yey yey yey - i got my first letter from a uni. MANCHESTER! it was a sort of call back thing saying my applicatiion was strong and they want more info about me! so i was really happy, but my mum of course had to ruin it by saying - we've agreed this - you arent going to manchester. ummmm....watch me! anyways, nice to know "my application is strong!" but what i really really really want is to hear
well ive had better days, but mainly what i wanted to write about was some arseholes at my school. i really hate these boys. they are considered the "popular" boys and they pretend to be so accepting. i remember once at a training thing we had to do for school, they made a big show of saying, amoungst other things that were meant to make people feel they fitted in - "its ok to be gay" and using it as a sort of slogan, but they dont mean it at all. one of the boys is senior prefect but her is racist and prejudice against lots of minorities. i dont know how he made senior prefect, its like he has all the staff fooled that hes great.
I was in physics today and my teacher was trying to demonstrate torque. so he picked me to stand on a wooden plank propped up on a chair (like a seesaw). he got my best friend to push down on the other side and see if she colud lift me. then he moved the chair so the part i was on was shorter and got her to do it again - to show it was easier the second time.
then he told her to pick me up. she protested, i protested but he insisted.
A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
This was an email i got but i though it was good so i decided to post it.
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"Listen sir....when I was born I was BLACK,
When I grew up I was BLACK,
so a couple of days ago my mum was talking to me about why i dont hang out with some of my old friends and if its because i told them im gay. after i explained it wasnt she started asking which of my friends have boyfriends and saying once they all have boyfriends they wont hang out with me anymore - which is not true but its her idea of "talking me straight". so i just laughed at her, then she asked me something which she asks me every few months but the way she worded it made me want to laugh so much: "are you and [best friend]...ummmm.....are you...'partners'?" once id got myself under control i explained we werent but i wish she would stop asking thsat as she obviously wont listen anyway.
last night we had a school fancy dress ball at a hotel. we werent allowed alcohol and our bags were searched when we went in. somehow people must have sneaked stuff in though because the police raided it, found four bags of cocaine, 80 litres of vodka and someone smoking hash. they arrested people, we all got chucked out and it ended really early. we now arent going to be allowed our leavers ball (prom) and all because a few arseholes were completely selfish.
loads has happened this weekend, but i cant really be bothered to write it now...maybe another time. basically what i feel i need to write out now is a problem with a friend of mine. i came out to her a week ago on friday. she always seemed a bit homophobic but i decided i had to tell her anyway. i also liked her for a while, and while i still think shes attractive i know nothings going to happen and i dont want it to.
so i decided to do the talent show that i mentioned in my last entry. me and my friend are singing barbie girl - he is being barbie and me as ken. we rehearsed it today and got 3 girls who im friends with to be backing dancers so im less nervous about how it will be recieved by people now there are a few more in the group.
my mum is away staying with my dad so im alone for 12 whole days...yey! and i hasve so much on this weekend its going to be so fun! theres a party and almost everyone going is gay, although i think its mostly boys.
our school is doing a talent show and my friend wants to do the warm-up act. he wants to perform barbie girl by aqua ad he is going to be barbie (dress and all) and has asked me to be ken ( and dress up as a guy) i sort of agreed but im not sure. imy other friends say its like commiting social suicide. i cant decide whethr to pull out before we start working on it or whether just to go for it and have fun...
Deep, deep inside,
Looming stone proclaiming the sins,
Soil and mud,
Mud in the veins,
Hi sins make my pain.
Deep, deep inside,
Branded by that mark,
Tissue of the stoney ground,
Dewed by tears,
Washed but never clean.
Forgiveness in that velvet sky,
out of all my friends, i just had 2 left to come out to. both are quite homophobic at times and i felt it was easier if i didnt say anything just yet. since im not close to one of them i have decided ot to tell her, not for a while anyway. but the other is a good friend (and as cliche (sp?) as it is, i have a bit of a crush on her) so her best friend said i should just come out to her - as long as i wanted to.
someones forum the other day about getting too far into the gay scene and becoming just "the gay kid" got me thinking and when i read this in a book (its a bit random out of context but anyway) i thought id post it. it made me think.
"The Centipede Story"
"One day, a centipede is sitting in the garden minding her own business having a nice time in the sun when a worm comes along and starts chatting.
it was our first day of school after 2 weeks off and it was pretty good. i saw soe friend i hadnt seen since i came out to them and they were being great. the girl i like (who i think might like me too) was quizzing me why i didnt text her back after we had been having a text conversation - i explained i thought we were done speaking - opps! its nice to know she cared though :)
now i have so much work though, im never going to be able to keep up. my mum told me today she might not be moving next year...omg. she cant just NOT move away. my dad might come back here instead. hence i want to move further from here than i already was and if shes here she will want me to not move too far. a 3 hour drive wont satisfy me, ill need to go to england. she wasbeing awful today. my friend even said whenever she saw how my mum is she feels bad for me and doesnt like coming to my house because of it. geez.