God damn it! I am depressed again. I can feel it- I started crying for no
reason. Or, perhaps I am even more worried that I am crying for a reason-
my tattoo. I love it- it is beautiful, but it is freaking me out. I feel
like it is this emotional time bomb. I am so worried that some day I will
hate myself for getting it, that I am already starting to hate myself for
getting it- not because I don't like it, but because I am stressing out so
I have a crow on my ankle!
I love it! It is beautiful- a work of art! It is a little bigger than I
had originally planned- but that is because they couldn't do as much
detail if it was going to be smaller. I decided I'd rather have it a
little bigger and pretty than small and ugly. I am really really happy
with it- it is better than I had imagined it. I am pretty sure I will
always be glad I got it done. I was very afraid that my mom would be
It's early in the morning, and now all my doubts about getting a tattoo are
going through my head. I can't sleep- my heart is racing! AAAH!
I am worried that I won't like it! I am worried that it will hurt too much
to get it done. I am worried that it will cause problems later in life. I
am worried that perhaps I don't actually know enough about crows. I am
worried, I am worried, I am worried. What if I am just doing this as my
uggh. I feel shitty.
I was in a Car Crash today, I have a Cold, I have to take a Calculus test
Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day (I didn't make this up- it really is
talk like a pirate day).
I am not much into bragging, but I am very proud of myself.
I used to be terrified of heights- I have generally overcome that fear
(I did indoor rock climbing for a while). However, this week I have finally
done something that I have wanted to do for a long time. My class went
to a ropes course, and I did several of the high up challenges. I climbed
to the top of a 30 ft poll and balanced on the top, then I jumbed and
I've been chatting with this girl online for a while- actually we've just
been sending messages back and forth on myspace. She is bi, and is
really cute- and really nice. She lives in the same city as me. However, I
have no idea if she would be interested in perhaps dating, or if she would
just want to be buddies. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone had any advice.
I want to let her know I'm interested, without messing things up.
I was just looking around my room, and I thought how funny it is that I
ever thought I was straight. My room just screams lesbian:
*I have 6 pictures of goddesses (most of which are at least semi-naked)
*I have a poster of a Georgia O'Keefe painting (for those of you who don't
know- Georgia O'Keefe paints flowers very close up- and the paintings all
end up looking like female genitalia).
Hey, I just feel like complaining, so don't read this unless you are
quite bored. I warned ya, here it goes:
I am really in need of someone to love. People seem to be hooking up
left and right, and leaving me in the dust. It doesn't help that the girl
I LOVE is straight and has a boyfriend. I have never dated anyone. Hell,
I've never been kissed. Until recently I didn't give a shit about dating.
I corked my emotions, I bottled my tears; last night they sprung a leak.
Sitting in a concert listening to music. Right next to me the girl I love
more than anything in the world makes out with her boyfriend. I started
to fall apart. A tear crept out of my eye, and I wiped it away before
anyone would notice. Another tear, and another. I got up to go and cry
in the bathroom. I come back when I think I have gotten control of my
I changed my username from ninabird to Duct Tape Fairy. I made myself
a duct tape fairy costume. I am very proud of it. Yay.
god. I broke down. I just started crying and crying and crying. Why did this
happen... a girl. I cannot stop myself. I have never felt this strongly
about anyone in my life. Just hanging out with her can both make euphoricly
happy and hellishly sad. Hiding it is worse. I don't want her to know. I
don't want to ruin the best friendship I have ever had.
I am crying right now. I love her so much. She is my everything. I need to
I have been head over heels for a girl for about a year. She is straight...
or she has been straight. However, I had a conversation with her that
just made my life even more complicated. We talked for about an hour.
We were talking about random things, and we were talking about guys and
girls and what we found attractive in them. She said that she might be
bi-curious, but she wasn’t sure. I nearly died. All this time she has said
I am in Italy!!! I'm in a little internet cafe by the sea! It is so beautiful here! I wish all of you were here! I wish I spoke Italian! I love the food! I just had spagetti with fresh mussels! Yum!
Here is a poem I wrote about my friends:
I know where you’re ticklish
You know what makes me smile
We keep shared memories
In our back pockets
To laugh about when we get old
Closer than sisters
More intimate than lovers
We are safety nets
We are comedians
We are friends
In spite of our flaws
Because of our flaws
We love each other