gotta love gay cowboys -heath ledger... mmm.
OK, I need help. I am very, very confused. I've always labeled myself as bi. But i'm really not bi, I ONLY LIKE GUYS. I JUST WANT TO LIKE GIRLS. has anyone had this experience? This is earth-shattering? but not bad. Aight, comment!
bi or gay? wtf? I was talking to someione who said that bi people are ppl who cant come to terms with tehir gayness. Yeah, well that's bullshit, but it might be true for me...
This isnt about me, i have not had this experience thank God, and please comment if you think it's powerful - it's crazy how you can feel things for others *EMPATHY. I take it to the extreme I guess and really understand it.
He woke up with a terrible dream on his mind, soaking in sweat. The dream had infiltrated his innards, corrupted his chastity, stolen his soul. And he was angry.
The dream meant everything to him. It was the third dream in three days; it was one of those dreams. He hated how it tormented him. It gave his body a jolt like none other, a disabling affliction that only caffeine and the 9 to 5 job would dull. He woke up tasting the fresh remains of his dignity, feeling filthy.
I’ve decided that my friends suck. They suck ass. And I’m going to get new ones. I was talking with a few people, and they were like people don’t like you because they associate you with “(Names of friends)
Je pense qu’il est gay (that is the right word; it does seem odd)
Je pense que j’aime ca.
Je pense que ce que des autres pensent d’avoir tort est mon champion
Il est sortout ce qui me fache
Soir après soir
Et je ne pourrais jamais le changer.
Goutez mon ame
Et dites-moi que tu crois ce que je dis.
I think he is gay
I think I like that.
I think that that which others think is wrong is my hero.
Ok, so I had a blast at band camp. It was incredible. Probably the most memeorable moment was being like “ SHIT, there’s ICE in my ASS-CRACK
gotta lotta things on my mind.
it's not nature's way, but I sure enjoy it. or do i? I don't even fucking know. It's like, I LIKE GUYS, mmK? but how do I know this? "I've always known". Frankie, myself, is an idiot. The only relationship i've ever had (gay, i mean) was with a stoned out straight guy who ended up thinking I was kidding when I said I was bi, and he played along like he was my bf. I was SOOO in love for a 7th grader. I guess.
I AM WHAT I AM, I guess. If I wanted a label, I would be BAND GEEK. Haha. I wish that I could just look forward to the school year and bandcamp and such and not worry about the two people from my school who know telling other people and then my life being ruined – I wish I could just tell myself that everything will be ok. I am so conflicted, but you can’t come out half way and the process is already started. I feel like I need to, but I am so petrified of the consequences. If I join the GSA, which I need to do, then people will know as well. I just wish that everything was going to be ok. I don’t want to get to band camp or school and have a friend of a friend of a friend ask me if I’m gay. That would not fly.
There is sadness in your eyes that only I can see
Your hidden secret is known only to me
And when the day comes when others shall know
You’ll understand that all this time in the mirror only goes to show
That you can punch and you can kick, scream, and bite
Or cut and bang and burn out of spite
But the truth is that you are stronger than you
And that is why you must not feel so blue
Read my previous post first, the fag hag one. So here's the deal. I called the person that Agent J supposedly told and he was with friends and i didnt want to say my name because he wasn't alone, but he was like TELL ME WHO THIS IS NOW and I was like it's *my name* and i was like has *Agent J* talked to you? and he said: about you? and i said... shit. he didnt talk to you? And he was like no...? and Then he said Ur coming out? and I said yeah but on my own terms so don't tell anyone so now I feel INCREDIBLY STUPID! And i feel like shit because that's one more person that knows that i cant trust, i called him to ask him to be trustworthy and not say anything and he didnt even FUCKING KNOW! I'm SO MAD AT AGENT J! I JUST WANT TO PUNCH HIM, although he is cute. so now i feel like a tard, but at least i got this person's screen name for future use, although having him on the buddy list is a huge risk because his sn has his name, kinda and everyone knows he's gay and this whole situation sucks.
Otay, havent written in a while. Not much has changed, still a faggot :), terrified for next year. It ends up that this kid I told (Agent J, see previous posts), told this other kid and now I am fflipped. I've been desperately trying to write, it's not working. But i've decided that i'm taking ART NEXT YEAR abd that'll be my creative expression. Bandcamp is coming up, that's hott lol. As long as no-one knows there cuz that would Ruin it. Yeah. Paranoia's catching up to me, I want so many things right now.
I've never been this excited, like ever, ever. So I went to XY mag a few days ago, saw this gay kid in my area and was shocked becuaswe he was a jerk to me and he knew I was bi, so it was like, wtf? But I guess just cuz we were in the same boat doesnt mean I weasn't an annoying brat. And I saw this guy who just graduated from my school who's like GAY in BIG LETTERS, let's call him Agent J. So Agent J had a thing on xymag too. And my friend knows him, and whatever, so I FINALLY worked up the courage to hit enter on the IM i'd been typing for like 10 minutes... (it was 2 sentences). And he made me feel really uncomfortable because he's SO outgoing and he just wanted to nkow who I was... SO I TOLD HIM!! HOLY SHIT!! And we talked about it for a long time online. Agent J is my hero for now. I TOLD HIM!!!!!!!! AAAAHHH!!!!! so it was the most liberating and amazing feeling EVER and I decided that I'ma come out really soon, like TOMORROW. I've been ready for a year, but my parents were like NO and I was finally like, you know what, I talked to this guy and he said yadayada and I'm doing it! HOLY SHIT IM SO EXCITED.
First order of business: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Alright I’m done.
My life has resorted to this. I don't do homework because I do oasis. I'm so ADD i could fly away. I've decided that I'm a binge eater. Seriously. Um i feel like such a loser. I'm the little bitch of my family - they aren't always very nice. And I'm listening to No Doubt, song : I’m just a girl. Haha, I’m not. But I guess I can relate (no I’m not trans). My life sucks. And I’m sick of it. I have so many things to do – I need to make a collage, a painting, stop eating for 5 minutes, write a short story, and PLUS I have exams nect week and I’m not prepared… shit. My brother keeps making all these jokes about me, and I’m pissed off. School grades didn’t end up as bad as I thought they would, but I’m scared about my exams. I’m so Whacked out. But whatever, I can’t be pissed forever. But I always will be. I was thinking, and I’m not really happy at home… I don’t know what to do because I can’t move out. CAN NOT, WILL NOT. Music plays: It’s my life by No Doubt. Shit, they are brilliant because it IS my life and they DO forget and it NEVER, NEVER ends. Shit, I’m done for now. Talk to me bxexaxuxmxexcx1990 (take out x’s). Shit.
I'm not really going anywhere with this
Where is Waldo? Waldo is there. He blends in with everyone. You've got to look for him, and you've got to look pretty damn hard. Where's my Waldo (or Waldette)? Where am I able to be found?
So I wrote some poems. I like them.
OH YAY. A few more days till summer, a few more days to freedom, a few mofre days to Outtity when I will be semi anti-closet.