ilovepwin's picture

wow... i really dont wanna come out

as the title states "wow, i dont wanna come out". coming out was something that i used to stress a lot about, but it seems i havent thought about it for a while. i guess ive had other stuff on my mind. well i was thinking bout it again tonight wheile i was talking my girlfriend. it made me come to realise that, shit, i dont wanna come out. i dont want anyone, except for close friends, and especially not my family to ever find out about my sexuality. i mean, is that such a bad thing? is it possible to hide forever if it means you wont be hurting others and if it means other people will be happy? i mean thats not selfish, thats selfless right?

ilovepwin's picture

hmm.. so yeh... kinda bullshitty

hmm... so thanks everyone for ur comments.. it was good... i cant stay on for too long coz im just waiting for my girlfriend to get home s we can talk.
does anyone ever feel as though so much has happened but nothing has changed>? that may sound a bit confusing but i was just thinking bout that b4.
hmm. well this is kinda all a bit of bullshit atm. i guess this will take some getting used to; like writing here again and stuff.

ilovepwin's picture

so yeh, this is how it seems....

its funny the way things change so quickly. u start off doing somethign all the time, like everyday, then u slowly dont do it as often, like only a few times a week, then all of a sudden u dont do it at all and everyone has forgotten u. this is how i feel about writing on here. i pretty much lived here for ages, writing up personal journals as well as puttiong up poetry and stories. but now i just dont write on here.

ilovepwin's picture

craping on....

soo... its been a while...actually... its been a long time... soo much has happened... i woudlnt know where to start.... okies...
yay!!! im 18!! finally... im legal!! i can do everything and anything now!! hehe **snickers** oh and also... guess what... the 15th of septemeber marked mine and my gfs 9 month anniversary!! it feels like only yesterday thatwe started going out... its hard to believe its been so long...but its been amazing...

how often do you log into oasis?

too many times a day to count
17% (4 votes)
every day
54% (13 votes)
a couple of times a week
21% (5 votes)
once a week
8% (2 votes)
rarely
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 24
ilovepwin's picture

im sorry

im sorry for what i wrote last time... i was just having a really shit time... i dont just write for other people and their comments i write for myself to get it all out... but there are times when i just dont want t feel so alone... i dunno... i think maybe i should just go bk to not writing... i dont know... or writing but then not posting it...im not trying to b all 'woe is me' ... i knwo thats how it sounds...

ilovepwin's picture

nothing

finally i get the chnce and the guts to write on here again... it was nothing much but it was something... i spill about hwo alone i feel... how i just want to disappear... and what do i get? nothing... but its ok... y shoudl it b any different here?
not trying to b mean to everyone... im sorry if it seemed like that...

Are you confused about who you are in regards to your sexuality?

yes
15% (8 votes)
no
39% (21 votes)
a little
35% (19 votes)
other (explain)
11% (6 votes)
Total votes: 54
ilovepwin's picture

confusion and blah...

wow! its been exactly a month since i last wrote and i know so many people have said this but i honestly didnt think i would go this long without writing especially seeing as i used to rite everyday if notmore often... lol...
a lot has happened...
yesterday i was nearly outed by my sister... and its still not definate that i havent been... but im really hoping i havent been... i was almost sick from crying so much yesterday... i was sitting in the corner of my room looking at the floor waiting for it to open up and swallow me... just to let me go... but it didnt...

are u "out"

yes
43% (34 votes)
no
24% (19 votes)
other (explain)
34% (27 votes)
Total votes: 80

are you a

morning person
19% (8 votes)
night person
76% (32 votes)
neither (please explain!)
5% (2 votes)
Total votes: 42

how do u label urself?

lesbian
27% (17 votes)
gay
21% (13 votes)
bisexual
21% (13 votes)
transexual
3% (2 votes)
questioning/curious
2% (1 vote)
other
6% (4 votes)
no label
19% (12 votes)
Total votes: 62
ilovepwin's picture

i dont deserve to live

i dont deserve to live right now....im just so fat and ugly....everyone hates me...i do nothing but make things bad for everyone....i cant do anything right...the only reason i have for living is my gf.

this is going to sound really stupid but i need to say it and my gf is still too ill for me to talk to her about it. I was up in my sisters room talking to her about an artwork she is currently making for school. I was sitting on her little metal pedle bin . I had een sitting on it for about 15 minutes when all of a sudden the lid cracked in. its just a little dent but she got mad and she yelled at me and then she old me just get out. i didnt mean to o it an i told her i was sorry....but she wouldnt liten to me....see....how stupid and fat am i....i hate it....i miss my gf so much....i just want to run away someplace where everyhting is good.....where there is nothing bad....

ilovepwin's picture

numb

is it normal to feel numb. no emotion. no thoughts. no anything. i feel numb and i dont know y. i want the nothing to go away. i want my baby back.

if u could be any animal what would u be and why?

butterfly
9% (1 vote)
dolphin
18% (2 votes)
dog
0% (0 votes)
cat
18% (2 votes)
tiger
27% (3 votes)
bird
27% (3 votes)
frog
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 11
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