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Letters, Heterosexual Sex, New Relationships, and Huge Mistakes. HELP! PLEASE READ THIS!

I got Jens letter today. There was nothing in it that suggested that she had feelings for me. Last night I called Max and we made a date to hang out and he said he'd bring along a dime.

Then I got home, and hopped online. Aylen and David were online and I talked to them both. Aylen told me he had been thinking about me like crazy, and since I had been thinking about him tons too, I was like: I dont think Jens interested the way I think I am, and I dont want to have to make you wait till September. We talked, and although he was sorta uncertain about things going too fast, he asked me out.

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On Notes and Jen, Pt. 2.

Next layer of complicatedness.


Aylen recently added me to his MSN buddy list. A little more than 24 hours ago I had no idea who Aylen was and there was no reason for me to think of him.

It turns out hes 21. Hes got brown hair, green eyes, is 6'2" (I'm 5'3") and he is travelling with a group around Europe. (In Italy currently) He's smart, he knows 4 languages, he snowboards (so do i), he plays soccer (so do i) he sails (so do i), he runs cross country (no). He is cute. I wish i knew how to write HTML code to put up a picture.

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On Notes and Jen, Pt. 1.

So I am sitting here super excited because tommarrow is: MONDAY!

Monday is the day that Jen's letter to me from rehab comes. Yes, Jen is in rehab. For pot and pills. I am really fucking proud of her. But she is having to leave tommarrow because her insurance company is being a twat especially after Jens brother spent overtime in the hospital recovering from a coke-induced car-slam into a tree trunk.

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James Marsters/Spike

You are Spike

"I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

What "Buffy" Character Are You?

Okay, sorry. I manipulated it so that it would come out as Spike because I love Spike and if he showed up at my front door, I would just fuck him.

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A Personality Test I took

 Conscious self Overall self Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

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Loyalty & Conviction

As an American citizen currently residing in boarding school in England, I am allowed access to more information.

Personally I am confronted with the issue of, how far does my loyalty to my country stretch? Since the Constitution has more than one time over been found to be vague, when I say loyal, what am I being loyal to? Each has their own interpretation of the fundementals this country was based upon, but I suppose you understand the feeling I have. It goes past the president. Its sorta this greeny hazeyness that radiates from us. US. We, the people, each have an important role in defining that loyalty I suppose.

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You’ve been what I have been wanting
For so long
And I have finally gotten to know you
To know the
Inside of your mouth
With my tounge
Know the smoothness
Of your back
With my hand
Felt your weight on top of me
Our secret
One dark night
Our night
May I never forget it
And you
If only feelings could be captured
In little glass bottles
And preserved
I love this feeling

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Your feelings toward me are unknown
My feelings toward you are obvious
If only you would speak
Or look at me
Like you did that night
I would throw it all away
My heart flutters
My life was thrown into the wind
I lost the one who loves me the most
For you
When will I be certain about anything
With you
When will I know what you think
And what you feel
About that night

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A Reflection In Response

I read tjm174's post titled "on my own" and this is what i wrote as a comment to her, although i thought it might be good for me to write it in my journal as well.

Theres the dream in my head that one day i will be in college and have an amazing steady girlfriend who I will have an apartment with and live with and wake up next to, but of course at 18 your senior year of HS, when your parents are supplying everything for you, you are scared to contemplate the little things.

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No Motivation for Potatoes and Reflection upon Flamboyancy

I have a 3,500 word essay to write on whether the species of potatoe affects a certain enzyme level in the potatoe. Now, I use "have to" tenitively due to the fact that it was actually me who decided that this was going to be the topic that I was going to write this paper on. Of course, I had submitted about 10 other titles to our Dean of Students and they were rejected because they were all sociology and sexuality. *shrugs* what can one do? Its me, it interests me, why not write a thesis on it?

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I am reading around and i keep coming upon all these journal entries where people are pining over some strange, sexy, temptation whose "too young". Fuck the law. Love shall conquer all. If it was meant to happen, fuck who knows. There are lots of people out there who are married and are like 10 years different in age. Alot of my friends have a crush on our soccer coach whos like 29..and they are 15...16...and I just shake my head and hold up my hands innocently. Fuck, I can never tell if Jakes just playing with them or really believes that he feels for these girls.

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My biggest issue of the moment: Jen requested I shave. Yes. Shave. She ever so sweetly goes: "You owe me a favor." and so i was like: "Oh yeah sure" and she says: "My favor requires a razor and shaving cream".

So I will skip the details I could so easily impose upon you, and instead I will simply say, it is only the second time I have ever shaved in my life.
And the cocky bitch didnt fuck me. She got me stoned again though. I guess thats cool. Shes leaving tommarrow at noon. God I will miss her.

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