it's been a long time since I last updated...
I don't know why I rarely come here anymore, maybe it's the fact that I don't really know or talk to anyone here since they don't talk to me. I mean, I try and everything...
If you're interested, I now have a livejournal, here is the link:
please post comments if you read it...
Yesterday was okay, except the fact that I felt bad all day since I didn't get my mom anything. That eventually led to me blowing up at both her and my father later in the day.
I got up at 9:30, which is amazing for me. I never get up before 10 on weekends. I did the normal stuff, eat, shower, get dressed, and go to church.
I also had to go to my cousin's first communion party at her mother's sister's house, and, mind you, I don't really know any of them. There were a ton of people, and the two families were totally separated. I sat at a table outside next to Maggie the whole time, and only moved to get a pop and to answer my cell phone away from them. I didn't get sunburn because I put some SPF 30 on before I got out of the car. Aunt Karen, Uncle Joe, Kevin and Joey had a card for me with $5 in it.
Advice for anything would be appreciated. Thank you. :-)
I called Loretta's house today at lunch, and her mother answered again and said she was sleeping. I told her that I was worried about her and that she may have hurt herself or something. Her mother then told me that they both have strep. -__-
If Lolo does have it, I'm sure she's using it to be able to stay at home. I just hope she realizes that she had me worried to death. I wonder what she's going to think when she gets the text messages and voice mail from me, if she ever turns her damn phone back on.
So, the concert went well. Michelle played her solos and everything else extremely well. I guess I did well on my solo, though I missed a few notes.
Yesterday was a good day, except I was really tired. I took a sleeping pill on Sunday, and it didn't seem to work. Maybe I took it with pop, I don't remember.
After school sucked though because of a few incidents with my girlfriend, and then Alex, the guy Lolo is "going out with" said some things and she knows. She had to give me her knife so that she didn't do anything.
last night when I got on the internet, I found out that Lolo's boyfriend hurt his arm. I guess he cut, & then burned it, & the injuries were bad enough that he couldn't feel his arm. he also threatened to kill himself or run away because his mom was being a bitch. Lolo was trying to talk him out of it, & then I guess it ended up that he wasn't allowed to go to the dance tonight, so Lolo started feeling like shit & wanted to cut. she told me that she had the knife in her hands, & I told her not to cut. I hope she didn't, since she promised Kristin & me that she wouldn't.
okay, I called Lauren and apologized. we're okay now, except she got all scared and thought that I was going to break up with her after I told her that Lolo and Kristin both said that Lauren and I should spend some time apart. I had no intention of doing so, mind you, but she did say that she'd kill herself I did break up with her, which was not a good thing to do. this is why I'm worried about her. no one should go and make comments like that and then say that they are okay and that they need to be able to get better by doing their own thing, even though it may not work. and this shit with Melissa having to ignore me is really starting to eat at me, which is not good... I wish I could tell her and her parents what it's doing to me, maybe she'd actually talk to me, I miss having her as a friend...
Like I said, random stuff: I love my girlfriend, she's doing better, I got a new screen name: xX1sTaRs1Xx, I have everything I need for the dance Friday, except the tickets because they didn't go on sale yet, and I get to see my girlfriend on Saturday. My 17th birthday is also in 2 weeks. :-D
-I got a new dress for Spring Fling, which is the 30th
-ACT score of 23, not below
-the depakote is working (less angry outbursts)
-I am sleeping better, and I am not really using my sleeping pills
-I have a job interview at Target on Tuesday
--I can possibly have the car to drive to school/the interview on Tuesday
-I may get to see my girlfriend this weekend if she doesn't end up in a psychiatric hospital first
Oh yay, this weekend has been fun... Yesterday I had to get up before ten since my parents were leaving for Niagara Falls to go pick my brother up from his camping trip early. They didn't trust me enough to leave me home by myself overnight, so I had to stay at my Grandma and Grandpa Sweeney's house. It wasn't that bad except the fact that I couldn't do what I wanted. It's the fucking last weekend of break!!! What the hell were my parents trying to do to me?! They said it was because of the neighbors we have, but I'm sure that's bullshit and that it was that they didn't trust me. What am I going to do, have a party? Yeah right! I'm not that stupid!!! If they go somewhere else after my birthday, I'm going to stay home because I'll almost be 18, so I should be able to. I don't care if they make arrangements for me to stay somewhere, I won't go. Oh well, the damn weekend is over, guess I can't do anything. -__-
Yay! I've been happy since the "episode," which was two weeks ago. It may be the medication, but I'm not sure. At my appointment on Tuesday, I asked Kris if I could sign a no harm contract, which is a very good thing. :-D You should all be proud of me!
I am worried about Loretta, Lauren, and Amanda though. Lolo had shit from her mother, and I haven't talked to her since, so I should probably call her tomorrow. Lauren needs to see her counselor sooner, at least I think so, but she's in Washington, D.C. now. Amanda is okay, since there is this gut Chris that she likes, and he seems to like her back, but she is seeing a lawyer because she wants to live with her dad, so, it's kind of, difficult for her now...
Thursday was great because I was home alone. I didn't do much besides sitting on the internet all day. I got up at 8:30 even though it was a day off, because my internal clock isn't used to getting up later on weekdays. I did walk to Malley's to get some things for my grandmother, and I saw the principal of my school, Sr. Pat, and the senior theology teacher there. Sr. Pat said hello, and I said hello back. They of course saw me since the Malley's store in Lakewood is quite small. I made sure to hurry up and get what I needed so they didn't try to talk to me.
Well, now that my girlfriend, Lauren, or bleedingemotions, is a member of this site, she'll see this entry, and hopefully not kill me.
Lauren came over today around 3:30, after I had done my chores, both the normal and other ones. We spent the whole time up in my room just holding each other. My room, bed, and even myself smell like her. :-D It was so wonderful. We have no problem becoming close, but we for some reason are too nervous to kiss the other. I don’t get it, and I don’t know what to do.
Well, this week has gone quickly. I can't believe that it's already Wednesday. That means break starts soon.
I have tomorrow off, and I'm happy because I'll actually have one day during break that my brother isn't home. I do love him and all, but I like to have the house to myself to.
I have an appointment with Kris today at 1:30, which is in about an hour. I get to leave social justice two minutes early, and then totally miss history and Brit. Lit.
I love everyone here at Oasismag! You are all so caring and helpful. Thank you!