I cannot believe that people would actually think this way. You have no idea how much it hurt me to see that website. Normally the word "fag" doesn't bother me, but the way they used it just put me in so much pain. I cannot believe that this man thinks that he's right, and that he is a "Reverend." I learned that he protested at a school because it was the only one in Arkansas (?) to have a GSA.
I NEED A FUCKING CIGARETTE!!!!!
(I'm not even a regular smoker... I have smoked occasionally though... That's how bad this is getting.)
This is wonderful. This is not going to be a fun Christmas. This Christmas is going to be exactly like Christmas sophomore year, except I'm on meds, I have more friends, and more things to worry about...
I haven't started shopping yet, and I have no idea when I'll have the time to shop. I'm FUCKED!!!! I have to buy for my mother, father, brother, cat, Lindsay, Michelle, Kirsten, Nicole, Loretta, Amanda, Kristin, Suzie, Laura, my little sis from school, and I will probably end up buying a little something for everyone involved in instrumental music, since there are only four of them... -__- Shit. My budget for friends is $20, or I will have no money... Let's see, I have ten friends, and I am going to spend about $5 each on the band people, so they count as another person. Oops, wait, I forgot someone, I forgot Kris Graber. $240 is what I will be spending on my friends alone. Great... I can't buy all these gifts at once... Someone please shoot me now... I don't get paid again until December 3... It will be a big check though, since I have to work Thursdays now, and the day after Thanksgiving.
I don't really know what to write. I do have good news for once. Laura and I have decided to remain friends. I also don't have to work at night all this weekend. Sunday I work from 11 something to 4 something I think. I wonder who I'll do something with... *Sigh.* My life is so busy and I have so many things to do... I have to think of a topic for my English essay. It is a paper on cause and effect, and the rough draft is due December 1 since my teacher is nice and cancelled next week's class.
Instead I am procrastinating. I don't know why, but I just can't seem to buckle down today. This is the only homework I have to do, since I just found out my English class was cancelled last week because my teacher was sick. Ah! What the hell is wrong with me?!
Anyway, I went out with Laura last night. We went to Applebee's and ate. We then went to Giant Eagle, and both of us bought stuffed animals. I got a penguin, and she got a bear. She also got things for her hair. We decided to go to Giant Eagle again, because we'd have to go home if we didn't do anything else.
This is so great. Although I have to work today, I get to see Laura after I get off. I'm sure of this since I was upstairs at exactly midnight, I did my chores, and put in a load of laundry for my mother. Since I already have plans, I cannot stay late. Oh darn, how sad. I guess I'm only going to have to work the four and a half hours that I was scheduled for. Isn't that so sad?
I'm ecstatic, as you can tell by the little mood icon. I can't wait to see Laura. I just hope I like her hair... I'm sure I will, I just may be a bit shocked when I see she chopped almost all of it off. I'll probably still think she's hot...
"How The Grinch Stole Gay Marriage"
Taken from the journal of someone in a gay community on LJ. Originally by Mary Ann Horton.
Every Gay down in Gayville liked Gay Marriage a lot......
But the Grinch, who lived just east of Gayville, did NOT!!
The Grinch hated happy Gays! The whole Marriage season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, his Florsheims were too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all was
His heart and brain were two sizes too small.
I'm no longer torn. It was only about twenty four hours in which I was feeling that way. Laura did something and showed me how she was feeling, so it helped me to see. I didn't get my hopes up, but it did help me make my decision on whether I should let my feelings for her go or not.
I now know what I must do. (I've got to kiss her!!) It's worth a try. Wish me luck all.
I think I did well last night when I was talking to Laura... (Major sarcasm there.) Just to let you know, it's long.
Yeah, now I don't know if I should hold on to hopes for something that may never happen, or if I should let them go and get over Laura...
I never thought I would get to this point. I'm torn, and this hurts so much. I have no idea what to do right now. If only I had the courage to just kiss her like I've wanted to...
Amanda is on, and we have been talking for quite a while. It was mainly about the various comments the two of us have made in the past week about the ones that we are in love with. The weird thing is, they happen to be cousins... However, Laura's cousin is a boy. Amanda is normal, and I am the abnormal member of the homosexual community. Blah, I'm sick of this shit... No one knows what it's like to be a lesbian, gay, bi, or transgendered. It's so hard to deal with at times...
I almost kissed Laura after school when we were in the sophomore hallway by ourselves... For some reason I didn't... What the hell is wrong with me? *Sigh* Maybe if we do something this weekend I'll have the courage to do so... Anyway, this song basically shows how I feel about Laura.
"Beautiful Soul" by Jesse McCartney
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
Last night when Laura and I were talking on the phone, she asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I wouldn't say at first, because what I wanted to say made me feel sort of dumb and like a loser. Eventually she "bugged" me enough that I told herI wanted her for Christmas. Corny I know, but it's true. I really wish I could have her... *Sigh* That's the only thing I really want for Christmas this year...
I had so much fun with Laura yesterday... LOL!
I worked last night from 5-10, but I got there late... Whoops, that's why I was supposed to get home at four after going out with Laura.
I got two people to apply for red cards (Target credit cards), so I got a $5 gift card. Sweet!
I had to go to church today, which sucked. I also had to work. My throat hurt so bad, and I almost had to stay until close... Thank goodness they understood about my throat...
So, today is wonderful. I slept in my school clothes last night because I didn't want to have to get up at the normal time to get dressed. I just got up, went to the bathroom, brushed my hair, put on deodorant, and then ate breakfast. My mother and I left shortly after and headed to Caribou Coffee.
I got a turtle mocha, which was yummy. I would not be functioning right now if I didn't have it. I wanted to sleep in analysis, but we had to continue learning the shit we started yesterday. I would have slept in homeroom and at the pep rally if I didn't have to have my name announced for the soccer team.
I'm so scared of the news Amanda is going to tell me tomorrow
She hasn't told me yet because I'll "flip out." Well, how about I'm fucking flipping out ANYWAY because she hasn't told me yet. All these horrible scenarios are running through my head, and I swear I'm going to have a god-damned panic attack before today is over...
On a happier note, Laura and I were hanging out after school today since we got out early and had to wait for our buses. We sat by her locker and just bull-shitted around and talked and laughed. When Amanda finally appeared, Laura was laying on her stomach. She kind of made this motion like she was going to hit Laura's ass with her umbrella. She wouldn't do it, so I was going to try to with my pan, but then Laura sat up.