Ophelia couldn't have her love. At least she knew who she loved. I'm thinking of going to visit the Outright program for queer youth sometime, maybe...
The end. It's the end. This whole idea of "school is over for almost three months" still seems to escape me. I'm working on it though. I think that the biggest problem is that I'll be going back to scool next week to paint the music teacher's room. I have no clue why I agreed to do it, as it's sure to be a huge bore, and I need a little bit of summer to sit and do nothing before I actually work, but apparently I'm not getting that.
It's the last day of school. Yay. Notice the extreme sarcasm lacing that yay. Notice the "who actually gives a fuck" attitude. The end of the school year is so overplayed. Seriously, so I've finished another school year, so what?
Well. I am in desperate need of someone who I can stand spending time with, a friend would be nice. Sexual attraction would be better. I am so sick of being alone. I am sick of sitting in the park for hours trying to write before I realize how lonely I am. I'm tired of walking down Main Street just for the sake of filling time, when I realize that I'm actually just looking for someone to talk to. Being this lonely is sad.
I always write the most useless journal entries. Blah. I have nothing worthwhile to say about how things are out in the real world, so instead I end up talking about how things are in my head. Ha ha. Anyways, this weekend...
Went shopping with my mom. Had Indian food. Watched "Bonjour, Monsoir (don't make fund of me if I spelled it wrong...I'm not taking French 'till next year) Shlomi" It was mucho awsome. Next day: went the antique book fair with my dad. Was fun. Threw a little fris. Went up to my grandparents house to procrastinate about studying for my science exam. Instead of studying I went for a hike, played a little ultamite, and went swimming wearing pants and a tee. Very fun, but uncharacteristic of me. I got about three hours of excerise in one day; usually I don't get any. hmm. Usually I sit in front of my computer for hours, or read. Something is happening. Also: my uncle is really mucho cool. He was told that I was bi by my dad, slipped out in conversation, and he didn't even make a big deal about it. Only difference: when he was asking me stupid joke questions about making out, or if I had a bf or w/e, he would make sure that they were unisex. So all was well, plus, he said that I was really fit at ultamite, and better than my cousin. Yippee.
I used to be bitter; standing in the common room, I would look up at that high, high ceiling, and ask: why me? I would run and hide from who I was, losing myself within layers of vintage clothing.
Joan of Arcadia is cancelled. No more third season. I'm going to die. This is horrible and sinnly. All year long, I've been able to endure the pain and suffering of five days of school a week because I know that on Friday night I can watch Joan. Not anymore. IN OTHER NEWS:
I'm in loveeeee. This is ridiculously stupid. I collect crushes like other people collect marbles, only thiers don't roll away. Anyhoo, I was walking to the park yesterday (looking absolutely fabulous, I might add) when this guy rolls by on a skateboard (long board). I got shivers just looking at him, which is ridiculous, becuase I don't really get crushes on guys, but I'll live. It was probably becuase he reminded me of Adam, who I was actually in love with (not a crush), until we went to different schools, at which point I cried a lot and never really got over it. That's all though. THis may be my ditzy-est post yet. It is pretty scary how ditzy I'm being.
My hands, are orange with henna. My feet look up at me with blue-ink eyes. I am my own work of art. This is my last design. Reinvent, become something new. My words, my mouth, my tongue...my heart? I feel pain, little plain jane. I used to draw on my face with colored pencils, blinding myself with my own artificial beauty. Because I felt so plain. Clad in exotic outfits (top hats, hippy vests, tutus, and combat boots) I would feel no pain because I was above it.
Soft white light, softly bringing forth a note of utmost irony in the air; I am not free.
Wander through empty hallways.
Into empty rooms.
Finals Finals Augghh (that's supposed to sound both fearful and distgusted at the same time.)...
Oh god. I think I'm going insane. This is so hugely ridiculous. DO NOT POKE FUN...
I have a crush on my best friend. Not a good thing, at all. She's as straight as the yellow line on the highway.