put them down for a while
I'm at it again

just started with one
an example for a friend
now I'm hooked once more

worse than heroin
this damn five seven five thing

crookedsmile's picture

Relax, Don't Do It To Yourself Again

I hand some cash over to the teller.
I just wanna get to our room.
We've had to wait behind a queue of 30 Japanese tourists.
They've taken our pictures twice so far.
Just wait 'til they get them developed!
I made sure I was checking out Madison's rack in both of them!
Yeah, old habits die hard.
Cheered me up!
Always like to slip something naughty into everything I do.
Makes life bearable, right?

crookedsmile's picture

Your Future

Here's a piece of paper. Start planning your life. Conform. Right now. Write it
all down. Choose your future they tell you. Here are your options, take notes.
Write it down. Finalize it. Set it in stone. Conform.

Yes, that's right, plan out your next four years or so. But be cautious,
screw up in those four years...and you're screwed for life. So choose wisely.

Yes, that's right, Conform. Be like us: Fruitful, Ambitious, Kind, Efficient, Serious.

crookedsmile's picture

L Word

I heard about a show about lesbians...
It's supposed to be the Queer As Folk for girls.
Anyone seen it?
Is it any good?

crookedsmile's picture

War = Freedom

I've never quite gotten this logic. The whole idea that by sending soldiers to
countries across the war, you're gaining freedom. Why?
As far as I know, other than the Taliban, no one has threatened America lately.
As for the whole freedom thing, who'se are we talking about?
How does a soldier fighting another countries war solidify your freedom?
If George W. really went to Iraq to free the people, shouldn't he be freeing other countries too?

crookedsmile's picture

Fairy Tales And Real Life

'You know I've always wanted you, M...'
I move my hands through her hair and hold her face, pulling her mouth towards
mine.
Her warm breath feels like a touch on my lips.
I've waited so long for this.
So long.

'Oww!'
My eyes fly open as I feel the jab in my side.
What the Hell?
Where'd M's lips go?
Hold up... I was about to get lucky.

'Hey Snoozy, take a look up ahead!'

No, that's not what I want to do!

crookedsmile's picture

Keep Your Eyes on the Road and Your Hands Where I can See Them!

Henceforth, Sam shall be known as Madison.

Jeez, what a ride.
We hooked up with a convertible.
Pal of Madison's was out of town for a month so we kind of did the borrowing without asking hooking up.

Nice ride though.
Dumped the Britney cd's the first chance I got.
Hopefully they'll biodegrade in the sun.

I still can't believe my 'getting away from M' now consists of 'going away with M'.

crookedsmile's picture

Planning Ahead Is Essential

This is just a story I'm trying. Might work on it more. It it doesn't work I'll have them knocked down and killed by a horde of tourists. Also I need names. Anyone got suggestions. Sara and Sam aren't really good names. Help!!
And about the references to evil and super strong.
I'm making them superheroes or agents or something.
It's really only an excuse to add lots of fights.
And magic.

crookedsmile's picture

Prelude to Thirteen

'Just punch him!'

'I'm--trying! Hold his... ungh... stop laughing, Sara, and...'

'You're a real top notch fighter. Watch out for... ouch. You ok?'

'Yes! Help me up.'

'Don't get the dirt on my leathers, I just wiped them down... hey, I said...
crap, now you got them dirty.'

'Good. You could have helped me, Sara.'

'Why? You kicked his ass. I like seeing you fight anyway. Don't roll your eyes,

crookedsmile's picture

Fic - Thirteen

1
I made a mental note to myself not talk about sex with Sara.
Unfortunately I scribbled it down and can't read it properly.

2
Sara has got a one track mind.
I know this.
Except her one track is now scratched and stuck looping the same thing.

3
Sara doesn't have any low fat yoghurt.
She does have a low fat body.
She's talking to me about... something... while getting out of her clothes.

crookedsmile's picture

CSI

I was watching CSI last night as per household mandate when I came to the
realization that a crime scene investigator can solve any mystery or answer
any question as long as he has a small glass vial with some stuff in it, and
an eyedropper full of Miracle Clear Question Answering Liquid. Apparently
ANYTHING can be determined by carefully placing the eyedropper with the
Miracle Liquid into the Vial of Questions. What is this liquid?

crookedsmile's picture

Just Some Shit From School Yesterday... Some Of Which Made Me Feel Like An Orphan

1) I forgot my PIN number. I guess that's what happens when you carry a three
dollar balance in your checking account for four months. So if any of you know
my PIN, cough it up. I need it.

2) I did manage to scrape up enough change to buy myself a bottle of water...
which I promptly dropped and spilled all over myself. In front of, say, a
billion people. All of whom were carrying beverages successfully-- some with

crookedsmile's picture

Drinking Games That Aren't Good For Anybody:

1) The "Why Are There Paper Bags Wrapped Around The Wine Bottles?" game.
When you overhear someone ask how "this whole 'blind taste' thing" works,
you drink. Drink again if you see someone obliviously rip the bag off the
bottle to see the label.

2) The "If I Trip Over This Rosebush Again I'm Going To Bleed Out" game.
Take a drink for each time you catch your silk pants on a thorny branch. Two

crookedsmile's picture

How My Day Went

1) So I had two essay writing things due today. And I had them both done three
hours BEFORE the start of class. One of them I actually proof-read and then
edited. Yes. I said EDITED. I’ve never actually edited anything before; I mean,
you know, not before the teacher has gone ahead and graded it. I would explain
the circumstances as to why I showed this spontaneous burst of timely
organization, except that I don’t have the slightest fucking clue. Maybe my

Syndicate content