Reason. There's always a reason I come crawling back, bingeing on oasis, and now I believe it's time for a thorough analyzation.
Since I started uni, all I've been doing is school, kung fu, a little bit of karate, work, a little bit of badminton and ultimate, back to playing video games (yay!) and maintaining my old high school friends in addition to some new found friends. The first year I did most of my coming out to all of my remaining closest friends who did not know, and since then I've been coming out to all who come across the topic.
I just spent over half an hour looking through pics and debating on whether or not to change my dp. I figured it's been well over four and a half years that I've had this random anime character represent me, a little something different would be nice...
What a fun game! Never have I had to run around so much in my entire life (as my previous sports were badminton and martial arts), sometimes I fell like I just wanna roll over and die. It's a great feeling! ....
It is a game where girls are always chasing me, where ever I go. In addition, I get to chase girls, left, right and all around, and they're completely fine with that. bahaha!! Sports. Gotta love 'em ;)
Ever feel like your life is on a stand still?
I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.
The only progress I feel that I've made in the past five or so years is in school. I graduated high school, went to uni, and secured a spot in a faculty to snag a nifty degree, a degree which I don't even plan on using 100% effectively.
As far as my social life goes, it seems to have come to a halt. I've emerged from the growth stage and into the maturity stage. I'm still profiting, however the level of profit is steadily decreasing. I'm kind of scared.
Oasis, long time no see.
20 yr old gay virgin - hasn't changed, unfortunately. I should really change this user name, "taste the rainbow" to "needstogetlaid(byagirl)asap.hard." bahaha! jks! but really. mlia.
I'm now in my third year of uni. I've stopped martial arts all together and in turn started up ultimate, which is the first team oriented sport I've participated in since gr 12 volleyball. It's amazing, but tiring as hell! I'm in two leagues, the women's league and the co'ed league playing on my brothers team.
Jeepers, haven't made out with her for two years... this was the third time.
But I couldn't help it...
she has a boyfriend, and yet she's/he is so open about her sexuality, I wanna say I envy her. it was ok with him. fuck. I want... so much more... I know I'm worth, so much more.. .
I have a good set of friends, yet why is it that I find there are things that even they cannot help me with? I feel that there is nothing they can do. In telling them, reaching out for that extra hand I only make them feel bad for not being able to help.
Last night me and a few friends went out. We all got drunk, and I of course ended up dancing with some guy. He was cute, however I told myself I wanted to get out of this habit. Round one, I told him I was gay.
Him - Why?
Me - Because I think women are beautiful? I donno, why do you like women so much?
Done done done! Done school for the next four and whatever days it is till the first week of September!! I don't know if I passed accounting... but it's done nevertheless.
Tired much. Done 2 of 5 of my exams and only six more days to go till summer holidays. Tomorrow I have my kung fu testing, I'm going for my green sash. After that, I head straight to school to write my calc exam that I am ill prepared for. Well, I would like to get over 85% on it, but I don't know if I'll be ready to pull that off for tomorrow. After the calc exam, which ends at 8pm, I will proceed to study accounting for maybe an hour or two.
Are scary. As are the leprechauns that are standing outside my window right now...
Going a bit crazy much?!
Four exams are in my way of a shiny four month summer holidays...
Mandarin class is done... I feel weird not learning anymore Chinese... but I think me and my friend are gonna take first year Japanese next year, so that should be fun! Eew, I'm in the middle of exams and I'm already thinking about school next year, what's wrong with me!! AH!! 虽然学中文很难, 但是我喜欢学了中文!! (I think that is correct... most of it is anyways!! haha)
My school burned down. Well, at least one of the buildings did! haha I guess I'm more or less fortunate that it wasn't a building that I have classes in!
But anywho, after a month of pool closure/no work, today I finally returned for my first shift back on. It was wonderful. There was a NSL instructors recert going on, which means if anything bad did happen in the pool, they'd pretty much do my job for me =)
I like to believe that I am an opportunist. I like to take the things life throws at me, and make it work for me.
Up until now this girl has been clogging my mind, slowing me down and preventing me from thinking straight. What I need to do is use her as a motivator, vs allowing her to demotivate me from achieving what should be my prioritized goals.
Yikes, this is actually probably the most I've ever been on this site in such a short period. But alas, I cannot stop thinking of her. I only managed to finish 3/10 pages of my paper. What a waste of my weekend, I stayed in like a good girl to work on this shiz. I think I might be in trouble.
I think things would have been best if I had never gotten to know her all that well. But it's too late now, I know too much and now I want to know more.
More. The desire for more is becoming a rather irritating impulse.
I've been on here more frequently than usual as of late. That'll happen with me though. At times I'll be on here every day, other times I'll submit an entry once or twice a month. But alas, over four years later, I'm still here writing in my journal.
Perhaps the causation of the current dose of oasis is her, the beauty that I will never touch. I don't talk much of my feelings about her to my friends, so I come on here and spill the beans I guess.
My heart jumped a little when I saw her today. I'm not scared, but rather a little nervous for this feeling that is developing. I never liked the idea of falling for a straight girl, but at the same time I feel like I'd be depriving myself by not allowing myself to fall for this girl. She's beautiful, smart, independent, sociable, and the list goes on. It's been a while since I've felt anything serious for someone.