Oh god, I think I'm losing my mind. This girl saw my profile on yahoo personals and IMed me... we got to talking and she seems really really really cool. Very romantic, intelligent, funny, etc. Doesn't have drug or alcohol problems like my ex, and just got a new (hopefully steady) job. We've probably spent about 6-8 hours talking over the past 2 days. The thing is, is she lives an hour and a half away from where I am up at school. (I happen to be home on spring break right now) Can I try another LDR? Granted, this isn't as long distance as my last, but neither of us have cars...so even an hour and a half is formidable. *sigh* I don't want to let distance stop me from meeting the love of my life (hypothetically), but at the same time my last relationships showed me what distance can do to a couple. There's a really really good chance that I'll be visiting this girl in the next few weeks (just a day trip, by greyhound). Don't worry...i'm not insane enough to rush into things as badly as I did last time, but my gut tells me this has potential. I guess only time will tell.
Oh man..did I ever need this week off.
So I told you all how I was rejected by the girl I like...well a few days later I found out I didn't get an RA job for next school year. That really really upset me...I didn't even realize how upset I was going to be when/if I didn't get the job. I've wanted to be an RA since my freshman year, and I've never contemplated not being one. Now knowing that I'm going to be just another senior in my dorm...well it's just kind of hard to handle. Maybe I can be an Honorary RA...I can make sure I'm really involved in whatever section I end up being in. I know one thing's for sure...I'll try very hard not to be one of those seniors who none of the freshman ever know because they're either in their room or at class all day.
Ok, so to anyone who read my last entry, I was planning on giving flowers to my crush last Saturday night after her performance in a choir concert. Well...I did, and it went fine. It took me forever to find her, and when I did I gave her the flowers, which suprised her, and then we chatted for a few minutes. All in all a good night.
And then came tonight....
*key ominous music*
I actually worked up the courage to ask her to the Junior Ball coming up next month for St. Patrick's Day... can we say crash and burn?! The first thing she said was "You mean as friends?" The conversation proceeded to go downhill from there, her explaining that I am the only lesbian on campus that she knows and she likes me as a friend, and she doesn't want to make anything "fuzzy"...I think she used the term "messy" at some point as well. Also, she's not really out-out on campus yet...only to select groups. So for those reasons she decided it was best for her not to go.
:: meekly waves :: Hey everyone. I know, I know...it's been awhile. Sorry I haven't posted, but I really think I've just been at a point, personally, where I didn't feel the need. I don't even know if anyone here keeps tabs on me anyways.
Okay, so a quick general summary of the past few months: I'm back at school and it's half way through the spring semester, about. I'm enjoying my classes this semester...can't believe I'll be a senior soon! I'm waiting to find out if I've gotten an internship with Cedar Point Amusement Park (as a summer internal auditor) and also an RA position with my dorm next school year. (I really really really want to be an RA!)
*sigh* I should've known this was going to happen. I'm in Texas to spend 2 weeks with my dad and stepmom for Christmas... my girlfriend was supposed to come visit...leave no later than today. Well i've been trying to call her for 2 days...and I can't get ahold of her. She's not returning my calls and She's never home when I call. I suppose I shouldn't give up completely...but it's still really disheartening. I'm really upset about this. Even if she has a good reason, she needs to communicate with me! A relationship doesn't work without it, especially long-distance ones! *sigh* Okay, well I'd blog more but it's late and I don't want to wake up my stepmom...not the person I want to deal with right now.
Whew. After about 44 hours of traveling I've made it home :-D. All in all it went well. I almost had to pay $110 due to a too-heavy carry on, and one of my bags missed the plane from LA to Denver, but it's all right. I didn't have to pay the money and my bag eventually made it.
It's good to be home :) I hung out with my best friend for awhile the day after I got home and will be going with her tomorrow morning to pick up some CD she wants from a music store.
Hard to believe I leave tomorrow to go back home. It's going to be a loooooong trip. Here's my schedule as of right now... keep in mind, it's kinda complicated...
Leave Perth @6:30 pm... Arrive in Auckland @ 6:00 am
Leave Auckland @ 10:30 pm... Arrive in L.A. @ 1:45 pm
Leave L.A. on whatever flight I can manage to fly standby on to get back to Denver because I will have missed my scheduled flight which leaves L.A. at 10:30 am.
I woke up in bed this morning and didn't know how I had gotten there. If this has ever happened to you, then you know how scary it is...and the more I think about it, the scarier it gets. I was a moron last night and drank way too much and ended up blacking out. (blacking out meaning that I have absolutely no memory of what happened and I didn't know what I was doing at the time because I was so drunk) I've never blacked out before and I never want to again...I don't know how I got home from the bar (It's just a 2 min. walk), I don't know when I came home...I'm so lucky that I didn't end up getting hit by a car or anything.
First off, I'm DONE for the semester!! Woohoo!! I've actually been done since Tuesday, but haven't posted since then. My last essay on my last exam was complete crap, but by that point I just didn't care.
Onto other interestingness...well, it's official that nothing more is going to be happening between Kate and I. It's probably a good thing because just when I was agonizing over all this stuff, who happened to come online for the first time in months? My girlfriend! I'm convinced it was a sign that I need to keep what's between Kate and I to nothing more than kissing. Anyways, so I spend all day yesterday and last night over at Kates and nothing happened, and that's even with us sleeping in the same bed! I was really nervous going to bed, just being that close to someone I'd extensively made-out with last weekend, but it ended up being all right. I did, at one point, have a rather vivid dream about the two of us though...lol.
I have ONE MORE exam and I'll be done for the semester! Woohoo! Unfortunately this exam is the one that will kick my ass the hardest. Yeah...Business in Asia. The concept isn't hard, but he expects us to basically know everything for the exam and didn't narrow the topics at all. And it's a freaking lot of material to cover. And none of us have really started studying yet. It's going to be a Late night! The only consolation is that if we all fail then it won't really matter...and that's what it's looking like right now.
I can't get last night off my mind. I should feel guilty...I mean, I have a girlfriend...and I spent a couple hours last night making out with another girl. And to be honest, I can't say that I don't want to go further. Am I a horrible person? It's hard to explain, really, how I feel having not seen my girlfriend in 6 months, not knowing when I'll see her again, and having our relationship be rather shaky to begin with.
Yeah...last night was...interesting. For those who didn't read my earlier post, the group decided to take me to the gay club/bar in town for my 21st birthday. I invited Kate to come along, and she just met us there. Well I ended up drinking about 15 drinks out of a goal of 21...I knew I wouldn't make 21 from the get-go, lol. The club was virtually empty when we first got there b/c we went right after it opened so we wouldn't have to pay the cover charge.
Woohoo! I'm now officially "of age" in the U.S. Kinda ironic that I'm turning 21 in a country where the legal drinking age is 18, lol...but whatever.
Tonight's going to be verrry interesting . Apparently some of the others were talking and decided that they were going to take me out to the gay club for my birthday (as long as it's all right with me). They figure that since I've spent all semester going to the bars/clubs they like, they can do the opposite for once. ;) I thought it was kinda sweet. So there will be a big group of straight people at the gay club tonight...fun times. I have a feeling I'm going to be pretty worthless for the first half of the day tomorrow!
Two weeks from now I'll be on a plane going to New Zealand, where, after a too-long layover, I'll proceed on to Los Angeles and then Denver. I'm starting to feel sad that my time here in Australia is almost over. Despite the fact that the next week and a half will consist of me cramming for finals that are worth a ridiculous % of my grade, I'm going to try and enjoy the rest of my time here. Plus I'll have 6 days after my last final to enjoy before I go home.
Awww...Shit. I just slept through my first class of the day, which happened to be the last session of that class for the semester. I was definitely wasted last night, and this is why getting drunk on a weeknight is NOT a good idea. :-P One of my friends was supposed to wake me up, but she forgot...
Yeah...so last night. I was definitely flirting with this girl, who is actually one of my friends' host students. But she ended up with this guy from my lodge...and I definitely complained to several people about how "J and I had been competing for the same girl and he won". Hehe. If they hadn't known I was gay before...but they all did so it doesn't matter. J, at some point, was talking about how wierd it was to be "competing" with a girl, lol. At the same time I'm just a little embarrassed...I mean, I didn't really want to hook up with the girl or anything, I think I was thinking just a kiss or something would've been fun. But the whole time I didn't really think about my girlfried from home. It's a little disconcerting.