on CRACK!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, I don't understand them. My sister and mother are in a fight. Its funny if you ask me, only cause I am not a part of it. But uh yah. They argue like crazy. My mom will say something and my sister's response is "Because. Now leave me alone.". Damn its hilarious. Last night I walked into the bathroom and she followed and when my mom asked where she was she yelled, "I AM HANGING OUT WITH MY SISTER, IN THE BATHROOM!!!!". That sounds really bad, lol.
I said I was going to run away from Oasis, but I had to come back. I was having an off day yesterday...yah......
So uh I may date this girl...::grins::...but its not definite because we havent talked enough yet to determine what we are going to do. But whatever....Even though I like someone else, I dont think that that someone else likes me....as sad as that makes me.....La la la al al al. I hunted down my creative writing class notebook, and wow at one point I could actually write.
I think I am going to run away from Oasis for awhile, before I screw everything up that I wouldnt want to. I enjoy writing and getting my feelings out there but I think I need a break. Sometimes its hard to explain the things our hearts do. Sometimes we curse their actions. Sometimes we down right hate what the results are. But sometimes its those exact actions that benefit us the most. I think this may possibly be one of those times.
So I talked to Tricia this morning....Chris turned everything she said into some big thing....surprise surprise......and she told him saturday night that they were just friends...he hugged me this morning and coulda bruised ribs! He has the most violent hugs sometimes....Heard a song last night and it made me think of Lena and made me think I fucked everything up with her....but possibly it was just a guilt pang...I honestly dont know where anything in my life is headed but for the time being I am just going to let whatever happens happen.
So um I hung out with Lena for a few hours this afternoon....yah that was interesting. I dont think anyone has made anymore passes at me in one day than she did. I dont want to screw things up with her, but I feel comfortable around her. Yet I dont think its really more than a really REALLY good friend. But maybe it could be more. I am just so confused right now. Sitting in the passenger seat next to her, listening to music, her hand on my hand, I dunno it felt so right but at the same time wrong. Almost like I was cheating on another person who wasnt there. I want so badly for someone to be close to, but somehow I get the impression that its not Lena. My heart is screaming "GOOD FRIEND REALLY GOOD FRIEND" when normally it would be "OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS PERSON".
I havent written in a while but I have been around. I just couldnt write. Its been like three days since I entered this miserable stage and have yet to leave. Joy. I cant write when I am unhappy. It makes me think that all the sadness will invade my writing and it destroy my creativeness. Maybe I am just on crack and I dont know it yet...Still trying to recover from Friday. Saw him, he looked me right in the eye and smirked.
GUILT TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do believe Chris hates me now, but I think I have the right to be angry. I mean I did call him a "fucking asshole" but that was after he shoved me out of the way and it was around four people. He yelled "Lisa your a bitch" down a whole hall of people!! But now I feel guilty and I am wicked upset. I hope he doesnt do anything stupid. Grumble.
Other than that....things are going all right. Cept my mother and her gf are trying to set me up with people!!! They do not need to be in any part of my love life what so ever! Especially if it involves the gf's niece. I mean they are getting married! That would be some form of incest or something! And what if we did get into a relationship? Then they would get married and somehow we would be related ::shudders:: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hehehehehehe. I dont usually say grumble when I am not in a bad mood but it seemed appropriate for the time being. Yup yup. So uh yah, one of my friends who shall remain nameless, a friend of the Allie Monster, says she likes me. Dunno if I believe that one. Dunno if I would want it to be true. I dont know what I want to be completely honest. I am lost at this point in time. It seems to be a permanent state these days.
My mind is filled
filled with thoughts of you
my heart is filled
filled with animosity towards you
my eyes are blurred
blurred with visions of the present and future
my love will last
last for those who need it
I will move on
move on as soon as I let you go
For I will
I will push you out of my mind and heart
it will take time
time that I hope will be up soon.
Written for the one and only Allie monster and the future that I hope to be bright and happy.
::runs away to cry and be sad and lonely somewhere else:: sorry not feeling so happy right now. but i had to do something or i know i would have gone to find scissors....
Had to watch a movie about labor camps in History today. I didnt exactly want to. Not because I dont find that subject important just because I do find it important, so important that I could cry everytime I watch movies like that. The subject is important to me and the fact that everyone else in my history class dont look at it that way and see it as an oppurtunity to catch up on sleep, makes me even more sad and very angry. Plus when I watch movies on labor camps I am in a horrific mood afterwards and its all I can think about. Maybe its because I care too much or maybe its because I am just screwed up like that. Either way, it affects me a lot and I needed to get that out of my system.
I am sorry that I am bothering you all again...but I was sitting here looking at the little bulletin board my mum has and theres a post card there that I have to describe. It has a picture of a highway with three signs. The far left lane has a sign that says "Gay" the far right has one that says "Bi" and the middle has a sign that says "Straight" with a mini sign underneath that reads "Be Honest" I thought I would share that cause I think its cute.
So yah ::dances around happily:: Had a bad day but its okay (I just rhymed!)cause someone responded to my last blog and that comment made me happy...but sad. ::grumbles:: Nothing can work out right when it involves me. La la la al al al. I have a crush on a person, and I know I shouldn't cause its not gonna work atleast not right now, but I do. ::sigh:: Stupid blonde me. I really hope though that her friend doesn't hate me.
Grumble. I am having a rough time. Ex showed up, that was bad ::shakes violently:: Very Very bad. So I am writing. These writings are what keep me going as long as I can. That and the people who actually do care about me. Then of course I have Lena. Lena whom is 19 and wants me to be with her. Lena who wants me to stay at her apartment tonight. Lena who I long to love the way she wants me to, but whom I can't.
Did I get your attention? Hehehehe. Well good, thats what I meant to do. So I got three voicemails from my ex, and an email. Fun fun fun. She doesn't want to let go. ::frowns:: I would like to move on. Yah, the world hates me more often than not. I think my chemistry teacher is possessed by the devil AND his family. Heres part of the conversation:
Some girl in class: Mr. Virzi, do you want this? (holds up worksheet)