hey everyone! lol it's bulldyke...this was my VERY FIRST ACCOUNT on oasis!! back when Emmette first introduced me to the site, and i was totally paranoid my parents would find out (about the site...they already knew i was gay).
anyway...lol it's kinda fun to go back through here and just read some of my old stuff (and be totally embarrassed by it). lol
have a great day/night y'all!!
hey folks. i'm back. bright, cheerful me. sorry i haven't been on for so long. i've been busy,
and my dad found out about this, and he didn't want me on, but now it's better. wow. i'm doing okay,
still a bit depressed, but other than that, i'm pretty good. not much else to say.
Oh My Goddess!!! i just saw a very hot girl. well, it was actually a few days ago,
but... she looked like she was goth, with waist length blond hair, and this increadalbe
face. OMG!!! i wonder if she ever noticed me...i bet not. i wich i could talk to her...
i plan on making to resolutions this year. i am just fine the way i am! i don't care what anyone else says, i don't need to change. i am finally out to my parents, and i am really proud of being lesbian. i don't want to change. so there.
hope you all have a great new year!
for once, i was really glad to be with my mom. here's the story:
you should know: i'm out to my parents, and they are mostly okay with it.
however, they are a bit uncomftorable talking about it, especially my mom.
well, it's official. i hate life, and aparently, it returns the favor. sigh...
well, i'm dealing with it as best i can, and everyone's being really supportive.
i'll tell you all if i start to think about ending it all. but don't worry, i'm
not quite there yet. :) it's not about being lesbian (i'm totally cool with that),
it's just life in general. sigh... (you know, i don't think that i've ever posted
i'm lost. i can't sleep, and when i do, it's curled up into a tight ball, so
when i wake up, i'm really stiff and sore. the only reason i keep going is because
people need me to. I need me to. i can't give up, but i have to. i can't let
my parents down. i need help. i really want a break, stop the world, i want to
get off. i really want someone to love me (as in a girlfriend) but i can't let
i totally lost it last night. i just broke down and cried. i HATE it when i can't hold it in any more. i feel like i'm falling to pieces... i've kept everything
inside for so long...so i can't talk. i feel rotton. sometimes the only reason
i get up in the morning is because people expect me to...and that feel really
rotten. i'm supposed to be a peer counsiler at school, but i'm the one who
sigh...i'm tired. i'm also pissed at the world for being so unfair. i'm just
sick of it. i hate being so helpless. my friend, half-jokingly says that she
would take drastic measures if Johanna doesn't respond to the notehow she wants
her to. (that was a very awkward sentance) i don't want that to happen, and i
don't like the feeling of not being able to do anything to stop it. i feel so
WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL ALIVE????? (pardon my french) i don't understand the
way the world works. i just don't get it.... i keep thinking that i want to
tell someone that i'm going to kill myself, just so that someone knows that my
life is like shit right now (there's that french again...). i can't live like
this. 1)my mom mentioned to my dad today (not really in passing, we were having
hi folks, i'm still here! sorry i haven't been on for a while, i've been sick.
i feel rotten right now, and it's not just the cold, it's in my heart. i have a
friend who is not very happy right now, at least most of the time.
i really wish she could be happy, and i want her to be happy. but, as susan,
my counsiler, says, i just need to hold their pain, i don't have to be the one
to fix it. 'But i WANT to fix it!' i say, 'i want to make it be better!
i don't get the bible on a couple accounts. if anyone has answers/soluutions to my
questions, feel free to write me.
i want to be someone. i want to be able to talk, and live, and not be afraid.
i want people to understand what it means to me to be lesbian. i want people
to see me for who i really am, and give me a chance. if they still don't like
me, well, then at least i've tried. i really don't understand why i can't be
myself with my parents, or even some of my teachers, and friends. with some
of them, they know, and understand, and it's wonderful to be around them, but i
i just had tea with a really awsome person, the first person i came out to, last
april. she was never one of my teachers (alas) but i really trust her. she
told me that her family totally kicked her out. i didn't get a chance to say
anything to her, but if your out there, ms. salim, i want you to know that
today, and forever, you are my hero. thanks for trusting me.