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been a while

well it's been like a month and a half since i've updated on here. since then: me and alex broke up. i lied to the girl that i really like about actually liking her. then i asked her out a few days ago. other stuff's happened to but it'snot as important. so info about each thing...
the day before i left for NY i was getting really pissed off at alex. we got over that like a week after i left. then i started to get this sorta guilty feeling when i thought about her and after like 3 weeks of thinking about it, i realized that i had fallen out of love with her.

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today was just one big disappointment

well last night alex text me and we were talking and about an hour after we started texting back and forth to each other she told me to call her. so i did and we were4 talking for a few minutes. she told me that she might just surprise me and show up on my doorstep and i thought that that would be really sweet. then she aksked "if i could show up at any time tomorrow what time would it be?" and i said about 10 A.M. cause it would be a really nice surprise to get woken up by her. she said that she could try that and i wasn't sure that she would or not because i didn't know what time she was coming in today. she wouldn't tell me, she said it was a surprise. so i was like ok then. i was excited. so then we kept talking and she told me that she didn't feel very well so she was gonna go to sleep. so i was like ok, that's fine. so this morning i woke up because of a phone call at 10. it was her. she couldn't come to my house to wake me up because her parents had taken the car but she thought that she should still call me to wake me up anyways. it turned out that she had gotten home last night because of a mix up with the airline so she had to come home last night instead of today. she was gonna surprise me by knocking on my door at 11 last night but she wasn't feeling good so she went to bed. it was cool though. we talked on the phone for aabout 45 minutes then i thought that i might surprise her by showing up at her house. so i got in the car and my mom had to stop somewhere and that was only supposed to take 5 minutes. 45 minutes later!...i went into where she was and practically dragged her out. so then i was down the street from alex's house and she text me saying "don't come here" and i was like "why?". i couldn't go to her house because her dad had left with her to take her to the doctor's office about 10 minutes before. then i was so fucking angry at my mother because i could've seen her this morning if my mom didn't take so fucking long when she was in that place. so then alex called me and said she was sry but she really had to go to the doctor's. it was cool, i understood, and i want her to get better. so then i ended up spending the rest of the day with my mom and my little brother. both are a pain in my ass. so i wasn't too happy. i was gonna try and see alex for like 15 minutes after she went to the doctor's office but even though she doesn't feel well, her parents are making her help move her sister from ft. myers to lehigh. so yea, i didn't get to see her at all today. i wasn't planning on seeing her till tomorrow but then when she told me that she might surprise me i got my hopes up that i might see her today. i don't know if i'm gonna ride to her house tonight. i was planning on ho-pping on my bike and dragging my ass over to her house at 1 in the morning but i don't know if i'm gonna do that now because i want her to get rest because she doesn't feel good. i don't know, it's not that big of a deal if i don't see her tonight. we're hanging out all day tomorrow anyways so it's cool. well it's only 5:50. maybe i'll be surprised and she'll show up her later tonight. that'd be cool. oh well, no big. ok well i'm gonna go cause i'm starving. catch ya later! peace out

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tomorrow!

yay, she comes home tomorrow! i can't wait!

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i miss her!

she's only been gone for a week and she's coming back on monday but i just miss her so much! i can't call because her phone bill will go through the roof. so every now and then i'll get a text from her saying "i miss you and i love you" and omg...! i just miss her so much! if this is how bad i miss her after a week then it's gonna be torture not seeing her FOR A MONTH!! jeez, i miss her. i just can't wait to see her. and then i only have 2 days to spend with her before i go away for the rest of summer. and if her mother doesn't let me sleep over then i'm gonna ride my bike over there at 3 in the morning just to be with her. ok well to everyone that read this i'm sry that you had to listen to me rave about how i miss my girlfriend and how i love her so much. well i'm gonna go cause my bf nicole said that she's gonna pick me up and we're gonna go see a longest yard. i'll post something else later. Peace

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me and sleeping...don't get along

it's annoying you know? lying in bed for 3 hours tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable so that you can finally fall asleep but it never works! it's really annoying. i don't know. i had nothing better to do right now other then post this because i can't sleep anywayz. but whatever, if i do end up falling asleep i won't be waking up till 1 at least. i feel sry for my mom. she's gonna have to take care of the kids all by herself in the morning. not like she hasn't been for the last few days cause i've been sleeping really late then too. but whatever. ok, well i think i'm gonna go and try to fall asleep again. hopefully i can fall asleep before the sun comes up...

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2000 miles away and he still controls my life!...

all i wanted was to get my nose and/or bellybutton peirced before alex came back from the dominican republic because i wanted to surprise her and my mom had no problem with me getting it done but she had that i had to call and ask my father. the dumb shit that i have for a father says "no, because all the wonmen i see around here that have nose rings are in gangs and i don't want you to get your bellybutton peirced because your mother has that and you'll remind me of your mother if you get it" AAAHHHHHH! son of a bitch! i just want it done already he made me wait a week just so he can say no! i think i'm just gonna get it done anywayz. i tthink my mom would let me because she like the peircings and plus she would do it just to spite my father. my dad knows that i want to go into the FBI when i'm oler so he said to go online and get all this info about the pros and cons of a bellybutton ring. he and i know that you have to get a background in criminal justice and all that and he knows it too because unfortunately he's really smart, skipped a year in unior high and then 2 years in high school. so yeah, he's smart. so is my mom but she's not AS smart. so yea, i have to get all of this info and then tresent it to him like i'm trying to present a theory! he's retarded. he absolutely said no to the nose ring but i might, notice i said might, have a chance with my bellybutton. with my father though, a might isn't that good. ahhh, i can't stand him sometimes. he lives a few thousand miles away and he still controls my life!! ok well i'm gonna go and a ask my mom anywayz. i'll update about something better later. peace.

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wow, i wasn't expecting this...

well at around 9:45 my friend nicole duffy (i just call her duffy) IMs me and asks me if i am mad at her which i'm not. a little background on duffy...she's bi and likes me alot. when i told her that i was in love with alex she said that that was ok but i didn't know just how much she liked me. so i was talking to her and she said that she had something to admit to me. it was that she wasn't really ok with the fact that me and alex are together. it turns out that she likes me alot!! and she was saying how she really likes me and then me telling her that i'm in love with someone else really hurt her. she knows that i like her but i love alex and nothing is ever going to change that. i don't love duffy and i never will. i just don't think of her as someone i can be in love with. i love alex. and i told her tthat i was sorry that i couldn't return the feeling to her. so we kept talking and she doesn't think that she's good enough to deserve someone like me but that alex is. i don't know why she puts herself down like that and i told her not to say stuff like that. then i tried to get her to give me this guy tyler's screenname becasue she really likes him and he likes her but she doesn't know if he will askher out. so i was trying to get his sn so that i try and get him to ask her out. it was very complicated and the whole convo only lasted about 15 minutes because i happened to me on the phone with alex right when duffy told me how she felt. but i kinda feel bad because i made duffy wait a few minutes to finish everything else she had to say because i was talking to alex but i thought that talking to alex was more important because she happens to be in the Dominican Republic at the moment and her fone bill is gonna go through the roof if i call her every night and they're not really supposed to use their cell phones while down there so tonight was the last night that i could talk to her until she comes home on monday. so yea, now that i feel bad for duffy but still very happy because i just talked to alex...i don't now. it's very complicated. i love alex and i feel so sorry for nicole because she put her heart on the line and i couldn't return the same feeling to her. she wishes me the best with alex and everything but she's hurting. wow, i never thought that i would break someone's heart like that. ok well i'm gonna go and call duffy because she said that i could call if i wanted and i kinda do. i really wish that i didn't have to wait until monday to talk to alex but it's ok. i'll see her soon enough.

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this is so retarded...

ok well i was thinking about all of the times that i could have gone dancing this year but ended up not going because of something that happened at my homecoming dance this year. what happened was that i had a terrible time with my gf at the time and i ended up betraying my closest friends just to be with my gf, who i didn't even really like. so whenever i'm invited to go dancing or at a dance i remember that night and then for some reason, i can't dance. i don't know what the hell is wrong with me. i also don't think that i can dance anymore but i do know that i used to be an OK dancer. I'm nothing like Alex when she dances because like i've said, she has this amazing connection with music so she's an amazing dancer. Me, yea well...i don't move like she does. I don't remember how...if that's even possible? i don't know. i just wish that i could just completely forget about homecoming and just be ok with dancing. I already told alex that we were gonna go dancing but i'm afraid she's gonna laugh at me because i'm not as good as she is. I know that if she laughs it will be one of those i love you just the way you are kinda laughs and then she will help me get into it but still. actually, i don't really mind if she laughs at me because sometimes i laugh at her but it's always that i love you just the way you are kinda laugh. lol. but i can dance just fine when i'm alone. it's just in public. but i'm really gonna try to change this. any ideas on how to do that?

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just an update...sry it took so long

wow, the last time i was on here it was november! sry it's been so long but i just really got tired of this thing because back then it seemed like no one was commenting anymore even when people needed advice. it seems to have gotten better but i still won't be posting like i used to. well the last time i posted i wrote that me and my gf had decided just to be friends because we were moving too fast...wow. ok well here's a major update.

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Wow, a lot has happened

Sry, that i haven't written but a lot has been going on. Here's a little recap. Me and Alex had so much fun together in our first week going out. Then i had to go and ruin it by taking things a likttle too far with her when she came over on saturday night. She says that she did it too so it wasn't just my fault. But things were wierd after that. All day on sunday we didn't talk except for that night and we were just so confused. We realized that we barely even know eachother but that we were ok and that it might take some time for us to get over what happened. I saw her on monday and I'm like "are we ok?" and she said yes. She gave me a hug then and I was happy. Tuesday we just got to know eachother a little bit better not much but whenever i had the time to talk to her i would. It was my second day for basketball tryouts and we decided not to watch eachother because it might distract us. But we stayed in the gym while each of us was pracicing anyway, we just didn't look. hehe. We both looked a little. Wednesday was the same thing. I'm just trying to get to know her. That knight i had a bad dream though. I had a dream that she broke up with me for some blonde girl. I told her the next day and i'm like "i know

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a great ending to a crappy day

Ok, well our football team sucked soooo bad. We lost to a team that has only won 1 game. We've won like 4 or 5 in a row and we lose to them. That's bad. Then the band was pretty pissed so we played like shit. I wasn't really paying attention to that stuff though. I felt that the day was taking too long. I had a date with Alex tonight, that's why i wasn't paying attention. I was looking forward to going to waffle house. lol. We stayed there for like 15 minutes. I told her to break my bracelet(it was a red one, i don't know what that means exactly. I told her that it was to make out) and she broke it. I was

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My little happy story

So, today was great. I start it off by flucking my science test, flunking my English test and not doing any of my homework. Yes, this is a good day. I see Alex during 3rd block(yes, alex is the one that i'm dating now. god, she amazes me) and i just keep smiling to myself like i'm mental or something. I think i might just be. But anywayz, so i go to lunch and Alex comes there. She actually sat next to me all throughout lunch. I was just listening to her talk, she's so funny. I was like hypnotized or something. So then we decide to go to the band room and Matt goes too. So we go there and we have like

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:)

Ok, i'm happy. I mean really really happy. I never felt like this with bethany you know, always happy. I think this relationship might actually go somewhere. I pretty happy that bethany's okay with it, at least she says she is. I'm still really happy though. lol. I'm hyper. God, i hope when she reads this she doesn't think i'm so psycho loony(pretty close though. lol). See, i told u i was hyper! lol. Ok, i'm gonna go now before i really put some crazy stuff in here. TTYL.

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she's seriously confusing me

The girl i like has been giving me all these wierd signals. She's confusing me a hell of a lot more than she already has. Sometimes it seems like she's flirting but then she'll pull away when i do it to her. Is it because she's still in the closet? I don't know anymore. I have a feeling that she likes me, but she is seriously confusing me SO much, that i can't even think straight anymore(haha, i know that was really corny buy oh well). OMG, I sent her the corniest e-mail. It's the kind that everyone used to write when they were in like 5th grade. It's one of those "I like you. Do you like me?" kind of

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Yay! I have ANOTHER crush

Great, just what i need, someone else to like. The only difference is that i might just be able to have an actual relationship with her. She's not exactly the prettiest girl(but OMG she looked so fucking hot at homecoming! hehe) but she makes me happy. She's the only girl i know that can be crazy and sane at the same time. Whenever i'm with her she makes me laugh and smile. She gets the spirit stick at school every year, so there's proof that she's zany. God, she's amazing. She obviously knows about me and i'm pretty sure she likes me but i don't know. I don't know if she'd actually go out with me because she happens to be a closet-hugger. Great right? Just what i need, a closet-hugging girlfriend! lol. But i don't know. I think

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