Pondering...Its the only safe thing I can do, that won't hurt people...My words and thoughts always seem to hurt someone....
You know I thought that all the middle school drama that I went through last year (when I was a junior in High School, go figure) was over. Apparently I was wrong.
There was an incident when someone said something they shouldnt have and had no right telling people. And we got into a fight. Which triggered atleast two seperate fights entirely with two other people. It turned into a huge mess and hurt me alot. It was drama that was not needed and could have been avoided entirely, but manage to happen anyway.
Not really, havent had much time for fun these days.
But, I will blog anyway as I havent in a long time. Sorry bout that. My time has been very limited and restricted lately.
I have changed immensely over this summer. Its incredibly weird, but I think it has something to do with the little amount of time I have had to hang out with people. There hasnt been much chance for other people to alter my opinions and my views. So in a sense I have become more of my own person I guess. I havent quite decided whether or not its a good thing. Its kind of like the old Lisa has faded into a dull gray and the edges are all blurred.
Yup. That describes it perfectly. Unfortunately.
Lynn isnt here, Lynn hasnt called all day, in fact no one knows where Lynn is. Nuff said? You'd think so but you see, I am much more complicated than that. Fun fun fun. Well now I have no idea what to do. Do I comfort my mother? Do I lapse back into the friend/daughter role? Or do I stand my ground as daughter and thats all? Not risk my emotions all over again? Do I lapse just to be thrown back??????
I feel, not exactly neglected. Definitely hurt. Most definitely. She hasnt "really" seen her in a month but she has not seen nor actually talked to me in three weeks! She asks me to hang out but when I try to figure out a time, she doesnt give me a straight answer. I try to find a time to call her but shes busy. Am I not trying hard enough??? What the hell is going on? I mean whats the point of asking me to hang out if she cant find the time for me???? I want to hang out with her, I want to be with her, but in order to do that I need her to have atleast some time.
Okay, so I have to blog today because I may not blog for a long time after that. I am not sure if its for an understandable reason, all I know is I have a reason.
After sunday, Lynn will be living with us full time, except when working and what not. Now, I am not entirely sure how to handle this. I dont know yet if its a good move or if it will render my life a further living hell. I have yet to decide. And I suppose I wont know until I have some experience with her around to use as a deciding factor. But what I do know is that while she is here for the first month or so, I will be making myself scarce in order to "feel" out the situation. Get to know what to expect, what I can handle and what I can not. Hence the reason I may not be blogging too often anymore. No computer in my room.
Someone talk me out of it! Agh!!! That is like the third time I repierced my ears. You see, I have three piercings in each ear and I tend to take the earrings out of my third piercings and then forget to put them back in. So next time, somebody talk me out of it! Tell me not to take my earrings out and tell me that repiercing my ears is a baaaaaaad idea! Yah, needless to say there was blood, and slight burning from rubbing alcohol. ::nods::
Her name is Lily. I couldn't just leave her in the pet store. She kept following me when I walked around her little plexi glass cage! So I bought her and brought her to my dad's house. So I don't really get to see her that often, but my dad wanted a rabbit anyway and this was just an excuse for him to have one.
I also bought a whole bunch of faery stuff. Two new post cards, a sticker, and a shirt. All Amy Brown faeries. Kick ass! Oh and a pen, which was just an after thought. Yah. I love shopping.
of this blog is to Heather: I am sorry about earlier, my sister and her bf kicked me off so they could burn a billion cds and they messed up the computer doing it. I would call you but my mom bought a new phone and it royally fucked up multiple things...I am sorry hun.
Alright so in a past blog I mentioned this nice little boulder under some trees at my dad's house. Well I sat there for a while last night. I just sat there among the bugs and thought. And thought and thought...You get the picture.
I haven't talked to Heather in a while cuz she had to leave almost as soon as we started talking...That was kinda saddening.
Then! OMG!!!! This one threw me for a spin: someone has a crush on me! Granted she has a crush on a lot of people, from what I have been told, but I still felt special. And no one ever has crushes on me! Ever!!! Wow...It was weird. She kinda told a whole chat room about it last night and I was in it. I was baffled. It was kinda random.
Not having a particularly good day......
I have no idea what is going through Chris's head right now. Hes like completely clingy and I don't understand why! Its like if I am around him, he thinks he has automatic right to touch me and do whatever the hell he wants. Apparently I missed that memo!!!!
WARNING: This blog is long!!!!
Heather came with me and my mum and Lynn to the fireworks in Fitchburg last night. We go almost every year cept for like the last two because it was too hot to go. But we went this year. Four people, four chairs, one neat sheet, one cooler, one blanket, and a back pack later and we were there.
Twas fun. Atleast I thought it was. We had a card fight. That was hilarious. Then there was the man sitting behind us who had flashy lights clipped onto his nipples. That was even more funny. Rather disturbing as well. Lynn got a good pic of Heather, although I don't think she knows about it, and she has footage of the fireworks on her digital camera. You can see and hear them. Its mad cool.
One thing that gives us a point: HEATHER AND I UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER COMMENTS EVEN IF WE OURSELVES WHO WRITE THEM DON'T GET THEM!!!!! ::grins:: What do you people think????
I don't know what to think about me and Heather. I am thinking its not entirely that serious because I haven't talked to her since last saturday. I am fully unsure also because some of her actions send mixed signals to me. Maybe I am just an idiot...
In other news: Uh, I'm lonely. Lol. My ex wants to hang out tomorrow night. I don't know what to think about that one. Cause he seems to want to get back together. I don't know how to handle that. Since I don't know whats going on with Heather, I don't know what to say to Chris. AAAAHHHH. My head hurts.