gotta be quick, i need to go to school. my mum came home yesterday and said her friends son had told her that im gay. she already knew this, but had told me not to tell anyone. so she started going on did this mean id told th whole school. as if id even WANT my entire school to know. so i tried to explain how people started saying that but she wouldnt belienve me, and started blaming the 2 friends she knows iv told, to which i just told her she was being ridiculous and that my friends did care.
call me slow, i am...but i just realised...has american only ever had straight white male presidents? brtain isnt much better, but we have had a female PM. in fact, has any country ever had a gay leader, which other countries have actually had female leaders and has any prodominantly white country had a white leader? gee....thats so messed up. anyway, took me a while to actually realise this. anyo
so another day at school with this rumour going round. well i really dont feel like thinking about it, let alone writing about it. im worried about what my mum will do if she hears. shes forbidden me to tell anyone im gay, shes not oing to believe i didnt. anyway, i think its getting sorted and people arent believing it.
in physics though it felt like the class was just laughing at me and my friend behind our backs (the one they think im dating).
what do you do when people think you are dating one of your best friends? shes straight, in gay but only out to friends. they know we arent dating, everyone im not out to seems to think we are. friends who i havent told supposedly havent reacted well. people who dont even know me are supposedly talking about us. the best part? no-one bothered to tell me. in fact, they purposely didnt tell me in case it "upset me".
feels like i havent been on here much lately, im crazy busy at school etc. wow stuff with friends is acually good for once. they have become so comfortable with me being gay that we are really open about it (when we arent around people from school) and joke and everything - this is why i wanted to come out - it feels so natural bein myself now and its so much better than before, when people avoided the subject and where uncomfortable. i seem to be growing away from one of my closest friends, but i think we are just both changing and im not sad about it, just happens.
so i got my hair cut today - finally - woo. i went shorter than i originally planned but not really really short. its sort of like shane from the l word but a bit shorter -a big change from elbow legth!
arggg ive got so much to do lately and everytime im home my mums complaining to me about something. i cant do anything right it seems. screw her. my brother is fucking stuff up here as usual. so my cool hair cut day sort of turned into a bad i-have-a-crazy-family day. must be hormonal or something cos im crying for very little reason. ironically listening to daniel powter song called bad day.
ive been away for the weekend so i have loads to do, ill try make this a quick post. so i decided to go for it and cut my hair really short, no matter how mad my mum will be. i spoke to my friends about it and one said to me later - you know if you do this everyone will automatically assume youre a lesbian. and i thought about it and i know shes right. ill have the shortest hair in school (from the girls i mean) so people will think GAY but i dont mind anymore.
im getting my hair cut on monday and i need opinions! right now my hair is nearly at my elbows but i really dont like it anymore. i was planning to get it cut to about my chin but what i really want is it really short. my mum will flip out though. its been hard enough getting her to say i could cut it at all. she has a huge fear ill get it cut and someone might suspect im gay...imagine the disgrace it would bring upon her...shock horror...
i finally came out to the only close friend of mine that i hadnt told yet. she reacted well but she is so different to many of my other friends that i dont know how she will feel over time. i hope she will stay ok with me, because some of my other friends seem to have become uncomfortable around me. well, its their choice and i certainly cant be any different so if they dont like me anymore (or really dont like my sexuality, since thats all thats changed - although it was always there just not openly i guess)then i will just have to accept it.
it was my first day back at school after summer and it was actually a really good day - apart from the fact i had to get an injection. after school i hung out with a good friend and it was great...well im in a happy mood.
everyone - including teachers - are all putting lots of pressure on me now to decide what i want to do after school, its so annoying...im just about ready to scream at people
hehe im just sitting here watching sugar rush and the 2 girls just had a really long, super hot kiss.
im having such a great day, just loads of little things...i want to spread the happiness, so smiles and kisses to you all. if your having a bad day - SMILE for me and it will make you feel better.
so i got my exam results about an hour ago. with A being the best C being the last pass and D is a fail - i got AAAAB. woooo hoooooooo. im really happy cos ive had some problems with school this year, but i managed to pull it together for these exams...yey!!! i got the B for english which i find really hard so im really pleased. i have no idea how i managed an A in physics - that exam was awful!
wow so the moment my last 12 years of school has been leading up to is tomorrow (yes, i am a drama queen, but am i bothered?) i get my higher results. for those of you who dont understand our scottish exam system, we do standard grades then highers then advanced highers - but its our higher grades that we need for uni usually and doing advanced is just an extra. so my future does depend a lot on these results. im gonna get up really early (just in case the post man decideds to deliver our post at a different time from usual...). thats the torture part, sitting and waiting. anyway, i do how i do and i always have this year to try bump my grades up so no point worrying (yeah, that gonna happen...)
ok, so i could be worrying for no reason (i do tend to do that about my friends sometimes) but i noticed another time that one friend always seems to have plasters on her arms now and yesterday i was looking at her arm and it looked a bit like she hadsome fading scars from cuts.
should i talk to her about it? i wouldnt be much help anyway though, ive never been in that situation myself and i tend to get very worked up about it because of how cutting has affected my brother and in turn my whole family. but if i dont do anything im worried she might do herself some serious damage, plus if she is cutting then there must be a reason which shouldnt just be left. i know some people hre cut, would you want your friend to talk ot you about it?
ok i can tell before i write this its going to be an overly paranoid entry, so be warned! the girl i met and got her number - well i said id be in the gay bar tonight and would see her and her friends there but i couldnt go out so i texted her to say i couldnt but id like to see her another time. that was hours ago and she didnt reply. either:
1. since she was bi-curious she may have got freaked out/ scared/ changed her mind bout seeing a girl once she was sober.