I have a dilemma... I don't think I should even be having this dilemma at all. Or maybe it's just me. Or maybe I'm just in denial, I don't know. Should I feel guilty for suddenly having feelings for someone else? It's only human, right? Don't get me wrong, I'm in love with my girlfriend but I don't know why I'm crushing on another girl. Maybe I'm turning out to be just like my dad. Woman after woman, one broken heart after another. Maybe I am... Honestly, I think being a player just comes naturally to me and I don't even intend to play people. I can't be that way. I just can't. I admit I have broken other people's hearts by making them believe that there's hope for me to be in love with them but I don't realize I've made them hope until they tell me. I don't want to be like him. I want my own path, I don't want to follow his but I don't seem to have any control over that.
As I lay under the twinkling stars and the dark, gloomy sky, I wondered... I came out.. Is this the end? Or just the beginning? Maybe it's both, maybe it's the end of one chapter and the beginning of another... I'm not really sure.. It was just last year when I came out, I've heard hurtful words said by the people I was the closest to. The people I trusted.. The people who said "I'll be there whenever you need me". But that was when I was a stranger to them, when I was a stranger to myself. Even I spoke out against homosexuals, why? I was afraid of admitting it myself. Then one day, a rumor spread around school, I'm gay. I was in deep denial, I didn't want to be something I was against... But I knew deep inside, this is who I am. It wasn't until I met the one who truly made me realize, this is me.