milk-tea's picture

pleaspleaseplease help, fellow oasisians

so.
girl i love(who i thought was straighter than a rod)
isnt.

she. likes. girls.

but.
the thing is, im the only one who knows.
her situation is complicated--shes been really into this one gay girl for a really long time now, but this girl is counting on her to be the one to NOT like her.

and she was saying that shes the only woman who shes found attractive......

so.

milk-tea's picture

whutwhut? in the butt!

holyshittingelephants.

the girl that i am head over heels for is INTO. GIRLS.

and i think only i and a small handful of people know.

she and i have been writting to each other back and forth, and shes really into her gay friend but its bad, the situation is complicated....

and its POSSIBLE.

holydamn.

i think my wish came true.

should.....should i do anything?

milk-tea's picture

dearest emma~

well,i havent heard my pretty little razor calling me for aproximately one whole day now.
may not seem like a big deal, but, well, it is.
i absolutely hate my manic-like moods.
but anyhow--i found out today that emma really really likes me--as a friend. but still, that means alot to me.
i could never talk bad about her.

milk-tea's picture

going much too fast, 10 is a frightening number

10 cuts on my arm already.
oh my.
hey, thanks to the commenter before who said the thing about cutting isnt that big of a deal.
i agree completely.
its funny, because i actually havent told anyone that i started cutting again--this time,
it just feels
much
more private
something sacred
personal, for once.
which really isnt much.

milk-tea's picture

refinding the beauty of a razor blade

i disected a shaving blade so i could just get the blade--
now its in my pocket at all times, wrapped in its own little gauze like thing so it wont poke through my pocket.
its amazing and beautiful that only one stroke can make it bleed so much.
goodbye to scissors, paper clips--no more laborious amounts of work for that one miracle moment--i can get it in an instant.

milk-tea's picture

beautiful girls and mascara

Mmm...
im still head over heels for emma.
but.
im not on the verge of suicide because of it.
i am ultimately relieved and comforted by this improvement.
another exciting event has occured--i added this wonderfully beautiful girl on facebook as a friend. she attends my school.

milk-tea's picture

Nature

I hate poems about nature.
the slowly drawled out narrative, speaking
of trivial matters: cows, butterflies, grass.
transcending dictionary definitions
there is a meticuliously graceful touch
to every word
as if
the poet talked to each and every cell
of a twig.
the stanzas run off to Wales, while
images pick up their dainty skirts
and run;
anywhere

milk-tea's picture

candy apple red

sealed with confudled memories, a bedroom
door is
oozing with sticky residue of
childhood contemplations
as the child leaks pink reminescense from her cherry lips.

she has swallowed gem studded toads to feel beautiful.

failing to engrave sorrow upon her brow
time haults to an abrupt standstill...

{as a soft breeze that sways daises
soaks and spreads into dazzled veins}

milk-tea's picture

frustrated

im gay. but then im not.
but im a lesbian.....right?
i dunno.
I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE.
snarl
and its so hot outside
its DISGUSTING
i hate being hot, but at least i still manage to smell good.
shesh.
i still rlly rlly like my crush.
quite, quite alot. = not good.
shes so straight its insane...she acts quite gay, but i know shes not, for a fact.
ugh.

milk-tea's picture

gay bashing: since when is it ok to hurt?

this is insane.
i already posted a forum topic on this, but still. i need to get it out.
i dont understand what comes out of bashing gays, physically and emotionally--what does it even do for the homophobe?
make them feel better about themselves?
this is so twisted.
i dont care if its a joke.
its not funny, and im sick of being called a 'dyke' behind my back--no matter how jokingly.

milk-tea's picture

mellon colie and the infinite sadness

it seems that i have grown ridiculiously soft and...well, unlike me.
im just really, really sad.
i dont...i dont know what to do with myself.

why did it have to be her?

i want to die.

milk-tea's picture

how trite. im in love with a straight girl.

title says it all, i supose.
but, this time....it just feels really, really real.
and diffrent.
usually, i dont have a problem declaring that i like someone.
but this time, i felt like shit, i couldnt even tell my best friend for the longest time because i was nervous and didnt want to believe it.
and of course i had to go for the straightest girl possible.

milk-tea's picture

Interlochen School of Arts

i am unbelievably excited right now.
my literature teacher has told me that i should check into various schools for intense summer writting programs.
i. want. to. go. to. INTERLOCHEN.
i am almost bitter, i wished i went there so badly.
its a private high school, focusing on the Arts--creative writing, theatre, music, etc.
its a boarding school located in michigan.
gwwwaaarrr.

milk-tea's picture

boy glances at girl, girl doesnt mind anymore...

this morning i got to school early so thence went to read fanfic (slash all the way!) at the tech lab.
apparently, mike is there as early as i am every day.
he comes in, and seems almost startled at my appearance. i am sleepy and unusually sweet and throw myself on him and sigh happily into his shoulder, and say the unthinkable:
"ive missed you."

milk-tea's picture

After Autumn Ends

and tonight, you take your fill
bitting thighs
{hers}
not meant to be bled
and sacrificed.

she is your bloody innocent lamb.

brother, that girl is I--
giggling back strangled screams
animalistic shrieks that
she indulges in eating, relishing
crimson beads of sweat on a lizard's tongue.

he is repulsive, muscles strained and
face taunt with concentration.

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