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You know, that guy I've been prattling on about since who knows when? The one I really like?

I was totally down about it the other day, because he rejected me you know? But it doesn't bug me anymore. I'm not even sure what happened. It's like something switched off in my brain the other day and now I'm like "Okay... I'm cool with this." I want to say I'm over him, but I'm totally not. I still think about him way too often. And I still think that guy he's pining over doesn't realize how lucky he is. But it doesn't -bug- me anymore. You know? I'm okay with it now.

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I must be stupid.

You know, all of the charm and good looks in the world wouldn't do me any good right now. The only person I actually want I don't have a chance with.

Why do I like someone who so obviously is as stuck on someone else as I am on him? DX

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Weird dream

My dumb cat won't leave me alone. I locked her out and she clawed at the carpet. Now that I let her in all she does is meow at me and insist on sitting on my lap. Always begging for attention, this one. XP

I had a dream where I went to some trans youth support group. It was being run by Dr. Spack who is this guy who gets kids on hormone blockers or hormones if they're old enough, but he takes forever to do anything because he makes kids see like, three therapists and jump through twenty hoops, and he's also really backed up, so he wouldn't have time to run a support group but I digress.

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Okay, if you ever find yourself doing an IM injection, do yourself a favor and make double-sure that there are no bubbles left in the syringe before the injection. Because, when a bubble goes into your muscle, it feels -really- gross. XP

Yeah. I don't know how I missed it, but there was a somewhat large (meaning big enough for me to feel) bubble in the needle and I didn't notice it until it went into my leg. XP Grossest feeling ever. (Well, I can think of grosser actually, but still.) It was an IM shot so I'm not like, going to die or anything. But ewww.

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Just a little bit pathetic maybe...

So I saw him yesterday, (You know, the guy I'm always talking about but I've failed to come up with a nickname for. So I just call him 'that guy' or whatever because referring to him like this in all of my journals has gotten far too entertaining.) we saw Harry Potter. I spent a good portion of it ogling the nice camera work, and the other portion of it being painfully aware of who I was sitting next to.

Oh also, I realized yesterday that I'm a bit of a social failure. Oh well. I've learned for next time. XP

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Hairy Potty

Am I the only one who read Captain Underpants as a kid? That's where the title comes from. It has little to nothing to do with the content of my post though. :)

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You know, I like him so much that I want to shout it from the rooftops. But that wouldn't exactly be appropriate..

Especially considering we're not actually in a relationship. XD;

I could be completely wrong, but I kind of get the vibe that he likes me too. I wish I knew what he was thinking about when he stares at his shoes like they're the most interesting thing he's ever seen.

I'm about ready to just ask him about it, but I feel like that'd be awkward.

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Hey everyone

Guess who?

I haven't actually been away that long. *shrugs* I probably still won't post here as often as I used to... Or maybe I will. Who knows? |D

Not much has really happened though....

Okay, that was a lie.

That boy I'm always talking about got top surgery a few weeks ago. (I'm mad happy for him too, he seems so excited whenever I talk to him about it :D ) I haven't seen him since Philly but, he posted a picture yesterday, it's the first time I've seen him in something not a gigantic sweater...

And just... Damn.

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This might be my last post for a while, I'm starting to drift away from this site, as much as I love it here.. Worse things have happened.

I went to that conference in Philly. It could -not- have been more fantastic. My mom went too, and now she's totally on board with the trans thing. It's amazing what some quality time and education can do. :) I think the main thing was, that she wanted to understand though, so it -really- helped her.

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This time tomorrow, I will be in MA. And this time Wednesday, I will be in Philly. :)

Tomorrow, I'm heading over to a friends house, because I'm going down to Philly with him, because we're going to a trans conference. I'm not staying with him though, I'm staying with a family friend who lives in Philly.

Okay, so I'm not heading down with just -any- friend. Oh no. Remember that guy I kept going on about due to his sheer amazing. The one who wants to just be friends because he's got conflicting emotions or whatever? Yeah that one.

You know what this means?

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Okay so...

I can breathe a sigh of relief now.

The reason he's (he being, that boy I'm always talking about which I like way more than I should) not interested in a relationship is because he's still trying to get over someone else.

So it wasn't something stupid I did. It's just he's got some unresolved feelings to deal with. Which makes me feel kind of bad, because it sounds like a pain... You know, more of a pain than my feelings for him that is.

Only problem is, now I'm stuck on him. XD;

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My weekend has been nuts..

A good friend of mine was hurt, basically. And there were police involved and everything. It was a mess. And that kid who hurt her better hope he goes to jail for what he did because if I see his sorry face ever again I'll rearrange it.

I'm not about to talk about what happened because it's really not my place. But needless to say, it's infuriating to think about.

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Okay, rant time.

You know what pisses me off?

When people refer to other guys as "Actual boys" or otherwise imply that I'm somehow less than male.


I'm a boy, just like any other boy. Just because my body is a little different doesn't make me any less of a boy. >_o

If people got their heads out of other peoples pants for a fucking minute....

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I yawned so hard my ear hurt. I wish I were kidding.

This has happened twice today. |D;

Also, this whole liking a person who doesn't like me back thing is really, ugh. Frustrating for starters. I like to think that I might one day eventually have a chance with him, and I might. According to him. But it's not certain, not likely, and not soon. :P

And I'm trying to do that thing where I don't care. But when you care it gets pretty hard not too.

And sorry that this is all I ever rant about recently. DX;

I need to stop setting myself up for disappointment.

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You know what sucks?

Unrequited feelings.

I'm so sick of this. I get attached to people way too easy. Even when I try not to. It's aggravating.

So far, I've been frustrated at myself for not being as okay with just being friends as I'd like to be. I wish I could just throw these feelings away.

I hate being so vulnerable. :/


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