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This would be a lot easier if he wasn't so awesome. I can't think of one thing I dislike about him, which is probably in part because I'm still infatuated with him. But still... XD;

He says he doesn't think it would work out. Why? I have no clue. (Maybe it has to do with the deathly shy bit...) But I'm gonna stop pestering him about it. Besides, if I ask any more questions, it'll be all I think about all weekend while I can't get on the computer. And I'm insane as it is, I don't need to drive myself there.

...There is a bug, with a stinger, on my screen. 0w0

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Why is it that my ability to communicate kicks in -after- I've been rejected? Little late no?

Oh well. Whatever happens happens.

I asked him (the boy I like who said he wants to just be friends.) where I stand, but he hasn't responded yet. I'm just going to assume that I don't have a chance with him at all though. It's just confusing because initially he implied (Not just a little either, I swear I'm not forcing it.) that maybe we could try again, but I'm not clear enough on that so, yeah.

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*bangs head on wall*


Now he's (he as in, boy I'm always talking about) is all "Well, let's be friends first." Which makes logical sense and all.

But I'm still really attracted to him. :P


I'll deal with this I swear.

Oddly enough I'm not even that upset by this. I don't think I care too much. Because I kind of rather get to know him as friends first too. Considering we still have massive amounts of awkward to wade through.

The only thing that bugs me is the -huge- possibility that he'll want to -stay- just friends. |D;

Meh. Either way I'll deal.

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The more I like him, the harder it gets to do that whole communicating thing.

It's kind of frustrating.

You know what else is frustrating?

The fact that I like him so much. :P

I shaved my face yesterday, I was surprised at how much hair there was, actually.

I got my hair cut yesterday too. I don't like it, it's too short and it's too butch. My aunt and dad keep going "BUT YOU LOOK MORE BOYISH NOW." and I'm all "ARGH IT'S GONE I MISS IT DD:"

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BAGLY among other things

Youth pride was alright. I don't know what I was expecting, but the weather was fabulous even though the skies threatened rain until late, at which point it did rain. And Boston + good weather + friends is awesome no matter what. And plus rainbows and friendly people and music and whatnot is always fun too. Though it would have been better if people didn't like to SMOKE at PUBLIC EVENTS and POLLUTE MY LUNGS. It made me sick, as in, literally, duh. I don't care what people do at their house, but it should be illegal to smoke at public events. >_o;

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A pair

I need to grow one.


Stop being such a sissy insecure wimp Ash.

And just freaking e-mail him. |D;

Also, I'm sick of therapy. I'm freaking -fine- so why do I need to continue to see a therapist? Because apparently her word looks good in court. God damn court. Wouldn't be an issue if we weren't screwed over with a cattle prod by a biased judge...

Also. I'm REALLY sick of the kids in my school using "gay" to mean "stupid". It's just as stupid when they say "no offense to gays" after. No, it's still offensive, you're just two faced as well now. Nice going.

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Meh. So he's not going to the pride thing because he's not -flamey- enough. That's FINE. :P

Honestly I just wanted a reason to see him. |D I could care less where or why. But he doesn't identify with the 'gay crowd', I can't say I blame him too much. Because of the running ignorance about trans people. And how the "T" in "GLBT" is forgotten about most of the time. But like, he could have TOLD me that was why instead of just saying "Oh I can't go." :P (He ended up telling one of my friends who tried to invite him along.)

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As much as I love my dad...

He really does piss me off sometimes.

Not everything is a battle. Okay, so the school didn't put my name change through RIGHT THE INSTANT I GAVE THEM THE PAPERWORK. BIG FUCKING DEAL.

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Is kind of awesome.

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You know what's scary?

Falling for someone is scary.

Okay, you know that kid I'm always talking about that I went on a date with last Saturday and I still need to come up with some kind of nickname for but haven't because nothing I think of suits him and because it's too much fun to rant like this whenever I want to talk about him? Yeah him. He's amazing.

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Pastel lungs

Haha, using old, cheap, crappy pastels all day can't be good for you... My lungs probably look like the inside of a oyster shell now. But less shiny.

I'm all scratched up because I got rid of my old desk which was falling apart, and the thing put up quite a fight before collapsing entirely all over the stairs... Oh, and then afterward, because all of the nails and staples that (barely) held it together were exposed. I've got two or three cuts on my hand, and one on my leg. But I haven't even gotten to the best part.

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Guess who now has legal paperwork for his name change? That's right! ME.

And I only need three and a half more hours of driving to get my license (that is, if I don't fail the drivers test. I've gotta work on parking.)

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Conversational skills....

I have none.

I had fun anyway but gods. I couldn't think of anything to talk about the entire time, until about 5 minutes after I left. I really liked seeing him though, it's too bad he lives an hour away.

It was wicked hot out today. I hated it. I don't like when it's hot. |D

So yeah. Pretty uneventful. He played with his straw a lot while we were out eating. And I mean a -lot-. It was cute, he has nice hands. And when we went to the museum, we kind of walked around silently. I didn't really want to break the silence, it was weird. But nice.

I really didn't want to leave.

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Yeah, tomorrow I have my first actual date, you know, with that guy I've been talking about, constantly? :P

I'm so freaking excited. And so freaking nervous. The weather is supposed to be really warm tomorrow (perfect maybe, for everyone who isn't wearing three layers. :P ) I have no expectations really, and I've never been to where we're going before. So I'm going to just go with the flow I guess. And try not to make a fool out of myself. |D;

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Apples and peanut butter

Go amazingly together. Am I right or am I right?

I've rekindled my love for peanut butter recently, and for The Beatles. :) I mean, who doesn't love The Beatles?

Saturday I have a date for real. We're going to get vegan food and go to an art museum. I mean, that stuff is awesome when I'm not around Mr. Amazing. :P I really need an official nickname for that kid for here. I might just go with Mr. Amazing. Though it's so corny. XD;;

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