ilovepwin's picture

stuff it all

i knwo this is a site for posting and talking bout things relaing to seuality and stuff....and this doesnt really have anythign to do with that....but i dont knwo where else i can say anything.....not now that i cant talk to my gf right now....i knwo it sounds really stupid....but i am stressing so much right now about doing my hsc....ive just finished my trials and i did pretty bad in them....and

ilovepwin's picture

alone by myself

i dont even know what im really doing here right now....but i feel so lost.....like i have lost half of me...the better half....lol....my gf isnt doing too well at the moment (sorry baby if u didnt want me to say anything) and i know i probbaly shouldn be talking about it but i am just missing her so much at the mooment and i havent even been able to talk to her on the phone....its the longest i havent spoken to her and i just miss ehr so much....my heart is aching.....its aching so much for er that i feel sick....i love her so much and i just want to see her and know that everythings ok....i feel so lost at school without her....even though we are not out a school (or anywhere really) i still miss just having her there with me....and i hate being alone.....i didnt know anythign besides alone b4 i met my gf.....but then i met her and i felt like i found myself....ad now i feel like im losin myself...i love u so much baby.....and i just want to c u again....to hold u again...to kiss u again....just to bw ith u.....i have to go coz i feel lost and alone here too....i dont know where to go or what to do without u....i feel so alone....alone by myself....if anyone has anything to say that would b great...i dont knwo what...just anything...thank you.

what's your favourite colour?

red
2% (1 vote)
yellow
5% (2 votes)
pink
16% (7 votes)
green
16% (7 votes)
purple
14% (6 votes)
orange
2% (1 vote)
blue
21% (9 votes)
all of them
5% (2 votes)
other (plz specify!)
19% (8 votes)
Total votes: 43
ilovepwin's picture

just the two of us

we are together
just the two of us
no one else
we are hiding away
in a classroom
so that we can
experience
even a 10 second kiss
we sit there
scared of being caught
she leans over
i lean closer
her face moves closer to mine
an mine closer to hers
my eyes close as our lips touch
an explosion
between us
its amazing
beautiful
wonderful
but its only for 10 seconds
we gather up our bags and books

ilovepwin's picture

cut

the sharp blade
as it presses on her skin
she watches her skin concave
up it goes
she place it on her leg again
this time
she cuts
she slices her own leg
with
that scalpal
but no one will listen
'coping mechanism'
'not important'
noooooooo
please listen to me
look at what shes doing
hurting herself like this
she cant stop it
and
YOU....you wont try
no one will

ilovepwin's picture

lies

no one can handle anymore
i will have to hide it all again
i hate it
but
what else can i do?
nothing
i have tried to get her help
but no one cares
they talk to her
she lies
they leave it there
why
why
why cant they see through her
what do i do now
i am so scared but
i dont know what to do

ilovepwin's picture

no one

does she lie in bed at night
silently praying
wishing it all away
like i once did
does she too wish to
never ever wake up
i did
maybe she doesnt
no one will ever know
she thinks no one cares
but i do
i do

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ilovepwin's picture

totally random!

I found these two poems recently in a book that I was reading that I really like so I thought I would post them here. They're both from a book called 'alone by myself' by Melanie Woss. Its really good so you shoudl read it if u have time. but its really heavy going so be prepared.

How can a person be lonely?

How can a person be lonely
when surrounded by friends?
How can a person be lonely

which do you prefer?

polls that are fun and immature
23% (3 votes)
polls relating to issues with sexuality
46% (6 votes)
other (please eaplain)
31% (4 votes)
Total votes: 13
ilovepwin's picture

The end and the beginning. The whole story.

This is the whole story. The first part is what i have previously posted....but the econd and third part are new. I hope u like it.

PART ONE
The heat that rose from our bodies as we sat at either end of the lounge watching a movie caused a beautiful warmth in the room that made it feel so safe in comparison to the cold and windy weather outside. We sat watching the characters on the screen going about their daily business. Then all of a sudden with no warning some thunder erupted furiously outside and in a startled haste I jumped up and moved closer to my friend, wrapping my arms around her for security. We stayed like this, with her in my arms as the film continued.

ilovepwin's picture

plz read this, i need to know what u all think. there may b more later.

The heat that rose from our bodies as we sat at either end of the lounge watching a movie caused a beautiful warmth in the room that made it feel so safe in comparison to the cold and windy weather outside. We sat watching the characters on the screen going about their daily business. Then all of a sudden with no warning some thunder erupted furiously outside and in a startled haste I jumped up and moved closer to my friend, wrapping my arms around her for security.

ilovepwin's picture

does it get easier once u have come out to everyone?

does it get easier once u have come out to everyone?
does the hurting stop?
is it eaier not having to live a lie?
does the ocnfusion stop?
does it ever get any easier. i feel like i am drowning in a whirlpool of confusion and pain. i am in love. it is my happiness. but i am still hurting so much at the same time. hiding for so long causes so much built up pain. what if i just explode? its all to hard.

ilovepwin's picture

kinda random i guess

well...where can i start.....me and my gf had an amazing couple of days....we went out for our 7 mth anniversary and then spent the next day together.....it was wonderful.....spending all that time with the one person who u love to pieces and who feels the same about u....i couldnt think of anythign i would rather do....we were just so happy....we were two 17 year olds in love and spending time together.....wats so wrong about that?? probably no one here would have a problem with it but there are some people out there that have serious issues they need to sort out.....

ilovepwin's picture

wats the point????

does anyone actually read anything here.....i thought this would b somewhere for me to find support amongst ppl who wouldnt judge me....but im starting to doubt whether anyone reads anything i write....wats the point of talking to no one???

ilovepwin's picture

aarrgghh

why does it have to b so fricken.......aaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhh........i dont know.....i hate lying to please ppl.....tmw i am going on a beatiful date with my gf......and i have to lie to my mum about it...like about whats happening....and i hate it.....why cant eeryone just b accepting.....and realise that i am still me....nothing has changed.....i just hate lying and living two lives.....lately

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