The very first scene in the novel I'm semi-re-writing.. I had about a fifth, maybe a quarter, of it written, in chunks that were all over the place. I left it alone for a while, and when I came back to it I didn't like the original storyline. SO, I rewrote the outline, and started re-writing the entire thing. THis is the very first scene, where my two main charries(Meira, the viewpoint 'I' character, and Devi, the unnamed 'punk failure') are introduced.
Note:  brackets mean I'm not sure of the word that goes there, or something like that.
This was written for school; we were given the first sentence and told to write something from it. I wrote this wierd thing.. anyway, I like it.
The boy ducked through the hedge and stepped hesitantly out onto the highway, looking around furtively. He peered out at the hazy night from under the shelter of his arm, which he held above his head to keep the rain out of his eyes, to a degree. Even so, he had to blink almost continously to shake the rivulets of water from running down his face and obstructing his vision.
For once I have nothing to complain about. Sure, I'm tired, but that's 'cause I stayed up too late writing, not because I had insomnia, for once.
So, things have actually been good, happy, content, all that sorta stuff. Tiredness is normal and doesn't count. I've been writing, getting back into my my old stories and rewriting them, posting some short tipbits that I wrote a month or two or a couple weeks ago. I'm really getting into my main project at the moment, currently unnamed, but to make it easy to find I just label it under the two main charries names: Devi(Devaki) and Meira. I think most people here would like it, at least somewhat. They're two questioning lesbians who run across each other and hate each other at first, but then slowly become more willing to try before resorting to hate, and turn into friends, then Devi realises that 'friend' isn't quite how she feels towards Meira.. and so on. I like it, the style, and the way the POV's are arranged and such.
I mentioned a friend in an earlier post of mine, kiki, I believe I called her. Anyway, she's having lots of problems among her friendship group, and.. you know how often there's the 'counsellor' type person in a group? The one who everyone goes to with their problems? Well, she's it, and she's finding it really hard. She rang me up today to tell me about her own problems- with everyone around her falling apart, I don't think they've noticed what a tough time she's having herself. She told me how she broke down on Monday night(it's Wednesday today) and I just came back to the computer to find a message from her saying she's broken down crying again. I was too late, by about half an hour, and she was offline again. I wish I knew how to help...
'Hello', by Evanescence. I had all my songs on random cycle, and I suddenly realised it was playing. I love the song- it's very deep, and makes you think.
Today it made me think about myself for once, instead of confusing thoughts about life and such in general. Lately I've been coming to realise that I don't want to change. I've changed enough- I'm not depressed anymore, I've accepted that I'm queer, and although I don't know where I'm going, I'm okay with that. I'm sure my mood will change again later, but normally that's how I've been viewing things.
A long time ago I had an internet relationship. It was with someone who is now a friend of mine. I'll call him White. I broke that off after... oh, somewhere inbetween 4-6 months after we got together, I think. I'm not totally sure.. maybe it was longer. I can't remember times well.
I've stayed single since then, but I promised that I'd never have another internet relationship, at least not a long distance one, because they're so difficult.
So, to get this started... I go to counselling crap, and one day quite a while ago I was talking to the lady I talk to(duh..) and I was trying to come up with a reason, almost an explanation as to why I am like I am. Or, to be more exact, what I am like. A stereotype, basically. Anyway, I finally managed to decide on Dreamer. She said okay, and then proceeded to tear it to pieces, but that's not the point.
Random title. It's been bugging me all evening. I hate having colds and being sick and such.
Aaaanyway, this is really about Valentines Day. I had a rather great day! School was meh, okay, like usual, but when I got home I talked to Cody(nickname), my sweetie. He's in America and I'm in Australia, so he couldn't hug me for 'real' or give me a bunch of flowers or anything, but he gave me a piccy of flowers, and I gave me a couple piccys also. We talked for about five hours straight, and on a school night with homework that's a loong time, and I mean without hardly any distractions except one other friend talking to me sometimes. We got into some fairly serious chat-cuddling, but I'm not saying anymore on that.
You know what's almost worse than having a friend in trouble? When a friend's friend is in trouble, and because you're not supposed to know, you can't help them.
One of my friends, who goes to a different school than I do, is part of a friendship group. An actual one, unlike me - I just have a couple scattered friends, rather than a group. But my friend(I'll call her Kiki) has about.. oh, I dunno, maybe 8 or 10 people in her friendship group. They've been having problems lately, and she's been telling me, mainly because I've been through stuff like that before, and I've known people who have, also. So she knows I'll understand and try to offer advice. It's difficult, because I'm not really supposed to know, and she can't let it slip that I do know, but I like helping anyway. I'm that kind of person. I like helping people.
Well, the title about sums it up. FIrst week of school, and a very very very weird one at that! We went back, I complained a LOT about getting up early to get there on time, we got our regular stuff like diaries and timetables, etc etc etc, the usual stuff. Only had one subject the first day, which for me was Maths Methods. Not too bad, I already half knew the stuff, so yeah...
Second day I had most of my subjects. History, during which the teacher read two childrens books to us. That didn't exactly give me the best impression. I got rather bored. Multimedia, which started off rather slow but looks like it could actually be an okay subject. Physics, which seems okay. English looks like it's going ot be quite good, actually. I wasn't expecting that. Also, the temperature was 13.2 C. Okay, that doesn't sound too bad but it is IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER! It was the lowest temperature on record for February here. I was frozen.
You know how the past always catches up with you, some way or another? Well while waiting for an email from a friend I started reading through old emails from him. I hadn't looked at them in.. oh.. months, easy. Probably hadn't read through all of them (or most, anyway) for nearly half a year. And god that time made a huge difference.
I was so obsessed with being obsessed, only half a year ago, now I'm careful not to be obsessed, but careful not to be obsessed about -not- being obsessed.. if that makes any sense whatsoever. I was obsessed about a girl, obsessed about being depressed and cutting, obsessed about death. Later on I was obsessed about what other people thought about me, and how I appeared to them. Now - I think - I don't think that's so important anymore. Then I was obsessed with the girls at school knowing I was queer, and I was mad at them all the time.
Why is it that they never seem to work when you want them to? For about half an hour there, I could only access this site and NaNoWriMo. I couldn't even get to Yahoo or Google. Stupid internet... *kicks it*
Yes. I don't really have much to say.
Oh hell. Yahoo still isn't working.
So, it's 2:07am, and I'm not really sure what I'm writing about. Kinda appropriate, since I just replied to Aedyn's post called 'Letting My Mind Wander' which was about random thoughts. It's actually that which made me decide to stop being lazy and write something here that's not whining or complaining or just plain bitching. Which is what most of my recent posts have been like. (BTW Aedyn, if you read this, jsut a note. Reading back this post sounds rather accusing, so I just want to say I’m not talking to you, your post just sparked off this line of thinking in my mind. I’m just saying this spiel to anyone who wants to listen, really. Oh, and this is really long. If you have a short attention span, well.. you get the hint.)
I don't even know if I'm going to send this. I have no idea what I'm going to write, but I hope something semi-intelligent comes out.
So, you know how you can't control emotions and moods? Well, generally I can keep mine in control easily enough, but lately they've been fighting back. Again. I'm frightened that they're going to take over, like they did before, just over a year ago. I thought I was over this.
It's bloody hot here! I'm in the only room without air conditioning in the entire housem where the only computer is kept, so the outside temperature of about 37C(100F?105??) is pouring in through all the windows in this stupid room! *pants*
Well, I haven't been on here, or even on the internet/computer, for about two weeks now. Shock horror!!! Normally my max for staying off is 3-4 days. Heh. Anyway, Christmas was pretty good, New Year was great! We went to the horse races for NYE, and they had fireworks for half an hour up to the countdown. It was amazing, and that's something coming from me, because last time I went there the burning bits rained down on us because the wind was going the wrong way. This NY was the first time I've been since then - that's about 9-10 years. So, I'm proud.