Well, things have improved slightly since my last entry: I have an interview tonight for a job (keep your fingers crossed), my best friend will be back tomorrow, and my sister will be back on Saturday. So things were looking pretty good as of this morning...and then I had to check the mail. Of all things, I get a Jury Summons!!! Why me? It's for the middle of next month. *sigh* I really would rather not do this, but I know it's just something I have to do.
I haven't blogged in awhile...not quite sure why, probably because I've been busy readjusting to life at home, and I really haven't had any gay-inspired angst recently.
Anyways, I'm blogging today because my summer vacation really sucks right now.
Hmm. That was odd...Sometimes I swear computers have minds of their own. When I first started typing this blog, the browswer suddenly closed. I didn't tell it to...honest.
Anyways, as I was trying to say before the browser so rudely interrupted, today has been a wonderful day. The weather's magnificent; I got to spend some time out in the sun on the golf course, for my PE class. As a result, I have pink shoulders, but it was worth it.
Sometimes I just feel so dumb. I need to come out to the rest of my friends before the end of the school year...which is in 12 days. It would be very simple just to tell them, but I can't seem to make myself. For those who don't know, I want to tell them all because I'm going to be on a very visible Committee next year for Lesbian and Gay students, and I'd rather them find out from me than from someone or something else. Perhaps I shall start with Kat...my future quad mate. I think she might already suspect anyways... *sigh* If only I weren't such a wimp, lol. :P
ok, I need to get this out on a blog, otherwise I'm going to be too distracted to do any homework, and I can't afford for that to happen again today. Yesterday I spent a good part of the day with some girls I know, doing a community service project. Two of the girls have been dating for like, 2 years. They're really a cute couple and are wonderful together. However, watching them all day made me even more aware of what I don't have, and what I so badly want. I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but I really feel like I'm someone who's meant to be in a meaningful relationship with someone. I've never had that though, and I feel like I'm never going to find the right person for me. I'm so out of the loop when it comes to dating and the social scene that I feel pathetic. I just see all these couple around campus, and I feel like I'm missing out on something so wonderful...
The Standing Committee runs this program here that trains RAs and Rectors (and anyone else who's interested) about Gay and Lesbian issues. After going through the program, the people get this card to put outside their door letting others know that it's a safe place if they need to talk to someone about their sexuality. I went to one of these sessions today simply to observe because the person in charge of the events wanted me to see how they are run, since I'm going to be doing them next school year. Well, the girl who was supposed to talk to them about her personal experiences as a lesbian here at ND didn't show up...so another girl (who was there for the same reason as me) and I ended up being the speakers.
We had a formal dance for my dorm last Friday. I went with a group of friends, and it was tons of fun. The thing is, is I couldn't keep my eyes off of my RA! She was just soooooo good looking in her dress.
I'm SOOOOOOOOOO excited!! :) I found out tonight that I've been chosen to be on next year's Standing Committee for Gay and Lesbian Student Needs!!!
*sigh* I thought I had it all worked out so that I would be rooming with Erin next year (the girl I've been crushing on all year, but that I'm trying to get over). But, It's not meant to be...
I had to read an article about gender for my Sociology discussion class tomorrow, and boy, I'm gonna have fun picking it apart in class.
I made it back to school after a 2 hour plane ride and a 3 hour bus trip...all in all the transportation this time around went quite nicely :)
Despite the wonderful-ness of spring break, I'm glad to be back at school. I'm a bit exhausted.
Well, I did it, I came out to my mom...in the car, of all places. We'd been working on wallpapering the diningroom, but took a break to go get some milk from the store. We got in the car and she mentioned that I wanted to talk about something. After a few mumbling false starts, I managed to spit out the pre-thought out "speech" I'd come up with the day before.
Right now, anticipation is both a blessing and a curse. I left a note this morning on my mom's purse, telling her that I needed to talk to her sometime today, like after dinner or after my little sister goes to bed. She hasn't mentioned the note the few times we've spoken on the phone today, I'm assuming she's going to wait until we can actually have our talk.
Well, I just had a lovely evening with a friend from high school. She's someone who I've always gotten along with, and whom I went to prom with (as friends, with 2 other girls). I wouldn't be suprised if she were gay; I've NEVER known her to date guys (well...anyone for that matter). Prior to tonight's "date", I was excited, and wondered if there might be a possiblity of something between us. (forget the fact that she doesn't know about me, and I have no clue about her). Let's just say there there's definitely nothing happening between us. It was totally just my wishful thinking and desire for a girlfriend warping my memories of my relationship with this friend. *sigh* oh well...
Aarrgh... Here's the deal. I came home last Friday for spring break. I'll be leaving next Sunday. There's a very good chance that I'll be on the Standing Committee for Gay and Lesbian Student Needs next school year. If this happens, I'll be out to everyone at school. I want to be able to share with my mom the news I get over whether or not I get accepted for the committee, but to do that, I obviously have to come out to her. This isn't something that I want to keep having to hide. Before coming home, I decided that I was definitely going to come out to my mom while home.