Later that night, I lay in the hospital bed thinking the day over.
First, there was the usual visit from the therapist. That was a one sided conversation, as usual. Coach Smith came to visit, but I didn’t really remember why. She had been visiting a lot lately. She probably wanted to know if I was still going to be able to play again, so she wasn’t wasting her precious scholarship money. Then Sara came.
I parked in the parking lot and went inside the hospital. I was nervous. I didn’t know if it was from my recent time spent in the hospital, or who I was going to visit.
I had gotten a phone call earlier that day from a nurse saying the girl, Parker, wanted to see me. That was kind of unnerving. The person I had almost seen die wanted to chat.
I left the elevator and went to the receptionist’s desk. I told her my situation.
By the time I was even remotely close to getting home, I swear I had frostbite. There was no way I was going to get any sleep tonight. Scratch that. There was no way I would get any sleep this morning.
I started to jog a little, partly to warm up and partly to get home faster. I heard a car’s bass thumping somewhere in the background. The fallen leaves rustled in the wind. I tried not to think of anything and just disappear. This worked for a while, I didn’t notice anything around me.
ummm, ok, i dont usually share my stuff, but today i feel weird so i will. this isnt any poetry or anything, becuase i dont usually ahre that stuff, but maybe one of these days i'll come out of my shell. this is a stroy i've just been working on now and then when i'm bored. i dont really know where its going yet, so please give any input if you have it. even if its negative input, thats cool to. just not too negative i guess. anyway, heres the first part, there will be more later.
ok, this is getting ridiculous. this is the second time i just like poured all my thoughts out to post...and then everything gets deleted. dammit, now im even more frustraed. ok, let me summarize. i came out a while ago to my parents and friend as probably being a lesbian. i told them i wasnt sure, but i pretty much was. now im not so sure because i think im starting to have feelings for some guys too.
Wow...people here are really friendly. Although I didn't get a lot of comments (2), the ones I did get were really nice. Thanks. It's awesome to be able to read other people's stuff too. I'm really glad I found this site in the end, although it's a really complicated story as to how I got here. I actually don't really feel like writing all that right now, I'll save that for a rainy day.
I guess I don't have a real purpose for writing this, except to say thanks to those two who sent me stuff before. Well, Dashboard Confessionals has put me in the mood, so I may as well make this letter useful...I need some advice. I don't have any like homophobic problems or girlfriend problems at the moment, no, I just have like generic human problem. Procrastination.
Well, like countless others, I am new to this site. I consider my joining this site to be one more step to becoming a part of the gay family. I have recently come out to my best friend and parents, but still have a lot of feelings inside that they don't know about. Often times I try to lose these feelings in sports, or I try to confront them through poetry. I'm hoping this will be a place that I can let my feelings out.