Icarus's picture


nothing like hearing about how your best friend is probably going to end up with a hot boyfriend to make you feel vastly unattractive.


i can't win. i just can't fucking win.

i mean, what the fuck's wrong with me? i can't be that hideous, i can't. i mean, i know i have a strange sense of humor and i have a predilection towards being a little off, but hell, i'm smart, i'm fairly attractive, i don't drink, do drugs or smoke....



Icarus's picture


worst writers block EVAR!

ideas i have had:

- darker version of chitty chitty bang bang. potts accidentally killed his wife and is completely insane. children are crazy too. the baron's wife hates children because she miscarried when they were first married/they make her feel old and she's terrified of death. grandfather's lovable lunacy is now a drug addiction. reason for baron's love of toys is that he's mentally retarded. child catcher is a pedophile (really, that's not much of a stretch.) captured children are feral. spies try to kill potts and capture the car. etc....

Icarus's picture


it's embarrassing when your organization sounds like an internet slang...


sorry...anyway, after seeing that ridiculous video showmelove posted, i was overcome with the urge to send them an email just asking...why?

now normally, the smart part of my brain says, "Honestly, what is that going to solve?"

but the smart part of my brain was on vacation that night. so, this is what i wrote to them:

Icarus's picture


hurted my back somehow. :( it's more annoying than anything. it's this thin line of pain in the middle of my right shoulder and neck. urgh...

oh, also, something you probably shouldn't say in church: "That man should've been an abortion." in my defense i was talking about someone's abusive ex-husband, but yeah, some might not take too kindly to me saying that.


had a messed up dream last night. i kept crying (in the dream) 'cause something was wrong with my sister's heart and she was in the hospital. why i wasn't there, i dunno....

Icarus's picture


words, words. speak!

how can i speak when all words feel meaningless? when people speak it sounds like a foreign language that i never bothered to learn.

words mean nothing and everything to me these days. so powerful and yet so...filled with nothingness. just once, just once, i'd like to hear a sentence that doesn't feel like cotton candy. they float above the atmosphere in a benevolent cloud of listless sayings that disappear into the ether of another world.

there is no conversation anymore. people only talk.

nothing is weighted, nothing is filling.

all crap.

Icarus's picture


it's disgusting how constantly tired i am.

i'm beginning to wonder if i'm oversleeping (i.e. getting too much sleep) instead of lacking sleep.

i mean, i've gone to bed at a completely decent time (9-11) all this week, wake up at 7 and i'm still exhausted.

i'm going to go from like...three hours and go backwards and see what happens...

also, human sexuality was fun. we talked about all the "sexual variations" (paraphilias) and i intently studied my notebook.

Icarus's picture


when did i become such a bitch?

alternating between waves of nausea and waves of hunger. it's very strange. what's really strange is to be nauseous and hungry at the same time.


had to beg out of a lab this afternoon 'cause i was pretty sure i might have vomited all over everyone, but c'est la vie.

blaaahhhhh.....it's entirely too cold to be april in VA.

i hope my books get here soon.

i have nothing of worth or value to say or write right now.

perhaps later when the caffeine kicks in. :)

Icarus's picture


too many suggestions and not enough money! y'all (with maybe the exception of twilight) had some great book suggestions.

anyway, here's what i got for about 25 dollars....

The Creation of Patriarchy (Women & History) by Gerda Lerner

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall

Another Mother Tongue by Judy Grahn

Herland by Charlotte Perkins Gilman


i'm so happy to have new books to read!

also, atlas shrugged essay contest. $10, 000 first prize. *fingers crossed*

Icarus's picture


book suggestions, please?

i feel like going on a book spending spree.

ok, not really. but i'm on betterworld.com, they have used books for cheap and free shipping and the profits help world literacy!


so yeah, any suggestions?

Icarus's picture


classic excuse:

"I would be vegetarian, if it weren't for steak."

used by me. tonight. after ingesting an AMAZING omaha steak.

once i can afford my own food though, i will probably, most likely, definitely be heading in the vegetarian direction, hopefully making the complete shift to vegan.

happy jeff?

but for now, i eat what they feed me.

uhhhhh....it was nice and sunny outside today.

the end.

Icarus's picture


i must have superhuman impulse control or something.

beautiful woman + short skirt + long legs + close proximity to my hands= absolute hell for me.

also, i've pretty much decided that after this semester, i am done with the theater dept. at school. i don't like who i become when i'm around them, and frankly, the people there aren't the sort of people i need to be hanging around, so yeah.

i got sushi! and by sushi, i mean sushi. lol, facebook joke.

it's a beautiful day and i'm off to clean mah room!

Icarus's picture


fragmented thoughts.

jump. hop.



twice. i said it twice. twice is just as nice. wisdom. that's what's so lovely about her. wisdom. motherly wisdom. nurses seem to have it always wisdom. as if she knows something more than anything else. those eyes those eyes those eyes. those bright bright BRIGHT blue eyes. like the devil but better.

dimpled smiles, watching waving hands it's such a strange feeling to be this in love without being in love at all. but the way her hands moved, the way she smiled, the way the way the way she moved, it was magical.

Icarus's picture


pineapple fanta is way more yummy than i would've anticipated. also, i don't even like pineapple.

sooooo....i ordered some shoes. they're made for people who like to do stuff barefoot, but need a little extra protection....like condoms for your feet!



i love buying shoes.

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things that are wildly inappropriate to say (or really to think) in church:

that's definitely way more sexy than i thought. stop smiling dammit! you're too cute with you smile like that!

hands....hands....can you show me what you can do with those hands?

can we just have sex? like....right now? can we just do it and never stop?

no seriously, can we just do it now?

so yeah, i'm a lesbian. a big one.

the end.

Icarus's picture

water drips through stone. (fiction...sortof)

the phone split the silence like paul bunyan's axe, it's needy vibrations sending it skittering across the nightstand, as if it took pleasure in my sleepily unsteady hands fumbling around. finally, after what felt like hours of fingertips hitting hardwood, i grabbed the phone and flipped it open, managing a fuzzy, "hullo?"


"h...hullo?" blearily rubbing my dream filled eyes, i roll onto my back, blinking up at the 3am ceiling, "is this a joke? hullo?"


"yeah...can i help you?"

"jame, it's..it's annie...i wasn't sure if i should call you, or what but..."

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