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not too bad

I find it odd how today found a way to go from me wanting to slice my wrists and bleed to death to me having the most fun I've had in a long time. I hadn't ever spent time with Brandon without CC being ten feet away and today I really got to know him. Being white and fighting a Jap with chopsticks is not a smart idea. Frog legs do not taste like chicken, they taste horrible.

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Happy birthday to me

11 March 1991 6:30am I am born

11 March 2007
I am rude and socially unacceptible and maybe a lying bitch says my father, therefore I am not alive, meaning I have no birthday he can acknowledge.
Mother's fiance has been invited to "celebrate" my special Sweet 16
Girlfriend's parents find a way so I cannot even talk to her on my birthday

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Does Not Accept Homo Blood

I was all excited for this month to come, I was going to turn 16 and two weeks later donate blood at my school's annual bllod drive. My mum has told me I have an odd blood type and that I would be doing a good deed to donate to save others.

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That's life folks

It's strange to read my past writings and see where I am now as compard to then, I might add there is not much difference. I'm still with CC, her parents hate me even more than they did before, only now I have found one person in her family who actually does like me and that is one of the best things to happen in a long time.

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Danger in my haven

It's the sad truth of life: it's not fair. Parents swear to protect you from all they can and never bring you near harm and yet they always seem to bring harm right into your home, your safe haven, even as you tell the this is danger. They are so naive. It makes me wonder, is this how I will be in 10-15 years? It turns my stomache and rattles my brain. What does this woman have covering her eyes?

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A letter

I am a shallow, heartless creature. Fuck everyone has become the motto I choose to live my life by. I am nothing,a nobody, a fool. WHY WON'T YOU FEAR ME? Why will you not turn and run as so many before you have?

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Damn those who cheat

I guess when someone cheats on your the first time, and it's your first love, you are allowed to be stupid about it, you know, believe them when they say they'll never do it again yet that doubt is always around. I cannot stand this doubt. I am suspicious of everything, especially as the "other persons" name gets mentioned here and there. "Yeah, SHE and I were talking after school" or "She invited me to her house to study for this test we have in Spanish." Everytime before that SHE and HER were together the first time, HER cheating on me with SHE, who has been an enemy of mine since the day we meet. Now a month after they still are "studying" together. Amazing how I am the one who is more likely to cheat and she beats me to it and now I suspect it of starting all over again. Yes I know I should just end it, take my half and go find me someone who will love and be true to me. Yet it seems in this small pool of homos I have to choose from, none of them are quite right. Personality wise I mean, I hate people who judge on apperence and I am not going to be a hypocrite on the matter.

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It has no title

Her hair her eyes
her body flowing
Dancing as the unheard
drum beats within
Her smell, hypnotic
entrancing, spell binding
Drawing me to her
I'm a moth to her flame
Laughter lighting up
my world, her world,
the world.
Crushing, her tears
salt to the wound
Feeling hopeless
wanting, needing
holding her
Amazing, smile
creating a dazzle
her light, light up
Oh World

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They never said it came with disappointment

"Variations on a Korean Folk Song" is running through my mind. As much as I hated band last year we played some pretty amazing songs.
Memories can be a painful thing. Life never comes at you as you plan. Your dreams at being famous and forever remembered are gone and forgotten. I miss the easy times of preschool, you always knew what you were to do, nap time was after lunch, arts and crafts were before snack time.

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I never understood how people who were cheated on could stay with the one who cheated on them until now. Two months she tells me, my "enemy" is the girl it was with, three kisses but she felt nothing, she swore that to me, Melissa calls me, giving me many different versions as to what really happened the last one ending with her being pregnat at 16 and no idea who the father is. Sixteen and already a whore, it is sad how young these things happen now, where are the parents to stop the child? I digrese, I apologize. I do understand how it happens now. Countless persons told me I needed to leave and move on, plenty more fish in the sea. There may be fish in the sea but that is not what I want, a fish, I want her, she is not as other's are, how many people do you know who have cheated and gone and told their partner what happened, answered all questions they asked honestly?

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Just a poem I wrote

Run (don't walk)
It seems like forever
since I last saw
your smile. Heard
your voice. Kissed
your body

Run (don't walk)
This longing is near
unbareable. Yet, still
we bare it. Standing
tall, above them all,
slowly falling

Run (don't walk)
I'll hold you when
you come. Take away
your pain, your fear.
Take you far away from

Run (don't walk)
We can finally leave.
Away from this place,

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Just to let you know I live

Its been days since I was last on... Band and school take up more time than I have... plus I have to play Winter Ball on TWO softball teams. Me and C.C. are still as strong as ever for those of you who were wondering... I saw her on Wed. when I got my braces off. We were caught be the janitor at her school making out... oops... I dont care anymore though... I swear I am over PDAs (public displays of affection) Sorry this is short...

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Just another entry

eh... not much to write about today... got C.C.'s cell, computer, iPod, after school activites, and her house phone all taken away. Not to mention getting yelled at and a slap to her head. Oh yeah, we got back together, she said all that to me earlier because she was scared of something that had happened. But I take full blame for her getting into trouble and now I feel horrible. Damn. At lease they still let her go out with Katie for bowling. That would have made me feel worse if they had taken that away.

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Just Why?

Why can you have everything you dreamed you could have at this moment in your small pathetic life and suddenly it changes, it ends, it becomes different. You move, you're on the verge of getting dumped and suddenly your opinion counts when never before has it mattered what you thought.
You try to speak out, automatically its your hormones acting out. You're to young to know hard times. How could you? You've only been around for less than twenty years.

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Its over, were done

Yeah, I knew it was comng, yet it still hurts. She wasnt just a girlfriend.... but my only friend. They only person who would listen to me. I cant blame anyone. It wasnt me and it wasnt her.... it was 65 FUCKING MILES! Well I guess there is someone to blame for that. Thank you mom for moving me to ELK GROVE away from everyone to a place where being GAY is like having the Plauge. It hurts, its painful, but what can I do.

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