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blast from the past my loves!

Oh my liiiife! its been YEARS since i've posted on here! So much has happened in the last year, its rly insane. the best friend tht i fancied...well..shes been in love with me for the last year...but i've hurt her over and over again, and i got together with this other girl. i think i mentioned her, the one from brighton...not from brighton but we 'got together' in brighton. i was with her for ten months...cheated on her...with the best friend/...but she gave me a second chance...few months later we break, it was mutual then i just broke down and tried to get her back and all tht, but it wasnt happeneing, turns out she was rly into this other girl...and she didnt even love for the last month of our relationship.

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came out to my mum

so i jst told my mum im bi' idnt think telling her im gay was wise, so i stuk with bi' all she sed was 'evryone experiments' then she had a smoke drank tea n watched tv, now shes acting like nothings happened. it's all so screwed, i told her i smoked to, she jst sed u'd of tried it sooner or later, n i was in tears, i jst broke dwn n she didnt even give me a hug to comfort me, n i jst sed 'i've nver felt so alone in my own family' n then she jst wlked away...this weekend has suked ass seriously...im up for giving up.

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Giving in.

Last nite was quite possibly the worst nite of my life. Every friday we go to this place where theres live bands tht play and stuff, but this time my girlfriend and one of my best guy friends got completely drunk. My girlfriend went as far as being paraletic/paraleptic (im not sure sumit like tht) which basicly means she passed out, she was passing out all nite. During the sweatbox she ran off so i went after her, i saw her collapse on the floor and then get up i ran over to her and she fell head first dwn this hill which hit a fence at the bottom, lukily i got there in time n got myself between her n the fence to stop her frm hurting herself to bad, so she got away with sum stings frm stinging nettles, n thts it.

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Acceptance!

So i have this group of friends, and ova the summer we became very very close. to the point of no secrets, theres 5 girls and 1 guy. 3 of the girls r bi/lesbian. 1 of the girls is going out with the guy and the other girl is the straightest they come. Strange huh? anyway me and one of the other girls r inna relationship, we told the other 4 and they were so kool with it the most they said was awwww tht is SO cute! and the best thing is we can make out weneva we want! (aslong as there r no other ppl around, unless their old ppl, we than go out of r way to go all public affection rite infront of them jst to see the looks on their faces..haha gd times) anyways, the only person tht had the slightest problem with me n jade in the group was the other bi girl, for the simple fact tht she had a crush on me, but shes ova it...i think...so acceptance kiks ass! Theuir the best group of friends i've eva had and i nva want to lose them. Even if some of r other friends have an issue with us, jst bcus we;re so close, i reckon their jst jealous...which is fine, they have a reason to be jealous, its not as if they have such a gr8 group of friends! maybe im being a bit harsh but hey wateva if i told them i was gay i can garentee they'd beat me up.

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Gay Capital...Kiks ass!

Just got back from Brighton. The gay capital of England...not sure about world...dnt think so, but anyhoo. it was so amazing, u wlk dwn the street and u see gay and lesbian couples without a care in the world! and no one was bothered at all. and expecially at night all the clubs were open and it was so....gay friendly! me n my mates have decided we're all guna live there, the atmosphere is amazing, the people r great and i've nva felt so safe in a city in all my life! Has anyone else been to brighton? i rly rly do reccomend it!

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Woa no way!

ok its like 3:15 in the mornin n im waaay tired...but if u put the cursor over sumones name it comes up with a lil url address in the bottom left hand corner at the end of it it says wat number they r! we're given numbers! I'm number 5036...sooo im gessing its like a counter for how many ppl have joined this site....and the latest person so far is lilguster...and their number 6558, so 6558 ppl have joined this site!

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Brighton!! woooo

So next friday im going up to brighton for a few days, and im meeting my two friends dwn there tht jst so happened to be going at the same time! coincidence? i think not! we totally made it so this wud happen! anyhoo for those of u who dnt no brighton is the 'gay capital' of england or sumit like tht...i've been there once b4 but dnt rly remember it, im not sure wat im expecting but it shud be gd! one of my friends tht r going is also bi so we've agreed we're guna be 'openly gay' up there and have as many laughs as possible! and also it'll give me a break from other stuff thats happening, like, my girlfriend, i need to get away for abit, jst to have sum space, i no shes not to happy bout me going cus my friend thts gay thts coming fancies me, and shes made tht blatently obvious in the past to myself and my girlfriend.

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maybe signs i should be pikin up on? or just not?

hey ppl, so 2day was weird...we're doing SATs at the minute so tht suks, but its my last exam tomorrow, and its english, so it wont be to bad. but the day got btr...in some ways, my friend (yes, shes one of the best friend crush legacy) wasnt very well at all at break, she was all cold and stuff but it was sunny! so i gave her a hug and wrapped my coat round her (i have one of those huge army coats) in attempt to warm her up, i think it helped, bcus she fell asleep on my shoulder, and afterwards she said to me 'u were so warm, it was like snuggling up nxt to a fire' n i said ok nxt time ur rly cold i'll warm u up and let u fall asleep on me, and she said and plz dnt let me go, so i said ok, i wont let go of u and she smiled and said good. i thought i was dreamin! u no tht feelin wen its like u have butterflies in ur belly? it was like tht, and i could just feel her smile on me. and then later on i went to see if she was ok and she hugged me real tite, it was so kool! but i no she prbs doesnt mean anything by it.....rite?

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Give me a chance to break ur heart

Sorry bout the bad title...i cant think of anything else...well i wrote this bcus..well..i duno...i just wrote it...

why cant u be the one to stik around?
wen i pass u in the halls i wish u'd stare
i wish atleast u'd see me
like i see u, i wish u wud care
life suks doesnt it, and we feel the same
and wen u hurt i hurt and want to hold on
jst so i no i can keep u sane
i want to be the one u write about

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Now what?!!?

Ok, so a few weeks ago my mate found this site and found my journals n stuff on here, its not all bad tho. She didnt find anything tht said i fancied her, but now im going out on a limb writing this incase she gets the urge to check up on me again. Oh well. So i do rly rly like my best mate (the same one tht found this site, we'll call her jill) anyway yeah i rly like jill and its getting way harder to keep it in and not tell her or jst grab hold of her and hold her n nva let go.

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Pain Is A Friend

Sorry this isnt very gd...this is my 1st poem to post on here...sorry again.

Pain Is A Friend
do u think i can handle this?
a new graphic screen name and blood on ur wrist
do u think i'll help u out
do u think im gunna care?
dnt ever think about ways to doubt me
ur words persuade me im not there.
wen i no all i feel is worry
and all i do is care
so u've come to relise pain is a friend

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day after day

I rly dnt like having to go to skool, keeping up the sharade of knwoing for sure that im straight and go for guys, or pretending that im a happy outgoing person or pretending to be sumthing im not..and their all to self-centred to notice im lieing..
a usual conversation.
~i walk wih head dwn~
'friend': hey Anna!!!! You alwiiite?!
me: ~looks up sighs smiles sweetly~ im alwite
~friend walks off~

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day after day

I rly dnt like having to go to skool, keeping up the sharade of knwoing for sure that im straight and go for guys, or pretending that im a happy outgoing person or pretending to be sumthing im not..and their all to self-centred to notice im lieing..
a usual conversation.
~i walk wih head dwn~
'friend': hey Anna!!!! You alwiiite?!
me: ~looks up sighs smiles sweetly~ im alwite
~friend walks off~

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2dark2see's picture

day after day

I rly dnt like having to go to skool, keeping up the sharade of knwoing for sure that im straight and go for guys, or pretending that im a happy outgoing person or pretending to be sumthing im not..and their all to self-centred to notice im lieing..
a usual conversation.
~i walk wih head dwn~
'friend': hey Anna!!!! You alwiiite?!
me: ~looks up sighs smiles sweetly~ im alwite
~friend walks off~

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It never gets better does it?

I'm rly confused and im new here so im not sure wat reaction if any i'll get from this..So heres the deal im 14 and have been self harmin for over a year now, its got pretty intense these last couple of weeks and i cant stop myself anymore, i've tried again and again but i always find myself back at square onE. I've got my best friend around but i've told her everythings fine now...i cant stand lying and its tearin me up, but i had to..She's been through same thing before and knows how it is, but she was beginning to really freak out about it and became rly worried n i just cudnt deal with my problems affecting her as well so i told her it was over...but the thing is now i have no one to go to...no ones there to listen to me or understand..I thought things were always meant to get better, i've come to relise they never do.Hopefully soon i'll end all this.

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