dazed and confused's picture

we'll be ok

I called up my girlfriend the other day and got a chance to talk to her about the IM I got from her ex-best friend. I feel 100% certain after talking to her that she's not cheating on me, and that this other girl was trying to stir up trouble. There HAS been stuff going on, but it's not her cheating on me. Basically she spent almost a month in jail (the time I couldn't get a hold of her) for posession of drugs. (I didn't ask what) Well that experience really woke her up. She's stopped drinking and doing drugs, and has been clean for over a month now. I really think this can work out...I still love her and I know she still loves me too. We just have to hang in there, ya know?

I feel alot better...I still am sad that we can't talk more often, but In the last letter I wrote her, I asked her if she would write me more often...hopefully she will. I just feel like I'm not really a part of her life right now. I'd imagine she feels much of the same way.

It's not even 4 months before I'll be back home...that's not too long, really. We can do this.

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negative environment

I'm disliking the environment here in the lodge I am living at this semester more and more. The probelm is almost entirely with the guys I'm living with. They repeatedly put down women (pretty much any women's sport that comes up when we're watching the olympics they ask why anyone would want to watch it), and they use references to female anatomy as put-downs. Sure, I hear people call people "pussy" all the time, but when that's combined with all this other stuff it just gets annoying. At one point one of the guys referred to one of the male athletes as "having a vagina" because he lost the race. Not suprisingly they also use anti-gay slurs frequntly. They're always talking about sex in crude ways, not at all tastefull or decent. Just this morning they got on the topic of bestiality...I'm not going to repeat everything they were saying, but not only was it an inappropriate conversation, but it put down women as well.

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IM convo from hell

Well, last time I blogged I mentioned that I'd talked to my gf and that I felt better about everything. Later that day my girlfriend's (ex?)best friend IM'ed me... the following is the coversation that we had.

FRIEND: hey chick
ME: hey
FRIEND: what are you up to
ME: just doing some random stuff before bed
FRIEND: i got a ?
ME: yeah?
FRIEND: are you and alice still together
ME: yeah...why?

FRIEND: hmm....cuz from what ive been told you two haven't been together for like a month or more now....and if you are together....i feel there are some things i need to tell you

dazed and confused's picture

Greetings from Fremantle

Hey all... I made it to Australia! I've been here since the 2nd of August, and this last week we started classes. I think this semester's gonna be tough, but I'm determined to do well. I'm living in Fremantle, a little town of about 25,000 people next to the big city of Perth, which has a population of over a million.

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No longer looking through rose-colored glasses

*sigh* For anyone following my recent issues, I STILL have not heard from my girlfriend. It's been 2 weeks and a day. I must admit that I have only tried calling her a few times, but every time she hasn't been there. The reason I don't try more is that she's always at someone else's house and I don't want to bother the people who live there because the wife works really wierd hours.

Anyways, I have a gut feeling that it's over between us. I don't want to say anything for sure until I talk with her. But the only reasons I can think of for her not calling me are either that she's in jail or she's cheated on me with someone else and feels too guilty to call me. To be honest, I think choice #1 is more likely. Either way, I don't think I can deal with that. I just can't date someone who I have to worry about landing themselves in jail on a frequent basis. Also, more and more of the things that I thought I could overlook or that I figured would change, no longer look like things I can overlook or change. We just aren't that compatible, life-style wise. I mean, I have a great time when I'm with her...but I just don't really see myself living with her for the rest of my life.

dazed and confused's picture

Consequences of Silence

I'm feeling so hurt right now.
Who knew silence was so deafening?
Whether it's on purpose or not,
it still hurts.

At first, there were reasons.
Crises with friends,
faulty cell-phones,
even being arrested...
but now I just don't know.

I'm hanging in limbo,
paralyzed by the absence
of your presence in my life.
I want to be mad,
I want to cry,
but your silence won't even
grant me that much.

dazed and confused's picture

The beginning of the end?

I'm so about to lose it. To sum up a long story, I've been dating a girl long-distance since January...things were going splendidly until this summer. I visited her in May, but after that our communication has become less and less frequent due to her schedule and my being away from home. Anyways, she's not very happy that I'm going to be spending next semester in australia, but we've talked about it and have decided it's something we can get through. My time in australia is quickly approaching, and I'm thinking her lack of communication might be her way of distancing herself...but it's getting to the point where I just don't know what to do. I haven't heard a peep from her in a week. She knows where I am (and I'm here almost every evening from 5pm on) and I've sent her emails and called her house (which she stays at very rarely). I called the place where she hangs out most the time but she wasn't there yesterday. I'm going to try again tomorrow and ask them where she is if she's not there...but I just don't know what to do. I quickly feel our relationship unravelling in my hands and I'm feeling so lost. *sigh*

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It's been months in the making--
golden, sparkly, perfectly pressed together.
We've molded it, shaped it.
From the moat to the spires on top
it looked perfect.
I can recall the first time the tide tickled my toes
as we knelt there.
I ignored it.
We kept proudly building.
Who wouldn't be proud?
It is quite a thing of beauty we have made.
Strong, solid, flexible--
always beautiful.

dazed and confused's picture

blowing bubbles

I would just like to say that one of the most relaxing things to do ever is to stand barefoot in the grass on a summer day and blow bubbles. Even in the midst of a crowd of people it creates a separate little world where you can just be you and ignore everyone.

If you haven't tried it recently, I would highly reccommend it.


dazed and confused's picture

tired of coming out all over again

Is it really so bad to just not tell someone about your sexuality? I mean...is it really necessary to enlighten the whole world? To be honest I think that in some situations it's appropriate to just not say anything.


Sorry, this all springs from my current frustration. I'm staying with a family right now while doing a service project, and the youngest son in the family is extremely conservative. (Can we say poster child for the republicans...) He was making comments tonight about how the amendment should be passed and whatnot, and my stomach just tied up in knots. I hate this! I hate have to come out all over again in almost every new environment I find myself. It just is so draining. Some people would say that it's my responsibility to always come out and raise awareness and everything, but I really do just get tired of it! I just want to be normal and go about my business and not be an activist every moment of every day.

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Embarassing moment with mom...

Woohoo...so I had my first embarassing moment with my mom revolving around my current relationship...

My mom and I were cleaning out my window sill and spraying it for bugs, cause it's down in the basement and the spiders seem to love camping out there. Well, we had to pull the bed away from the wall so that we wouldn't get icky spray all over my sheets. In the process of pulling the bed away I was picking up the various items that had been camping out down there on the floor for who knows how long. One of the items I found was a bra...one that wasn't mine. My first thought was that it must be my mom's, and that it had gotten mixed up with my clothes. (Looking back I see how silly this thought is since I haven't really lived at home in over a year, and I do my own laundry.) Well anyways I held it up and stated that it wasn't mine and asked if it was my mom's. She said no and asked if it might be Alice's (My girlfriend). Right as she was saying that I realized why it looked famliar...it was indeed Alice's, and it must have ended up between the bed and the wall during one of the nights over spring break. I was soooo embarrassed because my mom and I have never actually discussed my relationship and here was my girlfriend's bra right in between us, evidence that her little girl is not so little anymore, lol. I don't know if I was blushing, but I just shoved the bra in a box of clothes that were next to the bed. Luckily she hasn't mentioned it since. I am very thankful that my mom isn't the type who wants to know about my sex life, especially since she's still not really comfortable with the fact that it's with a woman.

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The Gay Marriage Debate: Tangled Up In Words

"Equal rights," "civil rights" and "special rights" are all terms frequently thrown around in the current debate over the legalization of gay marriage. While "equal" and "civil rights" are generally associated with the liberal, pro-gay marriage groups, and "special rights" with the more traditional, conservative and religious anti-gay marriage groups, both sides of the debate use all of the terms. What complicates matters and leads to very little progress being made is the fact that the two sides, although they use the same terms, have different meanings behind the language.

dazed and confused's picture

advice needed

Issue #1:

aaargh... ok, so I know it's been forever since I last blogged...I'm one of those people that tends to blog only when I have a crisis or rant or something of that nature. Things have been going splendidly...My girlfriend came to my house for spring break and then I just got done with a week and half visit to see her after I got our of school for the summer. (Boy was that a loooong trip, I took greyhound from Colorado to Louisiana.) This last trip was wonderful and I had such a good time with her.

dazed and confused's picture

Best spring break ever!!

Woohoo!!! Okay, the last time I blogged, I think I mentioned that I managed to meet someone online. Well folks, she's spending spring break with me at home. :: huge grin:: She's gonna take the bus up from Louisiana to Colorado (a day and a half ride) and spend 6 days with me. I am soooooo incredibly excited about this. We already consider ourselves to be in a relationship, but this will make it so much more real. Originally we were thinking of having her come up to school for a week after I got back from break, but she realized she had enough money to visit me over break. This will work so much better; no classes or work, roommate or dorm issues to deal with. It is going to be a very very good week... ;) Let me put it this way, there will be lots of lovin' going on. lol.

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Life, or something like it

Don't ask where the title came from, that phrase was just stuck in my head for some reason.

Wow, so much to say tonight. I don't know if anyone actually follows my blogs, but here goes...

I'm going to AUSTRALIA next semester!! YAY!!! I'm sooo excited about it. I'll be in Fremantle from August through December.

Things with my Girlfriend are amazing. I'm so falling in love and it both thrills me and scares me to death at the same time. I read a quote that when you truly fall in love you begin to see yourself through your lover's eyes, and in a way, fall in love with yourself all over again. Alice makes me feel beautiful and wonderful in a way that no one ever has before. I can only hope that I make her feel the same way. It looks like she'll be up here the week or two after my spring break, so mid to late March...I soooo can't wait.

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