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Random Musingsez

Take a deep breath plunge into lyfe new style of writing this is how i write in my real journal the one i burned i can't believe my mom read it that hurts so bad

I miss jenna i miss joe i wish i could just erase no not erase maybe just undo hlaf my lyfe no one believes i'm truly bi they say i'm just saying i am for the attention from the guys but i already have a man i love why would i need or want another one and i feel so incomplete without jenna

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Swinging on a mood swing and screaming to be let off the damn ride

OK then! I think that sums it up pretty well. I keep flipping from extremely depressed to laidback to hyper and pissed and then back again. Aish. I'm really too keyed up to talk now. I'll try to form a coherent entry later, when Joe is gone. He should be here any minute, I'm looking out the window ....

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Yes I'm back people. I went on vacation to the beach, OIB to be exact. Ot was fun, aside from missing Jenna like hell while I was gone and not being able to talk to her and that was bad but yeah other than that it was OK. I hung out with another friend of mine, I'll call her Liz. Now Liz has a crush on me, she's bi too. I don't like her in that way at all, she's just a cool friend (usually). We were literally living together this past week and we had some serious arguments. A lot of them happened because of this crush thing -- which is complicated so I'll try to explain.

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Another funny little poem i made up

The Rhapsody (A Satire of A Furniture Ad)

The rhapsody bedroom
Smooth, elegant confusion.
Impeccable awkwardness.
Available in a variety of
single or dual-tone
Winter sale at
Maurice Villency.

Thought it was funny. It's kind of what I do in my spare time, making up parodies of ads and such.

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I'm going insane slowly

Oh god. Jenna Jenna Jenna.

Mkay. Let me see if I can get this straight. It’s bothering the hell out of me
and I need some advice. Last night, Jenna asked me if she should sleep with
this guy who happens to be 25, ten years older than her.

Me: “I don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean, it’s not like he’s going to take
care of you or anything later.

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you jenna

Name changed to protect the lovely young woman.

You, Jenna

I watch your slim back as you walk away from me. I know you are crying
and mad at me for what I said. I see your shoulders shaking, getting farther
away from me. A tear falls down my own face and I don’t move to wipe it away.
Jenna, I’m sorry. I love you. I didn’t want to. I had to. Excuses. Can’t
we be friends?
You were my first girlfriend. You were my best girlfriend.

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parental guidance is advised

This is a story/rant/journal entry of sorts. I wrote it not too long ago. Enjoy.

Parental Guidance

I look you up and down from my seat in front of the computer. Your hair
is thin and your face is sagging. You are short and getting stout. You are
flabby with little muscle on you. I almost laugh. You are old. Used up.
But loathing stays my laughter. You look at my story on screen and I get

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Fingernails red as blood

Why is it that you can see everything clearly after it happens?

I can't see what happened yesterday clearly now, but I feel a lot better. I talked to my boyfriend and we had a good time. We went down to the beach n all. Fun stuff I spose.

*sigh* I miss one of my x-girlfriends though. Since there's some ... let's say not quite BAD stuff there ... umm ... maybe it's just that she's moved on and I haven't really ... but anyway ... I'ma make up a name for her ... She looks like a Jenna, so I'll call her Jenna. Ok. I think I might still be in love with Jenna. This is not a good thing. This is why I wish I was completely lesbian or completely straight. Although I guess this happens to straight/lesbian chicks too. Damn it.

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I don't wanna talk about it

Song by Avril. Good song, I like. It's the happiest break-up song I've ever heard. Ironic. It's now one of my fave songs.

I'm gonna do somethin I normally don't do and just talk. I've got another journal thing online, and it took me a long time to actually talk about myself. But I kind of feel like no one is really listening to me and that no one really cares about me, even though I know it isn't true. See I kind of have this anger issue sometimes, where I just get really really pissed off at people for very small reasons and I don't know why. Well it happened today, I got pissed and threw a small table at Greg. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, telling him off and generally going crazy at him. The reason? He wanted me to turn down my radio so he could hear the TV.

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Funny Little Poem

I See The Outside

I see the outside of everything
You don’t see the inside of me
I see the other side of anything
It’s who’s inside me you can’t see.

Hilarious means extremely gay
So I’m halfway hilarious
I’m something you don’t see every day
You only hate me when I make life precarious.

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I've Been Here Before

I managed to screw up my other name thing account ... thing ... yeah ... anyway, 'cause like a dolt I forgot my password and asked for a new one then remembered my password and by then it was too late to try again and so I waited for like two weeks for my password and gave up and tried to get another account thing but since I had Lycos email which didn't want to give me my retarded mail, I just used an old Yahoo email thing and HEY! I'm back! I remember I posted a story, Secrets, and someone liked it and I was very flattered lol. Lilith, that was the other name.

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