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:breathes into paper bag:

it's just a phase. it's a weird little thing that happens sometimes when you've been in a relationship for so long sometimes. and you're only 17.

but she's britt. it'll pass and we'll be good again.

i just wish i could stop thinking about kevin, because i know what a horrible person it makes me. he has a girlfriend. i have a girlfriend. that ship sailed a year ago. why is love so stupid?

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i think i might be falling out of love with my girlfriend.

i don't know how to deal with this.

i know i don't update this thing enough for it to deserve something like this, but i don't know where else i can say it, and it's threatening to explode out of my head.

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the relevency of sexuality in politics

i'm guessing that most people know about john kerry's comment in the third presidential debates regarding mary cheney's sexuality.

so, on one hand, i want to support the idea that a person's sexuality is just one aspect of them, and that one should be judged on other standards.

on the other hand, with the issue of gay marriage, and of homosexuality itself, such a big issue on the national scale, does it not become relevant to know that our vice president has a daughter that is a lesbian? on a personally level, it is incredibly unfair to mary cheney herself; as much as she is out, and i'm going to assume confortable with that, should she really be forced continually into the spotlight because of it, and because her father is a politician? but the fact that she has such a high up position in the bush-cheney campaign, the fact that cheney has such a close and personal tie to the issue, and the fact that (despite cheney's occasional comments on states rights) this is an administration inclined towards limiting gay's rights... doesn't it put the entire thing into a slightly different perspective?

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unexpected support

so craziness. i haven't updated in ages, or really checked up. poor oasis. i intend to write about my weekend at some point, but at the moment, i want to comment on an interesting phenomenon i've found myself in the middle of. (oo, i'm bad, not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition...)

okay, so after being out to the entire school for just about a year now, i'm pretty used to nasty comments and such. last friday, something happened that was so pointless, particualrly in comparison, that i barely took notice of it--but apparently other people did. two guys i didn't even know came over and sat by my girlfriend while we were eating lunch, and proceeded to imitate and mock our rather innocent cuddling. now, there are straight girls, sitting within view, that are sitting on top of each other, smacking each other's asses, ect. but obviously, that is excusable and unimportant. the guys decide they need to "show us how disgusting we are."

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and two more things...

(1) allowing homosexual relationships or even marriage is not going to be the downfall of this country. unless i am much mistaken, ancient greece and rome are regarded as the foundation of western society, and have been greatly admired long past their downfall--even inspiring the government we have today that the u.s. considers so dear--democracy! :cough: homosexuality was exceedingly common in greece and rome. even socially accepted.

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gay marriage... (sigh)

warning: foul language ahead... hopefully it won't distract from the point too much...

i had forgotted for a while just how much this whole gay marriage issue pisses me off. i don't understand, can't understand, i'm trying to understand, what makes people so goddamned convinced that marriage has to be between one man and one woman. fuck the bible, we're talking about poltical rights--like life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. like, seperate is not equal. we're talking about human beings, committed relationships, and the right of everyone to a private life not interfered with by someone else's religion.

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i'm so emo...

actually, i'm so sick of my friends saying that. heh.

i suppose i am tho. how about my complaint for the night: i'm lonely.

wait, no: i have a new complaint! i'm a push-over. (when it comes to britt, at least.)

wait, no, let's just go back to "i'm lonely." come on, just say it, nice and whiny.... beautiful, isn't it?

i mean, really, i have three other people in the house. i'm talking to three other people through ims. i'm at britt's house nearly every other day. and i'm lonely.

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self portrait

self portrait, taken with a pinhole camera

i just love that picture. the only better photograph of me would be one where my face was hidden by a book. heh.

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just a (heh) small update

i went camping with my family last thursday through sunday. for about three hours, on the trail, i was at my best ever. i was more at peace with myself than i've been all year. i was more at home than i feel anywhere else. and i was more in touch with the rest of the world than i've been able to feel in much longer than i should've. hiking is a spiritual thing for me, and as much as i hate the general population, policies, and cities of virginia, the shennendoah valley is my favorite place to worship.

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so i thought, hey, while i'm posting so many things, let's post a poem i actually kind of like...

. . .


the wind
blows our hair into silky tornados,
into teenage medusas,
the wind-blown goddess look,
with the air
past our open windows
and swirling around the shiny, bright-wax candy exterior
of the passing cars.
the radio singer
and wolf-growls

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i skirt your eyes in the hallway...

really not my best poem ever, but it seemed appropriate for the site...

. . .

i skirt your eyes in the hallway
pronouncing my oddness with every slap of my sandals on linoleum
left right
black white
girl girl girl creature
i am proud
you never knew me and i never knew you
but i am proud
i pronounce my oddness
with a sway of my hips
and a distracted twist of my hair

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doo doo doo i never update because i never know what to say...

i started to write an entry, once, and i just remember talking about cherries... now there's a afternoon to remember...

we couldn't go up to brittany's room because her mother is always suspicious when i am over. she has this strange idea that i, of all people, have turned her daughter gay. (she misses the point that one, you can't turn someone gay, and two, her daughter has known that she was bi longer than i have.) but i suppose that is what one can expect of their girlfriend's mother when said girlfriend's mother is a bit closed-minded and already dislikes one.

but the cherries. the cherries were huge, glistening, black-red, perfectly cherry-shaped, cherry-colored, and cherry-scented. exactly what you would want from a cherry; sweet, sweet black cherries with the lightest hint of tang.

sexuality is...

something that a person is born with
41% (13 votes)
something that a person learns
0% (0 votes)
a combination of traits a person is born with and his/her environment
44% (14 votes)
9% (3 votes)
other (???)
6% (2 votes)
Total votes: 32
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so i'm a little *too* attached to my clothing...

looking for a clean shirt today, i found one that i hadn't worn in a few months. light blue, ribbed, look neck, tight, a many-pointed embroidered brown star. i look wonderful in this shirt. unfortunately, it's starting to fall to pieces. the stitching in the hem is coming out. if you look closely, you can spot stains. i've been wearing it for three years, and my clothing rarely makes it through six months.

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title? who needs a title? (i do, i just haven't come up with one yet...)

static electricity courses through phonelines
i feel your pulse in my pulse.
the lines between Her and Me
are lost in things like
point three-zero-zero of a second between our identical responses
and shared sighs,
the way your neck curves into my hand,
and the color of the sky
above our first kiss.
(i want to feel you)
(i want to hear you)
(i want to see you)
(in some place other than myself)
a week is a long time
to go without seeing your right arm.

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