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"A Sorta Fairytale" by Tori Amos

"A Sorta Fairytale" by Tori Amos (the album version, not the one they play on the radio)

on my way up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

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totally out of it today

The funeral is tomorrow. Kirsten, Nicole, their sophomore friend Katie, and I are all going. I hope it isn't too sad. I really don't want to cry.

I am supposed to be going to school tomorrow just for first period, and go to the funeral from there, but Kirsten and Nicole aren't going to first period. I am having Nicole call in for me... I hope it works. Otherwise they consider it "cutting" school. -__- Yeah so we're pretending that Kirsten is giving me a ride to school, and then we're dropping Kylie off at school, and picking up Katie, and then going to get food. Or we will get food and then pick up Katie. I don't know. I need to go to the bank... Shit.

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a great start to the new year (sarcasm)

School is a horrible thing.

Analysis wasn't that bad, I actually remembered how to do the thing we were learning before we started break. It was amazing. I even got a problem right!

In analysis we found out that Kim's father had died suddenly. In homeroom we got more details, such as the fact that he was found in the bathroom by Kim's mother two hours after he died of the heart attack. Kim and her mother are going to have trouble paying for the funeral since Kim has to take care of her parents. We heard that they couldn't take her father to the morgue because they didn't have the money.

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to all of you

won't be able to update until Saturday, so:

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!

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what I told Laura...

so, here goes......

it didn't take that long for this to pop into my head:

we are friends, we can tell each other anything, we are there when the other needs to talk, we hang out, and we have fun. we do have serious moments, and we have almost ended our friendship two or three times, but have decided that it would be difficult for us to not have contact with the other.

although many friends do not try to take their relationship further, I believe we could. and it's not just an issue of me wanting the title, I love you. you know I do, and if I ever lost you, I would never be able to love again. who knows, I may get so depressed that I'd do something stupid, not that I want to.

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guilt complex

She said those things around 1:00 this morning.
Yes, I must admit that I was excited at first, also feeling like I would be defeated.
I stayed up with her a little while longer, but then I had to go to bed.
I woke up at 1:00 this afternoon, and felt different.
I felt triumphant, but I also felt it would not be right to try and force her to be my girlfriend.
She would be unhappy, and I would be unhappy because she was unhappy.

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never thought she'd say something like that

if you can't tell, or don't know already, xx1stars1xx is me. Elysium821 is Laura, the girl I am in love with and am always talking about...

xx1stars1xx (1:10:46 AM): ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xx1stars1xx (1:11:32 AM): WILL YOU JUST BE MY GIRLFRIEND ALREADY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Elysium821 (1:11:40 AM): frustrated dear?
Elysium821 (1:12:24 AM): i thought we've been through this conversation. what is so special about me being your girlfriend that we don't already have?

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Friday...

YES!!! LAURA IS MOST LIKELY COMING OVER FRIDAY TO CELEBRATE NEW YEAR'S!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!! I GET TO SHARE A BED WITH HER!!!!!!!!! (no, nothing will happen, since she still doesn't see me as more than a friend.)

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dunno

Yes! I am talking to Laura! And she told me she can come over New Year's Eve! She's sleeping over, and we're sharing my bed. LOL! I know it's Christmas, but, I get to "sleep with Laura!" LOL!! Hell yeah!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it wasn't that bad today. Fiona, who is now two, was running around my Uncle Tim and Aunt Jean's house the whole time. Her three older sisters were a little hyper, and were screaming while they were playing down in the basement. At one point Moira got her mother's camera, and they somehow got a picture of me laying on the floor. (I was laying on the floor because I ate too much god damn food, and I was tired and trying not to puke, lol.) It was insanity with the Sweeney's again... Big surprise there. Aunt Anne and Uncle Ed came around 5, and then we opened the gifts. I got a $50 gift card to JcPenney from Grandma and Grandpa Sweeney. Sean had me for the kids exchange, and he got me a $30 gift card to Hot Topic. YES!!!!!! After that we had to leave to go to my Grandma and Grandpa Lee's house in North Ridgeville.

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sleep

I'm feeling better. It's amazing what sleep can do...
I have to work tonight, and I'm not dreading it. My mother did say that it would most likely be busy because of last minute shoppers. Weird, I normally hate going to work.
I get to see my best friend Loretta tomorrow night, weather permitting. I'm so glad my parents said yes. :-D
I might be doing the gift exchange with my two other best friends tonight after I get off at 9:30. I'm not sure though, since we didn't really plan it...

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AnD hErE gOeS mY rOLLeRcOaStEr RiDe Of ThOuGhTs AnD eMoTiOnS

This is not good... I was fine, now I'm not. What happened? This is never good... I think I'm trapped in my mind. Being trapped in your mind is a very dangerous thing. All you do is think about things, and then this can cause you to become depressed and possibly want to do bad things.

I need to get out of my house. I need to do something with someone, or at least talk to someone, before I do something I regret. Fuck! Why the hell do I have to being trapped in my fucking mind? My breaks always end up sucking because of this, because I think too much, and then I want to hurt myself... God damn it! Why can't I just be fucking normal?!

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Heterosexual Questionnaire

from the livejournal of az_darkwater; which was taken from his friend's (moonbladem) protected journal entry

Heterosexual Questionnaire

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you decide that you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay or lesbian lover?

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"Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts

This is a song that Michelle and Lindsay played in the car on the way home from Denny's. It made me cry, so it's obviously a good song. (Not that it wasn't good if it didn't make me cry.)

"Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

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break: good and bad

Break starts. Yay! :-D Break is both good and bad.

Good:
I am away from the evil assholes in my class for two whole weeks.
I do not get school work assigned to me every day.
I have no homework to do.
I get to sleep more.
I get to sit on my ass all day, unless I have to work.
I can practice my oboe more.
I have more time for myself and to do what I want.
I can go out with my friends more often.

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I had a snow day today!

yay. I had today off. I spent all day on the computer, well, after going back to sleep for 4 hours anyway. my friend who moved to Strongsville called at 7:23 and said that it wasn't fair that she had school and I didn't. I was like, "huh?" since I didn't know and I wasn't really awake yet. I started watching the school closings on T.V., and sure enough, St. Augustine Academy in Lakewood was there. :-D so I went back to bed.

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