I stop by AWS for the next Midsummer Night’s Dream to see if I can spot Amelia anywhere.
I don’t see her on the stage, or anywhere around the audience, but I know she must be here.
A tap on the shoulder and the familiar voice convinces me I’m right.
and...i like sophie again.
forget it all.
feeling of silence
nightmare of a hand
pushing me aside
pulling me away
confrontation with fear
light the candles
one by one
lighting up mantles
reflecting my thoughts
into paintings on the walls
smearing their delight!
into the ironic scene
suddenly it seems so
SEe. I write lots of songs.
and they never become anything...sadly. BUT LOOK.
i wrote one.
well, part of one.
planned out on maps
stalled by a nail
adrift in the ocean
a largish sea
casting off echoes
like old tattered clothes
lost and found
lost and found
hold the key in your hand
im told you were lost
scavenger hunt for the hopeless
we cant afford the cost
im gonna just write the number as the title from now on.
this is gonna be off the top of my head. again.
Monday I find myself skipping French to sit in front of her school on my bike, my foot poised and ready on the pedal, just waiting for some kind of explosion to set it into motion.
And then I see her.
She on the bench just 20 yards from where I am, and the Boyfriend is talking to her. Very urgently...
third part to that story i started a while back...sorry this took so long...if you care.
Two days later and I'm still reeling from that short encounter with Amelia...dark brown hair falling off her shoulder, her amusement at everything, her...i dont know. My head spins and nothing is making sense any more.
I take three deep breaths, close my eyes, and walk forward.
I slam into the wall.
I sigh and fall to the floor of the bathroom. I'm staring at the blue and green shower curtain, which is currently slightly off color and spotty. My vision clears and a headache fills the silence.
I listen to the lines- they seem distant to me- I hear half of what they speak. I’ve read the play before- I memorized half the lines in seventh grade-
‘I will not trust you, I,
Nor longer stay in your curst company.
Your hands than mine, are quicker for a fray,
My legs are longer though, to run away.’
The lines strike me somehow, as if I should go, or leave, but I’m watching the girl- yet again. The arm still loops its way around her, lassoing her to him. It slowly but surely begins its exploration, slowly, slowly- when he is jerked onstage, by some invisible force of a cue.
Something I wrote just now...so...hopefully you will happen to enjoy it- if you think I should continue...let me know.
I’m watching a Midsummer Night’s Dream being performed by my school’s rival school. The odd thing is, I don’t even know why or how I managed to end up here. God, would they kill me if they found out I was here, clapping, and *gasp* enjoying myself! Dear God, they would think- I’m a traitor!
My fingers are staring at the keyboard.
They are tired.
One dreams of days when I got manicures.
It sighs, remembering those dreamy nights.
One wiggles in anticipation.
It wishes to write.
It refuses to move, to participate.
A few groan when I order the backspace be used.
Three jump to the task.
They stumble over one another and the others laugh.
Quietly, though, of course.
I’ve got to fix this uncomfortable tune
Yet being inept at this appealing art
It won’t be any time soon
This inaudible noise is incessant
It’s driving me mad
An incomplete cycle of consent
With the gravel over which
I accidentally stand
And there’s a drizzle overhead
That is proving to be dubious
At the words left unsaid
Unproductive and failing
I laugh at myself nervously
When a figurative figure
Let me start on- I got over Anne.
But its not as hip-hip-hooray as I expected.
Of course, if anything were to come of it, if she would send me a godamned picture of herself (lol) that might help me ease back into a crush...
But...for the moment, i dont like her. (but you know...if she would visit, there is a definate chance that something might happen)
Or maybe I got over her because of this:
I thought up this song today...I only have part of the tune...but let me know what you think, if you happen to read it..its a little long, but i cant change it...
A memory of this- graceful, desperate rain
Its permeating my brain
And eating the last remains of a relic
I long since lost
I open my mouth to taste it
To find its all lies and shit
I havent dealt with in the last couple years
Spent the day at the softball field making up songs with Maura. We got kinda bored- and made some pretty wierd ones...we think we're gonna start a band- ha, isnt that a thought. I WANNA PLAY ACCORDIAN!
That'd be interesting..
I think my favorite song we wrote went like this-
fuck fuck fuck fuck everybody
cuz i dont care for them
fuck fuck fuck fuck everyone
im happy as i am
so please dont talk to me
blah blah blah...i love anne, yay.
im so happy, but this will be hard...with her in california and me in texas.
but if she comes in the summer...well, itll be worth the wait, right?
eh, whatever, ill focus on now.
i need to do homework...shit. I'm drawing cloud formations. GRRRR, I hate them.
This sucks, but I promised I would finish...
I am so bored I'm gonna die.
Thats not true...