I should explore my social isolation further and see what other insights it may reep. I'm thinking of one week. I'll go to my club meetings and interact as normal there as well as participate in class but I will do little more.
Over the last few years, I've been trying to assert my identity and I've run into some problems as a gay black male. I don't seem to exist. At least not in the sense of having a visible and accessible community to fall back on. During the entirety of my coming out and my identity development process I've understood this to en extend but still tried to explore the communities open to me. At the time that I was coming out this meant exploring gayness and getting a feeling for gay culture. I failed at joining some type of larger gay community in high school or finding a group with any strong gay identity (except for this one youth center) and I had no idea how to incorporate my gayness and blackness.
Oh the afternoon. The sun is out and if I were outside I might hear birds and see squirrels. Mother nature is dangling the sensations of spring in my face, the sick motherfucker!
Hi this week I've decided to see what it's like with my free time intact. I've had time to cool off since my last entry and I don't quite know what my feelings are about being at this school or if the unhappiness I feel will foow me elsewhere. But in the mean time, I'm going to class and doing my thing as best I can.
Also, I uploaded a picture that I took a while ago. It's one of my favorites
I'm furious now. For the first time I really feel like I hate this place. I feel thae hate that I've had for every other school I've been to running through my vains. I hate the lonliness and I hate the people behind it and tommorow, I'm gonna hate not having a job.
Forty minute ago I found out that the shift schedualing for my camous job happened today. I was gone all day at a workshop and though I knew it was comming up, since the last two shift meeting were on sundays and I hadn't gotten an email about it, I'd be okay. I wasn't there isn't a single shift left that I can take. In other words, I'm fucked.
I'm at work...
I'm supposed to be doing my reading...
I need to write a poem...
That will kick ass...
"All told, more than 3,000 suspected terrorists have been arrested in many countries. And many others have met a different fate. Let's put it this way: They are no longer a problem to the United States and our friends and allies..."
"...The liberty we prize is not America's gift to the world, it is God's gift to humanity." -George W Bush, State of the Union
It's been really weird spending time without being able to write here. It's like this strady thing in my life has been taken away and now it's just so weird coming back. I hope to write more later but its jsut nice to be writing something.