This is driving me out of my skin with fevered insanity, so one way or another
I have to get this out.
If someone tells me they are disapointed in me, that means 'to me' that they
didn't like something I've done, sayed, or decided. Fine; but not if that
person hasn't made some sort of emotional deposit in to our relationship equal
to the right to be 'disapointed' in me. I mean really, lets be responsible
I want a purple house
With pink pearlescent shutters
I want an amazing boyfriend
That doesn't care when I'm gay
I want a best friend
That doesn't care about my boyfriend
I want my soulmate back
Have the dead yet risen?
I want a box of Lucky charms
With a leprechaun inside.
I want a supervisor
That doesn't care who I am
I want my car
To be like new again
I want a smart lay
For a long time I've believed that the end of our relationship was the
scar that I carry around today. I've believed that it was the reason that I
find trusting others so hard.
But after thinking about it on my way home today, I came to realize a few
new things. Or maybe just one big one...this isn't easy either way.
I loved you because I needed you and because you needed me. We could escape
I miss you and there is really nothing left that can be done about it.
You've made your choice and I wasn't really where I thought I had come,
because you would have discussed it with me if I were.
But now I'm left doing this dance, where one second I'm in and the next I'm
out of your life. I can't do this and I won't any longer. I love you more
than I have ever loved anyone in my life, but that love is now destructive.
My dearest Aros
If I said I love you
Would you know me
If I said I love you
Would you recognize the voice within
If I said I love you
Would you be aware of all I mean
Would you see me for the man within
The tears I shed
The words I weave
The promises I live
Just recognize I mean all I say
Recognize I know how short I fall
But see the distance
The sight of you
Has enticed me to venture
I went to work yesterday. Though it was a standard day to begin with, it
didn't continue that way. A young man, in his late teens, committed suicide
over the weekend in my hometown. I laid eyes on him for the first, and last
time, about 48 hours after he did this. This is the closest anything like
this has ever touched me and I'm left now full of anger. I don't know why
he did this, and chances are good I'll never know. I'm sorry I just don't
The last week has been absolutely insane. I wake up feeling trapped in
my skin, as if I should be able to take it off, but the zippers
broke. I've been constantly making noise and Goddess forbid someone get
me talking, cuz it doesn't stop once I start. My supervisor told me I'm
going to end up one of those old men that shuffle around making odd
uncontrolable noises, that everyone tries to respectfully avoid...LOL I
It's all about Sweaty-Drunken-Monkey-Sex! And I've been wanting to say
that all night! Maybe that's sad...but I was at work and there really
is a time and place...
Monkey in my mind
Tearing up the Turf
How he got here
Where he came from
This is all I want...it's everything
I ate the Lotus or didn't you notice
Let the music carry you away
Sometimes poison is the 'only' medicine
You hope your recognized
I'm lost in the confusion
They're saying don't be frightened
You're looking like an idiot and you don't even care
If you're going to use the words 'Fuck You', do it politely
I count your eyelashes secretly
I found a way, a way to make you smile
It's true, that being our own person is difficult
when it feels as if everyone around us, owns us already.
A person can go for days or weeks, years even, thinking they are
acting of their own accord. But then one thing out
of the ordinary can hurl us off the path we believe ourselves
so firmly traveling.
Maybe the issue isn't the event that threw us, rather our reaction to
it. Or perhaps it was our original thought that we 'knew' where
Are not my own
Yet they affect me
Now that I have your attention...The other night I posted a 'thought' about Porn...Now I've come to another situation that allows for the same line of thinking to apply. No, this has nothing to do with Porn or rape, however it does have to do with distraction and blame...And yes, I'll mention the soccer team again...
Earlier this evening I started moaning to myself about missing Rick. I was reminded of all the great stuff in our relationship that I miss, and I would have given anything at that moment to simply hear his voice again.
I see you and I'm overwhelmed with anger
I don't pretend to understand it
I can't tell you why