Well, I went yesterday- to a therapist/nurse type person. She already knew what i was coming about, and was all prepared to listen; which makes a change! Anyway, I told her how I felt- and how I though one friend was drifting away because of it- and she as good as said I was just growing up, it's all natural and that there's a goo chance I'd snap out of it. Well, not those exact words- but that exact feeling. I couldn't believe it- she said I was perfectly normal and I might end up gay, bi or straight- but it's probably just an experimentation.
Once there was a man
who had a little too much time on his hands
he never stopped to think that he was getting older.
When his night came to an end
He tried to grasp for his last friend and pretend
That he could wish himself health on a four-leaf clover
He said is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don’t want to dissect everything today
I don’t mean to pick you apart you see
But I can’t help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn’t there already
If only I could hunt the hunter
And all I really want is some patience
So, I did pluck up the courage to go and talk to the school nurse. It started off with me chatting about stress- well chatting intercepted with tears- and then we went somewhere more private. I think the teacher knew what I was going to say, and I eventually got it out- but it was the scariest four words of my life: "I think I'm bisexual. She was really supportive and waited until I'd stopped crying to tell me that it was fine, and I sould never be ashamed or myself. She admitted she couldn't help much, because she didn't want to say anything wrong as she didn't quite understand it- but she is going to get someone to talk to me who does understand. I hope that it'll help get rid of my stress as well, so good luck!
I just don't know if I should, I mean- I'd like some guidance and it might help me if I told the school nurse about my sexuality- but I can never be sure, I mean I don't want my parents knowing just yet. Anyone else been in a similar predicament? Did you tell, or keep quiet? All help VERY welcome, and here's a quick Thanks in case I don't comment back... which I usually do.
I sometimes feels as though...a weird blanket of lethargy and sadness has fallen over me- and I'm no longer a prt of the world. I feel like I'm watching everyone on a TV screen or something, it's hard to explain. I also get these really strong urges to cry- but usually they only last 5-10 minutes. It's the same with the blanket feeling- it never lasts too long, although once I did feel all low for weeks.
1) My tamagotchi- Tara- had a baby. She woke me up at about 10:47 to tell me this, but even so I was happy. Slept a while actually- which is weird for me but I have slept a lot more this holiday.
2) I'm wondering if my ex-boyfriend, who came around yesterday, knows about my being bi. I mean he did see my Alyson Hannigan shrine, which involves a lot of pictures and sparkly tinsel around her. There's a pic of Al in a frame- which may have made him wonder- and then there's all my rainbow stuff either on my person- or on my dresser. At least I didn't have my notebook out- which is covered in pictures of Alyson, Amber Bensons Kiera Knightly and various other lesbian pictures (such as the one from my avatar.) If he'd have READ the book, which I don't think he did but cannot be sure, he would've read my various short stories involving me and my girlfriend Amber.
Friends? Well, in the very appropriate words of Simple Plan- "I think I've got a lot of friends but I don't here from them." See, the thing is- we used to be close. To begin with, we were a four- but when one friend became a lot sluttier, and started putting us down, we drifted apart from her especially when she started hanging with another group of girls who had previously been insulting us,
For a while, we were an even closer three, and, although we felt bad for our ex-best friend, we were OK. After a while, ex-friend stopped being so bad and we became friends, although never as close as before. I was happy with the arrangement, and started to get on really well with all three mates like before.
WHOA! I've never slept that long before! I'm not a sleep person, well not during the night. Normally I can be up very late and not be too tired, but this time I was shattered and I fell asleep watching the Simpsons, and woke up about 14 hours later and there was morning TV. I was still in my clothes from the nigth before and I had action figures scattered around my bed. Weird.
In different news...Merry Crimbo people! Just made a new poll- about your heaven, and it was inspired bu my most recent daydreams of what I would build if I were making my own nirvana. I'd really appreciate it if all you lovely Oasis-erians (is that even a word??) voted and/or commented. I'd love to know your thoughts!
Hell, I always thought I'd belong here- in a g/b/l/t community. It all seemed perfect. I'd had the little awakening and the sudden feeling of 'Man, I'm bisexual and it feels amazing!' I mean, surely to Goddess that isn't something a straight girl would be feeling right?? I've never felt prouder than when I got my rainbow wristband and when I came out to my friends, but none of it changes the fact that at 14 I've had only one boyfriend, who I never kissed. One fling with a friend (male), who I did kiss and NO girlfriends. Ok, so I suppose our homophobic school can accept a tiny part of the blame, but why do I feel like such a pretender? I get different types of crushes on girls than guys. I get really strong feelings for guys, but they never last long wheras for girls I tend to get milder feelings which last for AGES.