For the following days since our bench meeting, Sara and I became even closer. We were with eachother as much as possible. But it wasn’t like everything was planned out specifically. Often times one of us would just show up at one of the other’s doorsteps. It was mostly Sara who came to visit me though, and each time she did she brightened my day.
We had developed somewhat of a schedule during the week. Every time I needed to go to Dr. Shimak she would be there to take me. And before we left each time we would meet on the bench and sit together. We would just talk and laugh and be there, just hanging out. It was actually a really nice time for me, and each time was special. I never got tired of watching her walk across the street only to take a seat beside me. Golden hair always sparkling, flawless smile spread across her face. And she had a great figure, but I didn’t think about stuff like that. Or I tried not to.
so just a little while a go i came out to my sister. i wasnt even going to today, actually, i dont know when i ever was. but i was going to eventually. anyway, today in the car my mom pretty much told me i should come out to her before she left. lol, i look back and think thats the first time ive heard of someones parent making them come out to someone. oh well, i was fine doing it. anyway, so i told her and she was the only one so far who already knew.
My heart was jumping inside my chest as I approached Parker. She just sat on the bench, watching me with her amazingly shadowed eyes. Eyes I had seen into once. Eyes I had spent the whole night trying to perfect on my canvas. But now they were the real thing, watching me.
I tried to look calm as I approached, but the truth was I was a mess. I hadn’t gotten any sleep, and I had been thinking of her since I left. Even when I wasn’t exactly thinking of her, I was creating her in my mind. Last night, all I could paint was her. All I could draw was her. All I could see was her.
hey, i was outta town this weekend so i couldnt type anything up. sorry! im back tho, so i should be able to write some stuff pretty soon. also, thanks to anyone who dropped me a message about my "falling for a friend" thing. all of it helped, thanks so much. anyway, im gonna try to type sometime tonite, so maybe you guys will get something soon.
so recently i had some unbearably intense feelings for this girl. i knew nothing could come of it, so i tried to let it go as best i could and just hoped i would go for someone else. well i have mostly let it go, and have developed feelings for someoen else. the problem is, this someone else is a good friend. first off, she doesn't even know i'm gay, and she is definitely straight. second, she is gonna be a senior in high school and i will just be a freshman.
The sun was out and there was no wind, taking a bit of the harshness away from the winter day. The snow actually looked kinda pretty as it glinted in the sun. I waited across the street. Sara had said she was going to pick me up in front of my building and if I wanted a ride I should take it. Well, I did want a ride, but then I didn’t. What had happened the night before was on my mind all day. I needed time to think before she came.
I fell into bed, still unsure of what to feel.
I had great time tonight, but the ending was a little confusing. After Parker found me we started to talk over some stolen goods. Everything just seemed natural when I was with her. We started laughing, well I did atleast, and laughed right until the very end. I loved the way she could make me laugh so easily. All she had to say was one thing and it would set me off. I hadn’t truly laughed that much in a while, and it made me feel good.
“Ok, ok, just one more time,
man, i am just getting so fed up with things. i have been pretty unhappy lately, and its not fun. i just turned 14 but feel like i have so much responsiblity. everyone depends on me for a lot fo stuff, and they think i'm like in college or something. im always worrying about what i forgot to do, or what i have to do next. i know i should just drop some activities, but everything is important to me and i dont think people would understand if I just didnt do stuff.
see, i'm finally coming along, a little. i may be going slowly, but atleast i'm wrting stuff. and i know im killing you guys with each new addition, but hey, i have to get some entertainment too. but I have to ask, do you guys prefer waitng longer and hiving bigger entries or wating less and having smaller entries?
I lay on my bed for a while after Ashlei left, trying to fall back asleep. I never did. My thoughts kept drifting back to what she had told me. Sara was waiting in the lobby for me. I didn’t know why. She didn’t have anything to say to me and I didn’t have anything to say to her.
Okay, maybe I was a little interested as to why she never picked me up. But I was fine with letting that go. And maybe I kind of wanted to see her warm smile, but I was fine with letting that go too. I looked at the clock, she had probably left by now. I shifted positions, trying to find a comfortable one. I hated this damn cast.
Ten minutes passed. Then fifteen. Still I waited. Every time the door opened my head snapped up hoping it was Parker. It never was. Finally I saw a familiar face come down, but it still wasn’t the one I was looking for.
“I thought I said leave after ten minutes.
The door opened and I heard Ashlei drop her keys on the desk. Her bag made a large thump on the ground and the lights flicked on. She came over to my bed and looked at me. I pretended to still be asleep.
“Street, don’t play with me like that, I know you’re awake. You wake up to a mouse takin a shit so I know you’re up now.
Before I knew what I was doing I parked my car and walked to Parker’s dorm. I was right outside when I realized I couldn’t get in because the doors were locked. I guess I’ll just wait for someone to come. I found a dry spot and sat down.
As I waited, I wondered what I was doing here. It’s not like I hadn’t found myself in weird places before. But most of those times were when I was drunk, which happened often. But I hadn’t had anything alcoholic since last night. So why was I here?