w8tin4life's picture

frustrated on sex and realationships.

heres the thing. im 6'2 and wiegh about 165. im very in shape and you can tell if you look at me. im not bad looking at least i think so. and im not trying to be vain even though even to me thats how it sounds. im having the worst promblem trying to find someone who wants to date me instead of just have sex with me. dont get me wrong. sex is good but i want something more than someone wanting me for that one particular reason.

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my unanswerable questions on love

this is my theory on life and why we live it. these are questions i need answered, but cant be.

love. simple and complicated. both intracate and incomplete. both hard and easy. how can one thing be the meaning to everyones exsistence in the world. 4 simple letters put together to become the most untangeable idea known to man. although many claim to touch it, can the depths of this words be truelly grasped and understood.

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SCREWED not in the good way

alright, there is this girl. i love talking to here. i never feel like ending a note to her. i swear all i want to do is talk to her. i check to see if she's written me anything every five minutes. i talk to her and everything else seems to disappear. i miss hours at a time just writing to her. everything gets hazy and all i can think of is her laughing and smiling. but it's nonsense. i can never be with her.

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chapter 9

long awaited ive been busy hope you like it!!

Chapter 9: life has changed

Hope had tried to avoid Devyn all week. Hope had heard that Devyn was looking for her. Hope didn’t want to fall into something that she couldn’t get out of. Her feelings for Devyn wouldn’t last she told herself. Besides, Jackson Mills was dating Devyn. One week till Christmas break; one week till the temptation was over for a good month. Hope rounded a corner and saw Devyn standing at her locker. Her hands were on the top of the row of lockers and her head was bent between her strong arms. Hope could see the muscles in Devyns arm contract and relax. Devyn’s jaw was clenched shut. Her mouth made a thin line. Hope saw people swerve around Devyn. They seemed afraid of her. Hope thought about this to herself. Devyn, seen there at her locker, did seem menacing, but hope had never been scared of Devyn. Ever since Devyn hugged her that day in the hall, she had known that Devyn wasn’t capable of hurting anyone. Hope walked quickly and touched Devyn’s shoulder and she felt Devyns muscle tense up. Devyn quietly shut her locker door. She turned and looked down into hope’s eyes.

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chapter 8

Chapter 8: almost

As the months went by, hope saw herself become more and more attached to Devyn. Devyn had some funny things that she did that drew hope to her. devyn had this weird habit of shaking her leg when she got mad, which seemed often with one person. Jackson mills always had a way to get onto devyns nerves. Since that time in the bathroom hope and devyn were inseparable. So, when devyn got this angry shaking, hope would gently put her hand on her leg and deyvn would release her breath and her body would relax. The more time hope spent with devyn the more she wanted to be with her. one day in mid-November, hope brought devyn to her house after much pleading of devyn.

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breaking down and feeling it

alright i need to get some stuff out. it's not a rant because im not mad bbut i dont have anwhere to turn to at this moment so i have to let it out here. carly isn't aonline right now. i just miss her so much. i wish she was there so i could find some refuge and just stop being strong for moment in time. i feel like i can open up and just be open with her. my friend danielle hasn't sent me an email in forever.

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chapter 7

Chapter 7: letting go

“Everything was going fine in Clydesdale high. I was popular you could say and I did a lot of things. It all changed when I met Amy. She was a very quit person and I was attracted to her from the beginning. As much as I prodded she never said anything beyond what was necessary to be polite with. I really got to know her when I directed the school play because she was the lead role. She was completely different when on stage. It’s like she morphed into someone else. We grew closer over Christmas break. No one could separate us. One night something happened and I found myself kissing her. we kept everything between us closed because we were afraid about our parents and other kids at school. When someone would ask she would always deny, and it started to bug me. I started accepting the fact that I didn’t want to hold it in anymore; but still Amy insisted. One day someone saw us kiss in the hall and reported it. When asked about it by the principal I said yes when Amy said no. I was expelled. My parents fought with lawyers to regain my admission in the school, but a judge would not listen to our case. Now, ive become so afraid of others finding out who I am. I’ve used all my energy to hide who I am from people in this school and today I broke down. I can’t do it any more. I wont. The fact is im gay and they have to live with it.

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shaggy

where did we go my friend
where did our road end
why are we so lost
why wont our hearts just mend

we've fallen down the rabbit hole
and sunk deeper in a pit
we can't find our way out
so i just quickly sit

i think of the way we met
on that cold, damp bus
i let my heart pour out to you
and take it back i must

i've found that it never
happend to the "we"
but that i sat and cryed again

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chapter 5 and 6

Chapter 5: shirtless

Hope sat on the old, crummy couch surfing the T.V.
“Hope; phone

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chapters 3 and 4

hope sat down tiredly in her AP calculus class. gretchen trailed behind her. "What was that about?" gretchen asked after she set her books down on her desks. hope looked back ar her questionalingly.
" i know people fawn over devyn but you looked...diffrent" hope looked as if she didnt understand. hope looked at her as if she didnt understand. grecthen shrugged and turned to her math. hopes mind raced. what if devyn saw her looking at her like that. it would be a repeat of last year. thats not what hope needed. all of a sudden "hello, devyn", "hey, dev" "wassup, dev", "how you been dev" all kinds of greetings shooted into the air. hope glanced up and saw the tall beauty standing in the door way. devyn seemed to be on a best freind basis with everyone. nerds, jocks, punks, all seemed to know devyn. hope lowered her head to scan her math book, hoping no one would notice her.

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chapter 1 and 2

"why hide", devyn said angerly to herself as she pushed the heavy, wooden door open with ease. everything looked the same as it had since she was 10 and had moved in when her father hit it big. her father now owned the biggest company in the world. Her father a tall, dark man had always had dreams of hitting it big. he had soft black hair that was starting to grey at the sides. he had gained wrinkles through stress of buisness but still look very rugged. he was a very lean man, yet his cheeks still looked like he stuffed 4 very large grapes into them. it was an amazing idea to devyn how her father ended up with a women like her mother. her mother was short, never surpassing the 4'11 mark she hit in 8th grade. she was warped with many curves. she had long, long blonde hair that had never shown one gray. she wore skimpy clothing, while her father wore suits and sweaters. their meating one night was nothing but a fleeting moment of lust, yet lead to the worst mistake of their lives. devyn. her father married her mom and soon they were learning to take care of a child they were never ready to have. devyn threw her keys onto the clear glass table. sure they had given her tons of money, a brand new car, and they never wanted to know where she was, but devyn was never a kid that wanted those things. she worked hard in school and in everyhting else she did hoping to get their attention some how and never did. she quit trying years ago. devyn survyed the fridge, and pulled out a coke from the bottom shelf. as the hiss of the carbination quited, she took a long solid drink and felt it burn and sting down her throat. she loved that feeling of pure pain with the aftertaste of something so sweet. after she drainded her drink devyn threw it await and climbed the stairs to the third floor where her room was. as she stood silently looking at her room she realized that with all the money she had her room was only furnished with a bed and several work out machines. "pathetic" she said to herself as she walked over and fell onto her bed.. she wasnt content with what she had. she wanted more. not neccesarly materalist things, but non-tangible thing. time, love, passion everyhting she was deprived of. she silently cried herself to slep thrinking of the life she lead.

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time to go

will i wake tommorrow
to see the start of day?
when i fall asleep at night
i pray to god i may

my work on earth isnt done
i feel it deep down in my soul
i havent found my purpose
a life i have to mold

exsperts say were meaningful
for that i must agree
they say were here for a reason
what can that reason be?

time is slowly choking
moments come and go so fast
i want to live right now

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the one who changed me

i walked upong this earth
touched by its cruel hand
i tried to rest in solitude
on green grass and foreign sand

i was lonely and abandoned
hurt and pushed away
i wished for it to be over
i prayed that it may

i endured intruding of my body
hands i couldnt wash away
they burned into my skin
but my flesh would never say

god took away two souls
that had meant so much
i began to shiver and freeze inside

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one little call

one little call
can change the way you think
one little call
can make you sink

one little word
can tear your world down
and leave your mangled heart
tangled in a mound

one little call
with news of hurt and pain
can send a demon unleashed
one you cannot tame

it rips apart your masterpeice
one woven with golden twine
one that holds all the memories
of others pain and all of mine

how many of you have been subject to abuse?

just gesture or two
11% (7 votes)
a few mean words and glances
47% (29 votes)
my property has been vadilised
10% (6 votes)
been beat and mugged
11% (7 votes)
none at all
21% (13 votes)
Total votes: 62
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