i just met THE CUTEST GIRL EVER!!!!!!!!! okay, not EVER, but OMFG!!!!!!!
she's adorable!!!! and like, edible!!! AND SHE TALKED TO ME!!! and SMILED AT ME!!!!!!!!!!
and i'm SUCH a freakin guy, cause i had NOTHING to say to her!!! all i could think of was to ask for an app, so we talked for a bit about working there (frozen yogurt shop), and she IS SO EFFING CUTE!!!!!!!!!!
ohmygawd, i'm like, high on how adorable she is. i SOOOO want to get to know her...and ask her out! lol
work got cancelled today, cause of the rain. oh well...lol
i'm donating blood on monday, which is cool. i need/want to do that more.
um...yeah, that's about my day so far.
OH! i saw the most ADORABLE girl today...omg! she had really, really short hair, and these long feather earings, and kneehigh tan boots...she was gorgeous.
i can't wait to go camping!!! in fact, speaking of...i think i'm gonna go do some research. my folks are thinking about letting me do a solo overnight hike, but i need to find out more info about what the trails are like, and where i could go.
i'm pissed at pat. not pissed, really, just...dude, you can't leave! we want you to be here. me especially. you're something solid to lean on, you've got a lot of good stuff to say, and you're cool!
i totally get if you need to take a step back...i need that too, sometimes. and i definitely get feeling like you're always giving, and never 'getting', and how totally exhausting that can be (my therepist yells at me all the time for doing it).
two cats are fighting outside, in the rain. it's very entertaining to listen to. the falsetto is winning.
i also hate dogs. not all dogs, but it's more of a 'guilty unitl innocent' approach.
S has 5 at the riding academy. 3 are regular size, the other 2 are small. the three big ones scared the shit out of me.
i hate being barked at. i've been bit my a couple of dogs (the recent one wasn't bad, or freaky, but the first one was...traumatizing, lol). so barking=pain in my head.
i want more
and i don't want to want it
i want a body to hold
a hand to caress
someone to love
i hate this longing
i hate the feeling
that one isn't enough
i have to be a part of two
i just...i want to see that look
see it in her eyes
but not Her...just her
the look that says
i'm the only one in the room
and i want to give it back
i hate this longing
i hate the feeling
that i'll never be okay alone
that i need someone else
i want to be happy with just myself
but i can't...i can't
it hurts so much, i tell myself
it hurts, it's too much
i feel bad...i really do care.
i am just so tired right now.
i want to send messages to all y'all who i talk to, but i just can't seem to think right now.
but i do care.
tomorrow will be better.
i don't break my promises.
i feel like an asshole.
love y'all. *hugs*
so, wolf txts me this evening, a few hours ago, and wants to talk. only, she's going outside, so we can't chat on live, which is what we normally do. so i asked if i could just come over, and she said sure.
we walked around the soccer fields for a bit, which was hella funny, cause 1st we got run off this construction area we were snooping around, and then we were wanding around and she had her katana, and i was in my leather jacket, and it was totally like some vampire/lycan movie! lol it was great!
"Like all religions, the Holy Religion of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both Logic and Faith. We have Faith that She is Pink; and we Logically know that She is Invisible, because we can't see Her."
This...this is something i could believe in. :D
oh crap! why? why did you have to remind me?
vday is coming. and not the good, cheer in the streets in the 40s Vday. the other one that makes my heart ache.
fuck. oh fuck. oh double fuck.
thank GOD i'm going to be camping that weekend. last year was majorly fucked up, and i have a feeling this year wouldn't be much better if i were sticking around.
this way, i'll have an excuse to turn off my phone.
i really, really don't want it to be vday. cause i know it's gonna bring stuff up, and i don't. want. TO. DEAL WITH IT!
oh my, i'm totally jacked up on caffine right now. i'm so jittery!!!
i ran a red light today. like...i didn't even notice that there WAS a light, and i just blasted through it.
and then, on the freeway, i was almost hit by a semi. THAT was freaky. he was a jackass.
anywho, i've got to go, before a pop a vein or something.
get through work, then come home.
CRAP!!! i forgot to call the lady! crappers. don't have time now!
i'm still sick, but i refuse to acknowledge it. so i feel like shit today.
and i'd like to share an example of how much of a lesbian stereotype i am. Em, as you all know (i hope, by now) was my first gf...R was my second. they are both now concidered exes, and also good friends (though stuff with R is really screwed up, but we're working it out).
so today, Em came over after school, and we hung out, and she made cookies (i'd made the dough last night, but was too lazy to bake them, so she baked them).
TOMORROW, R is coming over, and we're gonig to make MORE cookies. wtf??
...then i've got to too (this does not include boys)
IF i have kids (and that's kind of a big IF), then these are names i MIGHT name them.
Jordan (for a girl)
Gabriel (gee, you get the feeling that I like that name...)
...there are others that i like, but i can't seem to think of any right now.
anywho, whatchy'all think? (don't ya love my crazy contraction/made up word??)
There's this guy, and he's walking along, and he falls into a deep, deep pit that he can't get out of. He calls for help, but nobody hears.
Eventually, a doctor walks by, and sees him down in the hole.
"Doctor, please, I need some help. Can you get me out of here?" the man cries.
"Of course I can!" the doctor replies, and he scribbles a prescription onto a piece of paper and tosses it down to the man.
The prescription, of course, does no good, so the man waits some more.
After a while, a priest walks by, and the man says,
...like a light. i'm dead on my feet.
gonna log off, light a candle for tim, and get some zzzs.
will someone please message me if he gets on? (if ya don't know, that's WantsOut)
tim, hon, if you read this, i'd love to hear from you. if you still have my number, you can call or txt me anytime, if you want to chat.
*hugs* to everyone
we love you tim.
memory and reality mix in my head
"i want to die"
"i want to die"
"i want to die"
i want to die...
four voices mingle and fade, becoming one
then four again, and back
until i want to scream with our agony
please, i beg, make it stop
and my voice of now is the same
of years ago
when a knife bit my flesh, and i wanted to die
"don't go" i beg
please, you can't go
it's too soon
i haven't loved you enough
it's all my fault
i can't stop you
i love you
"i'll die without you" i tell you
god, you hurt so much and i want